Kristina's Journey to Life

I have been recently re-directing myself towards a new business venture for myself, and the one thing I see most necessary for me to be successful in the business is to form connections and relationships with people. Within seeing this as a practical part of the business, there is a resistance to forming connections/ relationships with people. And from there, seeing just how much I avoid building relationships with people; it's as if I have thrown in the towel in getting to know and sustaining relationships with people. Like my preference has become to be alone , or work with those i am most comfortable with. yet I realize that if I do not move past this, and get over the fear, which is in essence what this resistance is, I will not be successful in anything I do because human relationships and interactions is the basis of our world system/reality. So self forgiveness here for the general point I see I am facing to open it up more. I forgive myself that I have accepted and...

Recently I went to the state fair, which in my state of Minnesota, is quite a big deal and is anticipated and rejoiced every year around this time as the 'Great Minnesota Get Together'. And like any fair, rides were a part of the set up. So my sister and I went on a few rides. The last one we went on was quite an interesting experience. It is called Mouse Trap and for the most part, your typically fair roller coaster. Nothing too high or too extreme. Yet I will tell you, coming off the ride I can see where the term 'emotional roller coaster' came from. I felt like I had just come out of the most rocky, turbulent, conflicted experience/interaction ever, like a bad relationship you refuse to let go of. It was like I was dragged through the ringer, been in a boxing match, and was left spent on the side of the road. I felt like I was 'all over the place' coming off the ride, and it's exactly how I can relate to times in my mind and in my life when I have...

Keeping on with the topic I have been writing about in the last few blogs, today I want to discuss the point of 'living with others' and the responsibility we have within that. Obviously creating and inflicting war and destruction on others is not a responsible way of living with others; the carelessness, the lack of concern or even consideration we have in such a move screams with the inhumanity we've allowed on this planet. So what is going on? Why does it seem as there is no real care for life on this planet? When there is nothing but a vast diversity of life here, we seem to not take notice or care of that. So what is it that we care about? Ourselves? Our individuality? Our power? Our position? Our Life - is that more important than another? I mean are these things even real? And how does such a stance or position effect others around us; those we must LIVE with? We all must co-exist on a daily basis, our comings and goings very much depend on others doing thei...

In the last few blogs, I had been giving direction and taking responsibility for a particular reaction I had in relation to someone I live with. The titles of each of the blogs are quite specific and relates to a point I often ponder for myself, when taking a look at what is currently going on in the world. The pattern that manifests War in our World . That is the first blog, and that is the point in seeing how the inner of us all, creates the outer of this world. Our world, our reality is an external manifestation of who each on is within/as themselves. One can see this simply in the fact that when, taking myself as an example, when I feel 'personally attacked' by someone else, the first reaction is to 'fight back' - is to do to them what they have done to me, to 'attack back'. I mean that is clearly how wars work. Or where we think we must display some form of aggression to let another know 'we are serious' and 'we can do harm' and to not m...

I'm continuing here from the previous blog, and the self correction statements. You can read the start of this series here . When and as I see myself becoming upset at a thought of how another sees me or defines me, I stop and I breathe and do not allow myself to participate in the thought. I see, realize, and understand that I have no control over how another sees me or perceives me and that the only power of control I have is within who I am in relation to others, and who I am here, within and and as myself. And so I commit myself to stop giving power to others in placing valuing or importance on how I THINK others see/perceive/define me and instead take responsibility and get busy with understanding how I see/define me and so with changing myself, as the power and control I have, of who I am in each moment and to make sure that I am the one that can live with ME in every moment. When and as I see myself experiencing myself as powerless in relation to how I think others de...

Here I am continuing with the self-corrective statements in relation to the previous blog . When and as I see myself reacting negatively to what another says to me in the form of gossip, or within such a statement of, "this person said this about you," I stop here and I breathe and do not allow myself to go into any negative reactions , as I see this is the pattern that usually comes with such a statement, and so instead I breathe and make sure that if any reactions move within me or come up within me, I stop and breathe as stabilizing myself HERE, grounded within my physical body and not reacting within my mind as I see, realize, and understand the outflow from such participation and so I commit myself to slowing myself down in moments of communicating with others, especially when one approaches me with any kind of 'gossip' or saying someone said something about me - I commit myself to stop any reactions as not participating within the pattern that I see no longe...

Yesterday I woke up to a message saying that one had made a comment about me that did not portray me in the best of way. I reacted. In writing out the point for myself to see what I was reacting about specifically - here is the self forgiveness that came from it: I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react negatively when X said to me that Y mentioned to them that I never clean up after myself I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into defense mode when finding out that Y mentioned to X that I never clean the bathroom, because in this instance I didn't, I had forgot to before leaving to work, and so upset with myself for not slowing down and ensuring I was taking responsibility for myself in every area of the house, which includes to clean up after myself I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react within the back chat of, what’s Y's problem, why do they do that, and then become so angry and frustrated ...

Competition and Comparison. The earliest experience or memory that I have to comparison is to a girl in my first grade class. Her name was Tiffany. She was pretty, and skinny and always had nice clothes. I would compare myself to her and saw myself as inferior. Everyone seemed to like her, and I always felt like I was on the outside and in the shadow. I felt inferior to her. I felt like because everyone liked her, they didn't have ‘room’ for me. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to Tiffany, and to within this, see myself as inferior I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define Tiffany as superior to me based on what she wore and to within that, think my clothes were not as nice I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define Tiffany as more popular than me, and to within this, define myself as less than her I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define Tiffany...

Here, the commitment statements in relation to the previous blog and self forgiveness for the 'want' to hold onto emotional reactions, and essentially to not let go of me as the mind as thoughts, emotions and feelings and instead allow myself to change in a moment. When and as I see myself reacting within an emotional energy/experience and 'want' to stay in the reaction and not stop myself, I stop and I breathe and ground myself in that moment in my physical body . I see, realize, and understand that the want to remain reacting is a belief that my experience towards another is right and simply accepting it and not questioning it and so here I commit myself to change me in that moment as stopping and taking self-responsibility for my participation in any conflict and thus the reaction I am attempting to stay within/hold onto to When and as I see myself not stopping myself in a moment of reaction, despite the awareness of me in self honesty that sees I have an op...