06 November 2014

376: Trusting my thoughts to Give Up

Continuing on with the series of blogs I have been walking with the support of the Eqafe interview by the Atlanteans, 'Giving Up' - here I am going into the second interview in the series titled, "Giving Up: Understanding."

The first part in this interview was looking at the trust and faith we give to our minds, specifically the back chats, or voices in our head that basically tell us who we are and how we 'should' react to something. We define ourselves so much as our minds, we never stop and question whether that is in fact who we are. Of course we don't question it, because we have accepted it as part of ourselves, we are 'thinking beings', we follow the thoughts in our mind, we trust the words we speak to ourselves, and we don't for a minute think that maybe there is something beyond that, or within that that is the real essence of our beingness - our presence.

So the following self-forgiveness is specifically for this acceptance and allowance; of defining myself according to my back chats, trusting and believing that what is coming up within my mind as how I speak to myself is valid and real, and to allow that to direct me into how I experience myself and ultimately influence the decisions and choices I make in my life.  Part 2 of this interview will be continued in the blogs to follow.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust in the back chats as the voices in my head that suggest I should just ‘give up’ when things become difficult or when I react to a situation wherein I think and believe I ‘cannot do this’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as the back chats in my head, as the way in which I talk to myself in my mind about particular situations, and when those voices that I have defined as myself suggest I should give up, to trust that that is accurate, and valid and that I should just follow along

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never question who I am within my mind as the back chat/ways in which I speak to myself in my mind, that gives direction to me in terms of how I should experience myself, and never realizing that if I give myself just one moment – one moment to breathe and silence the voices within – I may see that I am not actually those back chats, that I exist and can make decisions that do not have back chat as an influence

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to simply trust the back chats in my mind, as how I speak to myself in relation to specific points I face, and to trust that those voices are in fact me, and have my best interest in mind, without investigating for myself who I am without the energy reaction as the back chat is, and how it fuels the fire of conflict within me wherein it keeps me accepting myself as incapable, and that I should just give up already

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that the voices in my head, as me as my back chat, ever speaks with common sense, instead of realizing it’s always protecting some idea I have about me, some nature in which I am not willing to let go of, as I think and believe that I am in that protecting myself – instead of seeing, self honestly, the limitation the back chats exist as as it’s always to give up, or to follow the experience of positive or negative energy, and never sees for REAL in terms of actual, practical, physical reality and the ability I have to direct myself without the voices in my head/back chats telling me who/how I should be

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust in and believe in the back chats within my mind as how i speak to myself in relation to parts/aspects of my life, instead of realizing that those thoughts are like implants, influenced and impulsed from the life I have lived, the environment in which I was exposed to, the media in which I watched, and the societal/cultural norms I have accepted as my own - that those are not in fact ME, as a free-will choice to decide for me who I am, as why would I chose to be one who gives up, when I've come to see that I can in fact 'move through' any challenges that arise within me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stop the moment I see I am back chatting in my mind, particularly in the context of giving up, the moment they arise, as I now see, realize and understand that it is not really who I am, and that I can actually find solutions rather than simply running away and accepting myself as inadequate to direct myself to whatever it is I am facing, and reacting to

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself within defining myself as my mind

When and as I see myself trusting and believing in the back chats of my mind, particularly when I am telling myself that I should just give up on something/myself – I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that me continuing to participate in the back chats and not stopping myself when I see myself talking to myself in my mind, I am then trusting and believing in them and thus defining myself according to them. I also see, realize, and understand that in trusting and believing in my back chats as how I speak to myself in my mind throughout my life, I have allowed myself to squander my potential, as I always gave up when my mind told me to – never pushed through, never breathed, never considered I could actually continue and change ME in relation to what I was wanting to give up, instead of thinking it’s something outside of me that’s the problem. And so I commit myself to stop and breathe when/as I see back chats arise in the nature of giving up, and instead investigate through writing what it is I am wanting to run from, what beliefs and ideas I’m holding about me that I think I cannot ‘do it’ or ‘walk through it’ or ‘continue with it’. I commit myself to no more define myself as the back chats in my mind, and instead to slow myself down when they arise as to place myself in the position of who I really am, as life, as the breathe, as the silence as me. I commit myself to embrace the silencing of my mind as to support myself to make self-honest, common sense assessments in relation to points/situations/relationships I face, and to thus no longer follow the energy, follow the experience, follow the voice in my mind that suggests I should just give up. 

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