29 May 2014

341: Self Defined in Time

The other day I was discussing with someone how I was looking at/considering completing an assignment for my current Agreement Course lesson. The lesson is on redefining words and so I was looking at going through that process of one word a day. I found it to be practical for me to do a little bit each day in working with other SRA lessons and so considered it could work for this lesson as well.

When I considered this specific application of one word a day, I had a reaction to it in thinking, "there are 50 words I must do, that will be 50 days!" And the reaction was in the nature of negativity as "that is too long." I didn't like the idea of it taking 50 days for me to complete this lesson within thinking that's too long, that is taking too much time for one lesson and I must move faster with it, as to just get it done.

The person I was communicating about this with suggested that was a cool application of consistency, which is something I was not even looking at. To commit to one word a day and walk that for 50 days is quite a cool practice for me in continuing to develop the point of self-discipline, self-consistency, self-commitment, and of course self-direction. Yet I got stuck on the speed in which I would be getting it done.

So this tells me I still approach things from the starting point of 'needing to get it done' and so when the starting point is based within time, the real value as the actual work, and the actual application is being missed. I mean, wouldn't it be 'better' for something to be fully completed, within absolute awareness and perfect the first go, then to speed through it, missing things here and there and so not really fully ensuring that I am getting it right the first time - actually taking my TIME with it. Instead I am speeding through, 'needing to get it done', and so missing the journey, the actual process in which I am walking within the lesson that is the actual gift of learning about myself, how I've come to define words, and how I am able to redefine them into practical, physical living expressions of myself.

I can see this relationship towards time has played out in various ways and also suggests I haven't really slowed myself down to walk moment to moment, breath by breath, and instead am still tunneled vision into the end result; of just getting it done. I can see how it plays out in a lot of what I do - wherein I base 'who I am' as a self definition within the time it takes me to do something, rather than the actual work I am putting into it. So I've come to define getting something done 'fast' as somehow better than taking my time with it. I see then a consequence is not really embracing and engaging in what I am doing and am rather moving myself through it as quickly as possible to get it done and thus get to that point wherein I have a positive experience of 'it's done' - 'yay me, look what I've done in this amount of time.'

So a point to open up here and investigate further, which I will do in blogs to come.

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