07 January 2014

296: The Real Story

Tomorrow I am going out of town and am looking forward to traveling.

Today I had to work, one more shift before I leave.

I have been working quite a bit since I have been on break from school.

I walked into work with the expectation that it would be slow and perhaps I would be able to leave a little bit earlier and have more of the day to make sure all was set for my travels and everything else was done for the day.

This was my first mistake - walking into work with an expectation. An expectation is basically an idea of how you think things will go or more specifically - how you would like things to go. So it's basically existing within a state of mind that sees reality as one way when the actual, physical reality might have a whole other story to tell. The Real Story.

So while my shift at work started and things were going fine, it remained steady with business. After the initial lunch rush, I again expected the business to slow down and I would be able to get done early. I was patiently waiting - in anticipation.

Yet - my expectations never came to fruition. Business picked up again and I noticed how each time the host would come sit another table in my section, I would be more and more annoyed and I projected this irritation on the poor host, as if he had done something wrong; something other than his job.

This was the problem. Well really, this whole point I've written is the problem - starting with going into work with an idea/expectation and the consequences then is me becoming possessed with irritation and annoyance and projecting it somewhere other then where it belongs - within/as myself for accepting and allowing myself to impose my mental imagination preference onto physical reality and with physical reality is what it is - not allow myself to embrace the moments as what is here and instead attempt to fight with what was happening in trying so hard to hold onto the expectation I had of leaving work early.

The whole shift then was walked in separation of the moment, of what is here, as the present. It was instead walked within my mind as the image that I would have liked to have seen play out and when that did not happen, go blaming some innocent co-worker.

I have seen this point before yet here more specifically I can see how the acceptance and allowance of an expectation of my work shift before I even stepped one foot in the door, created this whole situation. When I could have simply walked moment to moment, breath by breath, accepting the reality as what is here and thus not create unnecessarily conflict within myself when my mental reality did not align to the actual, physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into work with an expectation in my mind of how I would have liked things to go as getting out of work early to be able to prepare for my travel plans instead of walking in/as work as what is here without any ideas or expectations of how it would go

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project myself into the future travel plans as imaginations within my mind and overlook the reality that is here as working another shift and so just want to get through the shift as to be able to get to what I am imagining which is my travel day

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become irritated and annoyed when the physical reality of work did not align to how I imagined/pictured work to go and thus did not get to play out my imagination of leaving work early and so instead of embracing what is actually real and actually HERE, attempt to hold onto my imagination reality as if that is more valuable

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project my irritation as not being able to live out my mental imaginations, onto my coworkers when they were doing their job and I was instead in conflict with the reality that he and I and all were equally participating within

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not walk with the present moment and instead project into future plans as ideal expectations and when I do not get what I want in terms of the picture in my mind, react with annoyance and frustration which is basically fighting with reality and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fight against reality instead of aligning within/as reality as walking in real time and no longer separating myself into alternate realities of imagination within my mind that are not real

When and as I see myself walking into work with expectations of how the shift will go, I stop and I breathe and bring myself out of the expectation and instead back to real time, moment to moment walking as to walk with the present moment, becoming equal with what is here, embracing what is here and thus not having any expectations except towards myself as not allowing myself to separate myself into my mind as an idea of how I would like things to go and instead walk with how things currently are and so I commit myself to stop valuing and participating in the images within my mind as imaginations of how I would like things to go and instead work with what is here, moment to moment and thus not allow myself to cause friction when my mental reality does not manifest as the physical reality

When and as I see myself becoming frustrated at work for the shift not going as how I expected and then project this onto my co-workers, I stop and I breathe and bring myself out of blame and stand in self responsibility as bringing the point back to myself in seeing/realizing/understand that i am actually upset with myself for allowing myself to participate in a reality that is not real as the imagination in my mind of how I thought my shift at work would go and so instead of valuing this, I could have walked in real space and time with/as this physical reality as what is here and thus embrace it as myself and all participating and not allow myself to go to war towards others in my reality and so I commit myself to stop blaming others for things i am responsible for such as being able to simple do what is necessary to be done in a day, at work

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