289: 'Be Positive' says the Distraction
When I look more at this point of distractions and what I use to distract myself - it's like I've been missing the actual point that is here, which is WHY I am distracting myself. The act of distrACTion is to not have to face what is really going on with self, to not really have to deal with or sort out what's going on within ourselves or our reality. It's a way to not have to do anything, to avoid and resist and basically ignore.
I am in the mode of wanting to distract myself and distracting in itself is like a resistance, It's like I do not want to have to face how I am actually experiencing myself, what specifically I am having reactions to or what is the trigger point that activated this experience of myself because in the end, it's like there is not 'want' to take self responsibility. There is no real want to change. There is no real want to address the problem, which is simply and only possibly me. I mean it's my relationship to things that cause me to experience myself the way that I do and determine whether that is positive or negative. And if it's a negative relationship that trigger a negative experience, then it's like fuck this - let me find something to distract myself with, I cannot handle this or face it or even begin to understand what's going on within me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to investigate and find out what is going on within me when I experience myself within a negative energy and instead just want to find something to distract myself with
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist and fear even the negative experiences I have within myself and not want to face/address and understand where it's coming from and what is going on as to actually give myself solutions and directions to no longer accept this negative experience I'm currently allowing
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, in experiencing a negative emotion in relation to something within my life, validate it's existence as if it is real in NOT investigating it and instead find ways to distract myself because in this, I'm saying 'shit - I cannot deal with this, this is more than me' and so dis-empowering myself from actually realizing the power I do have to stop and change me in no longer accepting my emotions and feelings to simple be me and instead find out what triggered it, what thoughts or back chats are fueling it and what ideas I'm holding within my mind about me or the thing I'm reacting to to then be able to walk a process of release myself from the experience
I forgive myself that I Have not accepted and allowed myself to take responsibility for the negative experiences and reactions I have in relation to people and situations in my life and instead want to just distract myself in thinking it's 'too much' and 'i cannot handle it' instead of realizing that I can actually handle it as it is here for me to face and so I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to see all experiences or reactions that i Have come up within my mind as points of support to release myself from what i have created relationships to in my life and within me that cause separation as internal conflict
I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to validate the belief that i cannot handle the negative experiences/emotions that arise within me when I accept and allow myself to instead find something to distract myself with or entertain myself with as to run away form the point
I forgive myself that i Have accepted and allowed myself to accept the experience of feeling shitty in relation to a negative experience and to want to avoid this experience through using something as a distraction from it, seeking something better, as a positive feeling, yet not really getting out the problem in the first place, only suppressing it and 'putting it away' for later realizing I will eventually have to face the truth of me
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to resist 'going into' the negative experiences/emotions I have as not writing about the points and applying self forgiveness but too instead turn the other cheek and pretend they don't exist and continue on what seems to be my past acceptance of a positive feeling/thoughts creating a positive reality
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to condition myself to think and believe that if I ignore the negative and not pay attention to the negative experiences I have, then it will just 'go away' instead of realizing that it never just goes away, I am only ignoring the point and so suppressing it, yet still allowing it to exist within me and thus validating it's existence
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to think that if I find something to distract me from the negative experiences I have as finding something that is 'better' and makes me feel good, which is the search for Positivity, the negative experience will just go away
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to value the positive experience and not the negative experience as suggesting one is better than the other instead of realizing that if it wasn't for the negative experience, I would not be on a quest for positive feelings and so one does not exist within the other
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to continue to participate in trying to find the positive thing in my life to make me feel better within a fear of the negative things - instead of realizing i Have decided what is positive and what is negative and in this polarity relationship - causing instability within myself instead of a stable self here, that moves without the polarity of positive or negative experiences to move me in one direction or the other
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not question the positive feeling I'm looking for in the distractions I use throughout my days yet to deny the negative experience, suggesting one is more real than the other, yet both are one and the same and so I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that the way to approach BOTH experience, both sides of the polarity is also one and the same, with self investigation, writing, self forgiveness and self corrective statements and application as I see/realize/understand that both is a con of consciousness and does not take into consideration practical reality life and living and instead only serves self interest and is only a point of pre-occupation and limited self definition - implying me as a human can only be positive or negative and through my defining as one better than the other, attempt to seek out and experience that one - instead of getting back to reality and stop fooling myself in thinking feelings and emotions and the experience they create are what is actually real in this world or actually who I am.
I commit myself to stop resisting the negative experience and thus seek a distraction as attempting to move towards a positive experience
I commit myself to question and investigate both the negative and positive experience within me
I commit myself to realize that the positive and negative experiences I have are NOT real, but only limited ways of existing through how I've come to define or shall I say JUDGE certain things as either positive or negative and so determine who I am and how I experience myself according to that and so here I commit myself to redefining who I am and my relationship with ALL things to no longer be that of polarity as either positive or negative but to instead be of equality and oneness - an equilibrium, stability and so seeing what is actually here and not how I've come to define things within polarity
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