27 October 2013

263: Fear of Loss - Fear of Letting Go

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go of points within myself, within my life that I have attached value to as being important or somehow giving me something that without - I could not or would not have

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go of the attachments I have created towards points separate and outside of me here, through and as my mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to let go of those points within myself and within my life that I have attached a positive energy and definition towards - where I do not want to let go of them at all, I fear letting go of them because I fear not having them/it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself within defining myself according to something outside and separate from me here as having a positive value judgment I have given to it and to within this define myself as better or more or my life better or more and so fear losing that point of self definition I have given to myself towards something outside and separate from me here as fear losing that which I think I have gained towards how I have defined things within myself and within my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the self-enslavement I cause for and as myself when I define myself according to things in my reality and within my life and especially when I define those things as something positive and use to make myself feel better about myself or more than myself and thus fear losing/letting go/walking without those points

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see the enslavement I have caused within myself where I cannot imagine myself walking without a particular self definition or positive experience I have given life to towards points separate and outside of me here to the point where I will hold onto these things for as long as I can within the fear of losing them

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give so much value to things outside and separate from me here to the point where I cannot stand to live with/be with/walk without these points - yet not seeing/realizing or understanding that I have in fact accepted, allowed and thus defined myself according to something that is separate from me - I have already created the loss as I have lost touch with the reality of myself and with all life that is here in each moment as each breath - instead I have gone into my mind, defined things within my reality as positive and good and within this - define myself according to these things and thus define myself as positive and good and more than myself and thus have abdicated myself from the real reality that I am here without any self definition or positive feelings yet I have attached such a value judgment to something outside of myself through how I see/perceive/define it that I have created a point of fear within me towards it - fear of losing it, of letting it go, of being without it and never stopping and asking myself, is this a real fear? Is this a real experience?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not question the experience of fear I have towards things within my reality that I don't want to let go of and instead simply accept the fear as if it is real and valid and practical instead of seeing that it's only a self-trap I have placed myself within as actual self limitation because within my fear of letting something go - I am saying I cannot exist without this thing or I actually think I will not exist without this thing - instead of realizing this thing is a separate entity that I have constructed within my mind that only serves my ego of self definition and if I would dare to stop and actually face and walk through my fear of letting this point(s) go, I would realize that I am still here - with or without this point - I still exist, I am still here and so seeing I am only fearing to lose the experience I create through defining myself according to things in my reality

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to become reactive as fear and resistance towards letting go of points within my reality where I will actually desire to hold onto any point I see I can that will keep me attached and connected to this point that I fear losing

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself within myself and within my relationship with myself and within my reality and the priorities and responsibilities that I Have within defining myself and valuing something outside of myself to the point where I want to place all my attention and focus onto this point and let go of everything else - instead of realizing that what I am actually not allowing myself to do is let go of the fear that is gripping me to hold tight to something I have defined myself according to - I am attempting to hold onto an illusion - to my own creation yet to something that is not real - yet I have given it so much power and validity within my mind in how I see it and how I see it serves me and how it makes me feel that I have not questioned it or asked myself what the hell I am doing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust how I define myself in relation to others things within my reality instead of always investigating that which I am creating a relationship towards to ensure I am never placing myself and who I am within a thought about this thing and instead remain standing where I am, with two feet on the ground in physical reality and thus always actually here, always actually stable - as this physical reality - and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand that I actually fear losing/letting go of how I define myself in relation to points outside/separate from me here and even more within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use and abuse points outside and separate from me here as a source of self definitions that I can use within self interest to serve me as ego in how I feel about and experience myself and so realizing it's not these points in my reality or life that I fear losing - it is the relationship I have created towards these point that originate from within me; how they make me feel and how I use them to define myself - which I realize are not real and so fear of losing/letting go of an illusion

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not question the fear I have towards losing something outside and separate from me here as being that which I have not yet created, designed or sustained within myself and thus this fear of letting go/losing something within my reality as the relationship I have created towards it actual reveal the self interest I am accepting and allowing of myself as I am using something outside of myself to define myself, to make me feel a certain way, to have me experience myself a specific way and thus limiting even now the existence of something/someone else to be that which is only here to support and serve me as my pursuit of happiness which only exists within the starting point of fear

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the power I have in creating something such as an illusion as a relationship towards something outside and separate from me here to the extent where I will then fear to lose it - something that is not even grounded in physical reality, something that does not feed me or nourish my body, quench my thirst or protect me from the environment - it's not anything of substance as actual reality that I fear to lose - it is something that 'makes me' feel a certain way about myself and so within this I forgive myself that i have not yet accepted and allowed myself to investigate this relationship towards points outside/separate from me here that i Have attached such a value towards where I think I cannot possible let it go and find out how it is serving me as my self interest as I see/realize/understand that is where I will find the cause of why I don't want to let it go because I also see/realize/understand it's not necessarily about fear of letting it go - it's of not wanting to let it go because i have used this point outside/separate from me here as a source of positive energy, of a feeling experience - which I've come to see can be stopped in a moment and so I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to, within self honesty, see what it is I am holding onto as what this point outside/separate from me here gives to me that I think adds to me and my life experience and ask the question why am I not living/giving it to myself and instead abusing something outside of myself for this point(s)

When and as I see myself existing within and participating as fear of loss/letting go towards anything outside and separate from me such as a relationship I have created towards something in my life or my reality - I stop and I breathe and I bring myself back to my body within/as this physical reality and to the realization that this fear of loss or of letting something go indicate a point of separation within me where I am accepting and allowing myself to think that without this point I have created a relationship towards that I am fearing to let go/live without/not have in my reality, that I will somehow lose a part of myself and so indicating I am defining myself, as a self limitation, in relation to something and use it to serve me in some way or another and thus existing within/as self interest and so I commit myself to see/realize/understand that anytime I experience fear of loss or of not wanting to let something go - I am not giving/living this point that I am attached to and have given such value towards, within and as myself and so I commit myself to investigate the fear of loss/letting something go - where it's originating within me such as how it serves me in how I feel about myself or my life or how I experience myself or my life and why I think I cannot live without it - I commit myself to be self honest in the face of any fear of loss as I see/realize/understand that such a fear exists within the mind because if I were to remove the attachment as a value judgment of positivity towards anything within my reality, I would realize I am still here, I still remain and so I commit myself to investigate what I am holding onto and what I am defining myself as in relation to it in order to remove the self enslavement such a relationship cause



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