Because if you are not here as the breath, time moves fast as you are busy with this and this and that(in your mind) and allowing all sorts of little things to "catch your eye" in pulling your attention and keeping you tunneled into one thing, and before you know it, you have spent the whole day on one fantastically designed mind-trip where you think you are so happy, yet you are utterly so fucked, as the day has been left with your responsibilities still waiting and now have accumulated energy and consequences that could have been prevented.
Ok, so that was just to get the ball rolling here, because I was unsure of the direction I would take in regards to the blog tonight. Today was cool as I supported myself through a fear I had and I did it, and despite the physical reactions, I made it, lol, I'm still here and the support was cool. Yet, from this I was lost within the satisfaction of walking through this point and allowed it to distract me all day. Breathing was here and there, but not constant and definitely not used in supporting myself to direct myself in doing what was necessary to be done. I realize that when I am not breathing, I am not living and I am existing within an alternate reality in my mind; where everything is glorious and I am so happy and I am hopeful of the future - yet within this, i do not take into consideration the physical process in which one would have to walk, point by point, to create such a happy future. I just see/experience the happy future and am satisfied with that feeling. Getting stuck here is literally removing self from reality and from any possibility of actually creating a future worthy to be lived.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not utilize breath today when I saw myself going into my mind, projecting futures and payouts that I desire in being satisfied in my mind's reality instead of standing here for real in physical reality
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only ever accept and be satisfied with the reality I can conjure up within my mind, instead of asking myself what it will take to create a reality best for all and myself here in this real, physical reality and no longer allow the mind's reality to become more important than actual reality
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let go of the responsibilities of my day because of my participation within my mind wherein I did not stop myself because it felt to good to stop myself and so I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give up my right to life/live through/as my abdication of self honesty here in/as physical reality through my participation in the alternate reality of the mind wherein I am giving my attention separate from what is real, here, in/as/with the physical reality
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to squander my day in allowing myself to generate good feelings through/as the pictures and images within my mind wherein I become satisfied with this feeling instead of finding out how to live if for real in physical reality and never questioning why my mental reality does not align with my physical reality; why would I desire to go into my mind instead of remaining here equal and one with life?
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe life is defined according to the way that I feel and the better I feel and the more good I feel, then the more I believe I am living, instead of realizing that those feelings are energy which I create/generate/support/manifest within and as who I am through the very act of thinking and all participation within my mind where I am not standing as the directive principle of myself but instead sitting back as the observer watching the movie playing in my head and completely submit to this because it produce for me 'good feelings' and like any addict, I don't want to let go of the good feelings because I believe I need them and beleive I cannot live without them and so I forgive myself that i have so utterly accepted and allowed myself to give up myself as life to the story within my mind as the movie I watch to be entertained and drugged and no more able to effectively exist in reality as walking with/as/through the physical reality = that reality that is clearly showing me that through the existence I have allowed up till now, is not worthy or dignified and in all ways unacceptable and so I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the responsibility I have in being here, in remaining here, in standing here, in directing myself here in/as/with/through this physical reality as what is here requires attention, correction and support and so I commit myself to give myself to this reality as my body has given me the ability to live, I commit myself to bring life back into this reality as myself through stopping my participation in energy as separation that is used to close people of into little bubbles of happiness and instead I face my world and decide to do what is best for all, for life
When and as I see myself going into my mind to find happiness and excitement as standing in judgment of my reality here and allowing my reality to be without direction, I stop and I breathe and I bring myself back into physical reality, out of my mind bubble of illusion as I see/realize/understand the self interest and separation I accept in going into my mind in saying that I have to 'go there' because 'here' is not cool - as 'here' I am faced with myself and so I commit myself to face myself in being here, with breathing and supporting myself through writing, self forgiveness and self corrective statements as I realize it is the only way to stop my participation in my mind and to bring myself back into real physical reality, standing with/as the physical as the breath
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