19 December 2012

101 - Priority

I have a priority point to deal with. Which is – priority. How I prioritize my life, and it’s time to get self honest about it.

What I see, within all the responsibilities that I have, that I tend to do those that ones that I define as “easy” – wherein they do not take up much time. Within this – I am able to get those things consistently done, daily – yet when I am without time at the end of the day, I find that those things or responsibilities that are definitely more of a priority than the others, are being ignored, and so there will be days where they do not get any of my attention or focus. So this is about prioritizing my life and the daily responsibilities that I have to ensure that I am being self honest about what requires attention and what maybe is not as important. As I see myself becoming more effective in not allowing myself to just be entertained throughout my day by doing nothing really, there is still this ‘rush rush rush’ experience of trying to get through everything, and feeling like I let myself down when I do not get everything accomplished.

This is because I do not prioritize my responsibilities effectively, within this – I allow that which I have a resistance towards be the “last thing on the list” of things to do. So first looking at, what is a priority in my life – what should come first before all other things. That would be school. This semester I have definitely let myself slide on studies – and this I can see as a character development of “being good in school/being bad in school” where I have played out this polarity in relation to school. This point I will save for a later blog. So school is priority. Next would be my own process – my self process, and that is the development of the relationship with myself. What I mean by developing a relationship with myself, is getting to that point of self honesty with myself each day, to self reflect on who I have been, who I was, what I participated within my day, what thoughts did I have, what emotions and feelings did I give into, what are my experiences – you know, getting to know myself for real as becoming self intimate with myself. Creating a relationship with myself that is best for all, where I am honest with myself, where I am able to trust myself, where I am responsible for myself, where I allow myself to express and not limit myself by pre-programmed self definitions. Basically ridding myself of the ego each day to clear myself in order to be/live as a more effective human being in this world.

So this is definitely a priority point. My Process – and I do this with writing. Writing everyday is a way to build self trust, to stop the resistance I have about facing myself and to create a stable point for myself to grow and develop that self communication and self intimacy – to really spend time with myself each day in building myself as who I want to be.

So within this point of writing, obviously goes hand in hand with self forgiveness and self corrective application/commitment statements where I re-script myself into how to live in this world, instead of allowing automatic responses to just jump out of my ass – but to really become self directive in each moment as breath to decide who I am going to be in each moment. So within this daily application of self support as the process I am walking, the next priority I would say is the Desteni I Process courses I am currently walking. The structured re-education course I am taking online that assists and supports me with these tools I have come to learn on how to look at myself within self honesty, and self responsibility - yet it is more extensive as the process of self investigation and it supports/pushes me to really dig deep and look at specific mind constructs and to really face myself. So DIP and the Agreement Course are up there with the list of priorities. Next I would say are the responsibilities I have as walking as part of a group – the desteni community. Within that we are very busy with forum support, our own daily writings, supporting each other’s blogs and vlogs, emails, chats, transcriptions, weekly video campaigns, overall supporting the desteni message on various social media sites. So the major point of priorities within this would be those with ‘deadlines’, such as transcriptions. These are usually assigned and due within 2 weeks, where we get various interviews from Eqafe shop to transcribe so that they can be translated into other languages so that more people are able to get the support desteni unconditionally gives in so many ways. So that would be next on the list.

As far as daily responsibilities – these 4 things are the main points that I have had a tendency of “putting to the side” and so to direct myself within realizing these are in fact the priorities, and from there, once they are done – the day is free to do other things I would like. Such as then participating on the desteni forums, rating blogs and vlogs, organizing my living area so that it is effective to live within, cooking, playing with my cats, visiting with friends and family, taking a walk and further studies of ourselves and the world systems we are currently in, as well as reading other destonian Journey to Life blogs – as we are walking the same process of directing ourselves and so there is much support here I have not yet given to myself.

So this was to direct the point of 'priority' within my day to day living, to stop creating myself as a victim to my own self created resistances that lead to consequence and unnecessary experiences of conflict within myself as 'being behind' and self judgments for not doing that which I know I am more than capable of.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define responsibilities or projects or assignments that do not require a lot of time to do as being 'easy' and thus decide to do only those as I define those points as responsibilities within my day to day living that take more time, more in depth evaluation, more self movement and self direction as being 'hard' and 'difficult' and thus resist actually doing them within how I define myself as incapable

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as incapable of taking on such projects I have defined as 'difficult' instead of realizing I created the definition of what it is and thus am able to change my mind about how I will accept and allow myself to exist in relation to it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create resistances towards responsibilities within my life that are absolutely priority in that they require my immediate direction in order to be completed as they are the specific points that are of utmost support for me currently in my life and my process

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a resistances to the things that are priorities in my life within defining them as ‘hard work’ and ‘taking too long’ within this, not giving myself the patients to breathe through each moment as I walk through each point, ensuring that I am completing and giving all of myself to each responsibility/task

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘take the easy road’ in my daily responsibilities – doing only that which I define as ‘easy’ wherein the fact is it's the fear of having to ‘dive deep’ into myself, as self reflection/investigation or a point that will support my self expression to be free in moments without limitation – these moments I resist through defining myself as not capable of really digging deep within self honestly taking a look at myself or dealing with memories and the relationships I have created to others in my reality, or allowing myself to trust myself in the moment of self expression in sharing without the dependency on knowledge and information

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take the ‘path of least resistance’ within my daily living, directing only points within my day that I define as “easy” as I believe I do not have to be self reflective or self directive – these are the points that are usually ‘automatic’ in that they are simple automated points that do not require much attention, just some simple physical acts, realizing here I am limiting myself in keeping myself confined to the self definitions that I am not able to expand myself beyond that which I believe is ‘hard work’

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that the belief within myself that some things are ‘hard’ is how I create a resistance and actually a judgment on because then I define them as ‘negative’ and prefer to ‘feel good’ within myself and my world and thus do not ‘go there’ yet remain isolated in the comforted space within my mind where I believe ‘its easier’ to exist

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that to face resistances is an awesome supportive indicator of being right where I am suppose to be – as it challenges me in every possible way as how I have accepted and allowed myself to be thus it is real self growth – it forces me to face myself, in facing the definitions I have drawn up within myself as the lines of boundaries I cannot cross without realizing the lack of expansion I am actually giving to myself

I forgive myself that I have not yet allowed myself to go beyond the boundaries I have created for myself to ‘stay in line’ within myself and my life as believing this will keep me safe from having to face the reality of myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the ‘easy/simple’ tasks in my day to day living as an excuse to not take on the more priority points within my life, in when I complete these easy tasks, I justify my resistance towards the more that ‘need my attention’ responsibilities as saying, “look at me – at least I did this – I did something, it’s cool I didn't get to everything” – yet using this justification everyday is a clear indicator I am hiding/running away from something and it is obviously myself and my self responsibility to sorting myself out

When and as I see myself allowing myself to participate firstly within my day those points of responsibility that are not as high on the priority list for myself as others - I stop and I breathe and I investigate my starting point for such decisions and bring myself back to the self honest point of some things require my attention and focus and direction first within the day and so I commit myself to support myself in dealing with/directing those responsibilities that are on the top of my priority list first and foremost realizing that if I do not, I am only accumulating this energy experience I have created in the past of "being behind" and 'having to play catch up" and feeling hurried as I need to quickly get them done in time - I commit myself to stop creating, accepting and allowing these unnecessary experiences of emotions and feelings and simply breathe through each responsibility, giving myself the patients to actually walk through each point, doing what is necessary to be done without any ideas or perceptions about it, just being here, in the physical, as my physical, directing myself to direct each point requiring attention in my day

I commit myself to take on in each day those responsibilities and points that are of utmost importance, the priorities and then once they are complete go on to tho other points in my day that require less attention - allowing myself to then direct all points necessary in a day without resisting some and focusing on others more - simply taking on each point, giving it equal attention and focus, breathing patients and getting them done

I commit myself to utilize resistances as self support to "walk the path of MOST resistance" as within this I realize I am actually supporting myself to grow and expand beyond the self creating imaginary boundaries

I commit myself to stop allowing resistances influence me in my day, as I realize resistances are based within self definitions and relationships I have created within my mind towards other things in my reality and thus I take responsibility for the creation of resistances and no longer allow them to direct me, yet I direct myself to 'go there' to that point in which I am resisting - to face it once and for all

I commit myself to stop judging some responsibility/tasks in my day as 'easy' and some as 'hard'

I commit myself to stop taking the easy path as within this I am only keeping myself in the limited acceptance of what I am capable in my life and this world

I commit myself to expand myself through pushing myself through all resistances I create in my day

I commit myself to stop all excuses that justify my reasoning for not taking on responsibilities in my day that will take my time and my patients, allowing myself to use these points as self support to slow down, breathe, be in the physical doing whatever it is I am doing as a point of priority in my day

I commit myself to support myself with the self support I have written here in following the list of priorities, trusting myself to get to those points that I have allowed myself to ignore by completing those first within my day

I commit myself to give myself enough time and space throughout the day to enjoy myself as well, to not always be 'about business' and support myself to simply be here, breath, and enjoy, in whatever it is I am doing, always 'being here'