Kristina's Journey to Life

I just listened to an Eqafe recording titled, "Forgiveness and Forgetting" . It explains the point of how just because you forgive something, doesn't mean it forever deletes it from you or your mind. There still exists a remembrance - a recalling of what has happened and who you were. I was reminded of a time in my life where I realized I required to forgive myself for something I had done. I was ashamed and felt guilty , and regretting how I made the decision to do what I did. And for weeks, the same experience was coming up, I kept going back to the moment where I made this decision, what came from my decision, how it changed my life, and I was gripped by this emotion of regret and sadness. And I realized with this continuing to come up I had to forgive myself, to allow myself to let go of what I was holding onto. I realized I couldn't change what was done - what I had done. It was done and that was that. There was no going back. But I still remained, and ...

To touch base on a previous blog, 540 , I wanted to reiterate the point of how 'what you resist, persists'. When I resist pain such as headaches and take a pill to get rid of the experience , I am essentially giving up the opportunity I have to develop a level of self-intimacy, and self-awareness. Headaches, and pains, as mentioned in my previous blog, don't just come out of nowhere. Often times I can see how I create the pains... how who I am, and what I participate within my mind creates the experience in my physical body. And so rather than investigating what has been accepted and allowed that thus creates an outflow consequence on/in/as the body, we just take a pill to deal with the issue, not realizing there is something deeper to dis-cover. How we allow our patterns of pain to persist is in how we resist DEALING with the actual problems that create the pain in the first place.  Instead of getting to the root of the problem - finding the thought patterns we k...

Recently I saw myself faced with a fear of 'going at it alone'. In a group setting, it can be scary standing out, drawing attention to yourself, and be willing to share some new ideas. For me, it was a need for others to agree, as to validate what I could see I could do - thinking I needed others to do it too. But of course, we are all alone. We are alone within ourselves and the direction we take, and the decisions we make. To lead or to follow. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I have to ask other's permission to start projects I see worth starting I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I must get other's approval before I can carry on with something I see worth carrying on with I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to go against the consensus of others I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe I need others to tell me it's okay...