Kristina's Journey to Life

Taking responsibility for myself here - as I have been accepting and allowing myself to participate in blame through gossip. I have been having conflict with a family member - but it was not a direct conflict through face to face communication - it was through the digital world and through speaking about it with other family members. What I see within myself through participating in such communications about this situation - is that I was blaming this person for being the way that they are and for doing something apparently to me. I was blaming this person for saying things that I reacted towards as judgments - like he was judging me within saying the things he was saying... that I accepted within myself to feel judged. And instead of stopping myself from accepting myself as a victim - I just blamed him for saying things that I reacted to, and communicated 'why he is the way he is, and his actions say this about him' This is unacceptable - as I am only separating myself...

Where do I start? I suppose my whole life was leading to this point - where I face myself and this world in it's totality. I mean it's inevitable for us all to face the truth of ourselves - as we cannot continue on the path we are currently on - there has to be a change - whether we like it or not. Because in the End - Life is calling each one to wake up to the realization that we are here - we are responsible and we are the only ones to change ourselves/this world. No one can save us - no one can change us - we have to move ourselves and decide for ourselves what life is - who we are in relation to life and how life will be lived. As we can see currently - this thing we call life - is only self destruction. And so - we have to stop and re consider the path we are walking - and dare to do something that has never been done in all of the time humans have walked on this earth.... See each other and ourselves Equal. Live Equality and Oneness and stop waiting for an imaginary being...

"Be a leader, not a follower" This statement has existed in my life for a long time - and only now I see it for what is really is. TO be a 'follower' within this world - is to go with the flow - accept this world the way it is - to not question what is here as what we call life - to 'fit it' and present a personality that does not consider life or who we are in fact. It is to be blind to how this world operates and how each of us operates - but to keep accepting and allowing ourselves to exist in our own separate reality of the mind where we can do anything we want and be anything we want and not face ourselves within this physical reality. As I see this world reflects who each one is. So to be a follower implies you accept this Life the way it is - and do nothing to change yourself or this world. To be a leader - is to dare to question ourselves and this world. TO expose and reveal the actual nature of what is going on and to not stop until all abuse e...

Love. What is Love? When I was a child - and would hear the radio - I noticed a peculiar thing. Everyone was signing about love. And it appeared in a wide variety of ways. Happy songs of Love - sad songs of Love - no matter what though - as a child... I wondered about this thing that everyone seemed to be so consumed by. What is Love? Is Love a feeling? A feeling to have to/towards someone - yet it fluxuates and is never stable - as it changes and alters and turns into other things - such as hate. I suppose this is the relationship defintion of Love - when to people 'fall in love' then 'fall outta love'. So it's like this 'space' we enter. This place we go to where we feel all these wonderful things that completely take us over and we forget about everything else in our world. Love is a drug? It has to be. As it is used to 'feel something' - to have an experience - and it is dependent upon something else; usually another being. How fascinat...

Who here as heard the phrase, "Everything happens for a reason!"?? I know I have - and I have been the one preaching it. You didn't get the job... "everything happens for a reason" You're boyfriend left you... "everything happens for a reason" You couldn't buy that home... "everything happens for a reason" There are countless ways we have expressed this saying, "everything happens for a reason" From what I can see - in most cases it is used as a way to make people feel better about themselves - to not be hard on themselves - to not feel like they are 'left out of this cruel world' Behind it we can see it plays a part in keeping up in acceptance of a 'greater plan'. That no matter what happens in our lives - it was 'planned' to be and there is a reason it was. My boyfriend left me for my best friend... 'everything happens for a reason' The baby was born still born... 'everythi...

I just completed my lesson for assignment 4 within the Desteni I Process course I am currently walking. I looked at the history of my assignments - and holy shit - I realized/saw that it has taken me almost a year to do these 4 lessons. What I can see looking back is how easily I allowed myself to choose to fall. Meaning - I deliberatly resisted doing the work and gave myself reasons and excuses and justifications within what I was accepting and allowing. What is fascinating now to see however - is once we face enough of our accaptances and allowance - we then are faced with a decision. To either walk or not. TO either face ourselves or not. TO either become self honest within self responsibility - or to continue allowing limitations within ourselves as allowing the mind to dictate and direct us within our lives - allowing ourselves to be a slave to our minds resistances. I've had enough - as I cannot deny what I see I was doing deliberatly - avoiding and justifying and I ...

While participating in one of my daily activities – I found I was giving a lot of attention to one being specifically – and within this I started having fears about what this person thought of me or how another person within their reality thought of me – as I feared they were reacting to me giving so much attention to this one being. And it wasn’t as such as giving attention – but simply happen to be, through the activity I was participating within that it seemed as if I was giving this person more attention. And do I realize this is a self definitions/persecution within myself. So within this – I had fear about how a being was reacting – assumed that they were reacting – and this is also based on self definitions of this person based on past memories and knowledge and information of ‘who this person was’ or what they participated within. Now I can direct this back to myself within seeing that if I were standing in this being’s shoes – this is how I would have reacted. That this othe...

Writing from a few days ago - walking through points of the Mind with writing, self forgiveness and self correction application: I had a dance class earlier tonight. I noticed that initially when I started taking the classes – I thought it would be easy and I would be ‘good’ at it.(thought based on past memories/experiences) Then I struggled through the first classes and I felt like I wasn’t good(thought/self judgment). And I felt bad about myself about this(emotion) – and then tonight – I felt better because I could perform the moves better and I saw how the programming from a child dancer came back and then all of a sudden I got this sense of like ‘I’m good’(thought/feeling). I see how I am constantly comparing myself to other dancers. Like there was this girl that I would define as overweight or heavy – and she was very good and I had thoughts about how that was surprising that she was good (thought). Or there was this other girl – and you could tell by her form that she was train...

I just made a video about the Teachings of Abraham Hicks - and I want to go further into some of the points I did not address within the video. Firstly - within the teachings of Abraham hicks - they sell the idea that we are emotional beings. That we have an emotional guidance SYSTEM and that we can choose 'where' we are on that emotional guidance SYSTEM. For instance - if I am 'feeling' happy and joyful and appreciation - then I am on the 'higher' end of this emotional guidance SYSTEM and if I am feeling 'low' and sad and in despair - then I am on the lower emotional guidance SYSTEM - and all of this is based on the idea that we are vibrating 'positive and negative' out into the world - with the conclusion that this is what we create in our reality and this reality we all share. Why do I emphasis SYSTEM in an emotional guidance SYSTEM - because, hello! We are accepting we are a system! Is a system life? No - it is dependent upon energy to ...

AHHHH - I don't know what to write. Which is crap. I was like - should I write a debunking blog? Should I write a self forgiveness blog? Should I write a 'poetry' blog. No - it's like, fuck I don't want to write. And so here I am - writing. Why? Because I told myself that I would - starting living the words I speak. Stop giving myself reasons to 'fall' and to face it another day. What I realize - is that if I tell myself something - say I make a commitment - and I am unwilling to walk through that commitment - what does that say about me? Who am I for real then? Someone who speaks empty words and gives false hope and ultimately is untrustworthy. Well I definitely do not accept this of myself. I create this idea that i believe I have to portray - 'live up to' - keep going as an image. Of how i 'see' myself and define myself - yet is always within separation of myself and hence.. the friction. Friction as resistance I create. And s...

LOL - so today I resisted a bit to write here. Instead I have been keeping myself busy doing other things - and actually forgot that a blog was still due for the day. Until now. Until now - the last thing I was doing was going over my lesson 4 within my Desteni I Process lesson. It specifically deals with/assists with writing, self forgiveness, words, definitions, pictures/memories, and self corrective statements/scripts. As I was looking over my assignment and what I have done to complete the lesson so far - I went to see about sending it in for review. I clicked on the link that was presented as our assignment we were turning it.. and bam - it was not what I had seen yet and not what I had been working with/on for my assignment. For context - this lesson I have been resisting for about, oh, 3 months now. Barely doing the reading and had only just recently touched the assignment. I have, however, gotten 'fed up' with the crap and have been pushing myself to complete it. Y...

2012 is Here dom.. dom... dom... There is A LOT of hype around this year - so many beLIEfs - so many thoughts - so many ideas - so many fears - so many opinions - so many Human Beings lost in distraction of fantasy and illusion. The POINT is - this is just another year. And all the beliefs swirling around it - is just another way we distract ourselves from taking responsibility for what is HERE - as the current state of this world. Whether we BeLIEve jesus is going to return and save us - or it's aliens coming to clean up our mess - see it for what is actually is - A Means to keep ourselves BLIND to how we can actually change this world . There are so many angles one can take and challenge with common sense in terms of how people are holding/placing value on this year, 2012 - which I will do in many blogs to come. This is just a starter - to open the conversation and to start removing the blinders. What will it take for us to WAKE UP and see this doomsday prophecy o...

So looking back at this last year - and 'who I am' within what I have done in relation to participating within sharing myself and common sense perspectives for this world - I see inconsistency. So from here - I want to address the point of deception as the act of not living the words we speak - not being the living word - but instead saying one thing and doing another. Which I have realized leads to the absence of self trust - as self will tell self one thing - but then does not live this or apply this. For instance - I have made a commitment to myself in the past to do 21 days of self writing - blogging. I have also made this commitment within vlogging and failed to push through the mental walls I was holding up in front of myself - and always ended up NOT doing what I said I would do. Obviously this would lead to conflict within oneself - as I cannot trust myself. Because I tell myself one thing and then don't do it. This is an act of self abuse and the unwillingness ...

Walking through the consequences of my Past This last semester of school (fall), I was on academic probation because of my decisions and actions made 2 years ago. I attempted school and withdrew after just half the semester. This time around - I was dedicated and motivated to be in school, participating and doing what was needed to be done. Yet - with completing the same amount of credits this semester as I attempted 2 years ago - I was finishing with only a 50% completion rate - so while being on academic probation - I went into suspension. No problem - I has been speaking with my adviser and all I had to do was submit an appeal for the suspension. So I got support letters from my teachers, my reason for dropping out 2 years ago, and a letter of what I am willing do to to ensure success with my education. My adviser was convinced my appeal would go through because of the turn around I made - and I also felt confident about it - and so I continued my registration for classes, and...