578: Have you had Enough? Ready to Snap?
So I had a moment today where the point came up again where I was becoming frustrated, and agitated and reactive basically - blame towards others in my environment, doubt that what I've been applying is even working, and feeling as though I'm about to give up because "fuck it - what's the point."
And in looking at this point, I realized it's from a process of accepting and allowing things to accumulate within me. I mean obviously that's what's going on - how can something 'hit a boiling point' or a 'breaking point' if it's not being added to, or have some sort of influence over it. 'Reaching the limit' and 'having enough' is like I've been filling a hole with stuff, and stuff, and stuff, and now it's about to be full. And I won't be able to add to that hole with more stuff until I empty what's already in there.
And so I see it two ways. Two options or two routes that could play out. Scenario one is I keep adding to it, without sorting it out, and I reach that limit and have a meltdown or explode in anger or lash out at others or my environment. The 'stuff' is actually emotional energy and it has to be released somehow, and that usually is through yelling, becoming aggressive with the environment like slamming doors or throwing things, or even it can become suppressed even more where we push it down even deeper within ourselves. But inevitably the latter will lead to an even bigger explosion and so even more consequence. So that's scenario one.
The second scenario is self-forgiveness. This is exactly the point of self-forgiveness, and why we have it as a gift and a tool. Self-forgiveness releases that energy - it allows us to LET IT GO so that we no longer are carrying this shit around with us. This shit meaning the thoughts, backchats, negative emotions of blame and anger, resentments, disappointment, etc. With self-forgiveness - we take responsibility for what we are experiencing, why we are experiencing it, and we release it from ourselves through forgiveness. This scenario is the most practical and best for all way to go about this situation.
It is not destructive or abusive towards ourselves, others, and our environment. It is self-directed to DEAL WITH the shit that's going on inside of us.
And so then I have a choice. To act out and throw a tantrum within myself for not being able to 'handle it anymore' OR to apply self-forgiveness for all the layers I've been adding to this hole inside of me - deconstructing point by point to understand WHAT I've been doing to myself, within myself, who I have been existing as, and to CLEAR the way to create something new. A new self.
So for me, I choose self-forgiveness because I realize that the reactive way of living and being is an act of abuse towards life. And that includes myself. I choose self-forgiveness because forgiveness is an ACT of letting go. Of moving on. Of creating amends. Of stepping out of the past and walking into the present and so the future without all the extra baggage from the past.
Forgiveness is how we release ourselves from our own self-imprisonment, designed and created through our own minds. Forgiveness is our key to freedom.
So I may suggest as well for you - consider the best for all approach when you are experiencing yourself as hitting your limit, or about to hit a breaking point. Don't give into the accumulated energy that YOU'VE accepted and allowed to build up inside of you - release it with Self-Forgiveness. Forgive Yourself for holding onto it and not allowing yourself to Move on and to create something new.
Artwork by: Gian Robberts
The Journey to Lifers
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