20 January 2017

527: Stuck in a Schedule

Today when my partner came home from work, he had a lot to say about his day. I was actually ready to do something else, and as he began talking, I became annoyed.

I felt stuck, and forced to listen to him. To me - this is like not being flexible in reality - as things come up, allow yourself to embrace it. Rather I was stuck in the want to continue with my day's schedule, not wanting to stop in that moment, and be here with him, but to rather keep moving.

So I was annoyed, but let him continue talking. I was not in a position to support, as he was talking about a decision he had to make with work, and the various dimensions he sees within each potential route, but I was just wanting to move on and continue on with what I was doing. So I was distracted, and not allowing myself to fully hear because I was not HERE - I was in my mind within an energetic experience.

This is not fair - and not being open to 'what is here'. I was rather remaining rigid and stubborn in not allowing myself to see an opportunity to in that moment embrace my partner, embrace me as a point of support for him, and embrace our communication in that moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be so rigid in wanting to keep to a schedule that I will not allow myself to stop for a moment if something else comes up in my reality - a momentary pause, or other direction to go into, even for just a moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not re-decide in that moment of embracing a new moment with my partner telling me about his day, and rather want to keep moving within an already established decision of what I was going to do in that moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be flexible in my day wherein if something comes up, I allow myself to move with it, rather than resisting it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my partner in that moment of wanting to not stop and listen to what he had to say, as 'forcing' me to sit there and listen instead of realizing I was enforcing within myself a point of not being flexible, and flowing with the moments as they arise - realizing you cannot always 'stick to the plan' - but rather go with the flow as things come up and require your attention

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to embrace my partner as he comes to me to share with me himself, and his day and rather resist it as I was too concerned and focused on myself/what I was doing

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to slow down in those moments where I want to keep moving, but reality offers another direction to stop for moment and see what is here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to listen to partner in that moment as not wanting to support because I was already within my mind doing something else

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live rigid rather than flowing during my days when it comes to my schedule

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to do that which I resist, which in this moment, I was resisting stopping and hearing my partner - being HERE with him

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give time or attention to that which approach me in my reality, and instead try to push it away due to me only considering ME and MY TIME and what I wanted to do

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to consider my partner, as doing to him what I would have done unto myself, and perhaps that was listen to him in that moment... to embrace him and his words and his expression, and not allow my wants and needs get in the way of how I can support and engage with another

When and as I see myself resisting to listen to my partner due to wanting to be doing something else, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that this is due to me existing within my mind as a future projection of some other project or action I could do, and not being HERE to HEAR what is directly in front of me as my actual reality and so I commit myself to pay more attention to what is here as the physical reality rather than my future projections of the mind as images of me doing something else

When and as I see myself becoming annoyed or blaming my partner for interrupting my schedule, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that he is not to blame, and is simply a point of support tin showing me perhaps to take a moment, slow down, ensure I am HERE with actual reality, and not running along within my mind as the tasks I think I must do and so I commit myself to take responsibility for myself in moments wherein reality shows another way/direction than the one I decided upon already within my mind - to allow myself to flow and move with reality rather than become rigid and stubborn in NEEDING to play out the ideas already from my mind

When and as I see myself not hearing my partner when he speaks to me, because i am not HERE but instead distracted by some energetic reaction in the mind, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that here I can apply the principle of do unto another as I would have done unto me and what I would like from my partner if I were in his shoes is someone to hear me, and listen and engage and not be distracted within the mind by some reaction. And so I commit myself to practice grounding myself in such moments to consider others in my reality, and to not only think of myself or what I want to be doing but to give others the opportunity to express and me to be here with them




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