Within myself, I felt nothing. There was no connection, no attachment. I had lived majority of my life without this person, and yet when they came back around, I believed I had something to learn. But despite the same behavior happening again, and again, I didn't allow myself to break the tie. I felt obligated, that if I were to end it, I would be lying to myself. But in keeping the relationship going, it created only more consequence. It became a shit show that if I would have rather simply walked through the ending of the relationship when I could see I wanted to because it was not best for me, and faced that uncomfortable experience, I would have never created the conflict, the resentments, and circumstances that scream to let it go, when really - I already had heard the whisper.
I was not being self honest - I was holding onto a morality. I was believing I was 'doing the right thing', and continuing to give the person the benefit of the doubt... but in time, you will come face to face with the truth of you, and others.
The truth of me was I was too forgiven in this relationship. I allowed myself to be manipulated, used, and taken advantage of. I used my time, energy, and resources to try to support another, even when they were not trying to help themselves. This should have been enough for me to realize.... You truly cannot help someone who doesn't help themselves.
There is nothing wrong with accepting that some people, and some relationships are not worth saving. There is no judgment in being able to assess whether people or relationships in your life are either supporting you to be better, or supporting you to be worse. It will either be a nurturing relationship, or a destructive one. And unfortunately I allowed it to continue despite it being destructive. Not only for myself, but for others as well.
And when you allow a toxic relationship to continue you enable the behavior of the other. You are not freeing them to face themselves, and their acceptances and allowance. At the same time, you are not freeing yourself from the beliefs in your mind as to why you justify keeping the relationship alive.
We are in a time of unpredictability. The minds of people are more and more uncertain, and the behavior less, and less directive of the person's best interest of themselves, or others. There is no reason to keep people around who are not willing to be self-responsible, self-supportive, or self-honest because if they are not able to be that with themselves, they sure as hell cannot be that for anyone else... including for you.
So do not bind yourself to morality of what is right and what is wrong... assess yourself, and your life, and your relationships within common sense as what is best for all. Ask yourself - am I afraid to let this relationship go? Does this relationship create more harm than good? Am I enabling the behavior of another that is destructive for them and myself? Do I think I will be a bad person for ending this relationship? Am I afraid I will be seen as a bad person? Do I fear their response to me ending the relationship?
It is time for us to be self honest... and to rid ourselves, and our life of that which no longer serves us, as what is best for ourselves. It is not based on righteousness - but on a stance within who one is, and what one will accept and allow within oneself. If you allow toxic people in your life, it is because you are allowing some toxic-ness within your own self. As within, so without.
So purify yourself, and your life, and your relationships. End the ones that are dead ends, and dare to walk alone if you must. At least then you know who you walk with, and you can trust because you will not accept and allow anything less than what is best for all.
That is my rant for this evening... we don't have time anymore to tolerate anything less than our utmost potential. Leave those that are not willing to walk with themselves in the same manner. We have a lot of work to do - and best to keep the company that will support you to transcend your limitations, rather than keeping you within them.
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