414: Hiding out in a Limitation

One point I am seeing within myself at work is a point of self-dis-empowerment.

There are 3 computer/work stations where I work, and while I was in training, I was told a certain station had less traffic then the others, and one had the most traffic. I’ve noticed now, since being out of training, and on my own, my first choice of work stations is the one that apparently has the less traffic. Initially I considered this was a point of getting comfortable still with the job position, and as I was still learning the job and getting amalgamated, I was wanting to be there with the less guest traffic, as being less pressure essentially.

Though today I saw it more in relation to two specific points: self-interest and a limitation I am accepting and allowing. 

A self interest point because another worker also prefers that station, the one with the apparent less traffic. Though it’s due to a physical comfort point, where the computer screen is higher for her and so less pressure on her back. When this was told to me, even though I had the my choice of computers, I didn’t want to move, because essentially I ‘wanted’ that station, the one with the less traffic, and it wasn’t due to a physical reason or comfort-ability or support, it was because it was considered to have ‘less traffic’, and for me, that meant less participation, or less responsibility on my part. I could ‘get away’ with not doing as much. And it didn’t matter to me that my co-worker may have physical discomfort, my wants were more important to me.

So that is the first point. 

The second part is The limitation, which is essentially me avoiding/resisting the more active stations, where I would have more interaction with the guests/customers, there I would be faced with more possible situations, more potential for conflict or errors or mistakes, though I see these are all learning opportunities, and yet here I’ve been hiding from it.

Another aspect of this computer station that has become my preferred station is that Its almost like tucked into this nice little corner, so it’s literally like a comfort zone, in the corner, out of sight/out of the action and so out of the potential for failure (said my fear) or perhaps even out of the way of facing some uncomfortable experience I may have when interacting with other people.

So it’s a limitation because I’m accepting this state of self – wherein I think I cannot handle a lot of pressure, I cannot handle conflict, I would rather be put to the side, in the corner, hidden and out of "harms" way. Though the harm is an idea/thought in my mind – a projection of some future situation that doesn’t actually exist, that is based on some past moments - it’s really just my own fears coming up. The mind and and it's irrationality.

So a practical application I see that can support in facing this fear is to make the decision to work at the stations that I resist – the one with the most traffic, or at least the one with the medium amount of traffic. Though – ‘at least’ – it’s like doing the bare minimum… why not go for the glory, dive into the deep end, face the biggest fear and walk through it? So what I see I can do to support myself in correcting this point, as it is misaligned and does not support self-empowerment. To empower myself is to stop the fear, not allow it to influence/direct me, and instead dare to face my fears, face the people, get the experience and walk myself into a point of comfort-ability within/as myself, within/as my job position.

And of course, to start considering others, and their physical requirements rather than my emotional wants. 

Self forgiveness in the blog to follow.

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