02 March 2015

397: Why Should I Let go of a Grudge?

In the last few days, I've been working with someone who keeps mentioning this point about something another co-worker did to them. For a handful of days, at least one comment has been made about this person that ‘did wrong’ in the eyes of my co-worker. In fact, it's the exact same words coming out of this person's mouth, day after day, about this 'bad action' by another co-worker. I find this interesting because it’s like this point of not being able to let it go as such an clear example. Holding onto a grudge – keeping that past moment present; constantly carrying it around wherever he goes.

I’m sure we can all relate to this. I mean I can – when I find myself repeating the same sentence or statement to various different people. In this, re-living whatever it is I am holding onto over and over and over again, re-telling the same old story.

I find I have a slight reaction to this co-worker of mine, for him not being able to simply let it go already. I imagined telling him to do just that, “just let it go” – though the fact that I am reacting to him, and imagining ways I could tell him how it’s quite an unnecessary thing he is doing, I am doing exactly the same thing. Not letting go of the fact that he cannot let it go. Me not letting it go is evident in the fact that I have allowed myself to play a scenario in my mind regarding this exact point. Yet I do not say anything to him about it, I just think about it – fueling my own reactions further… instead of simply letting it go.

It’s interesting how we has humans do this – take one moment in our life and replay it over and over again; constantly reminding ourselves why we were upset in the first place, or convincing ourselves to each person we talk to how we are ‘right’ and the other person is ‘wrong’, and the story we tell about the moment in time is the justification.

So why do we do this? From my perspective, we as humans are not willing to go beyond our limited interactions as our constant fighting and bickering with each other, where we so readily blame others of their shortcomings, meanwhile not at all taking any responsibility for ourselves and who we are in every single moment of our life. If we just for a day were self-honest about our thoughts, words and deeds we have, especially in relation to each other, we would be astounded by the lack of care and consideration that actually exists within us. If we just for a moment asked ourselves, “would I want another to think this about me, or to say this about me behind my back,” we would see we are not doing to others what we would have done unto us. If we dared to say to someone’s face what we are so willing to say to others when they are not around, or in the secrecy of our own minds, we probably wouldn't say half the shit we do.

Because that’s all it is – shit talk.

The devolution of humanity is quite clear in our communication with each other, about each other and when each other is not around. We keep telling the same old stories, justifying our self-righteous position that can only be validated by putting another down. We hold onto grudges and resentments, not allowing ourselves to let go of the past and live a new life in a new moment, as a new breath. If only we stopped blaming and started taking responsibility. If only we stopped reacting to each other and learned how to forgive. If only…. If only we took a step towards becoming self-aware of who we are in our thoughts, words and deeds… only then will be able to Let go and Let Live.

Learn to let go. If you cannot let go in a moment through breathing… then it’s up to you to investigate why. Blaming another is never a solution and only diminishes you as the full potential of Life. Don’t deliberately diminish yourself – deliberately decide to Be the Change and not delve into the desires of the mind looking for any and all reasons why YOU are not the ONE responsible for YOU. No, No, No.. it's not 'them'... it's YOU.

Only when we start to consider ourselves, and how we've lived, and what we've done to others, and why we've done to ourselves, and what we've done in Life will we realize it's not 'them'... it's ourselves we are most upset with. If you learn only one thing in this life, learn this... each person is YOU. A reflection of what you've accepted and allowed as yourself. Whatever you think about another, whatever you feel about another, whatever you react to positive or negatively towards another is YOU.. and only when we start dealing with the ONE that is the actual 'problem' we are facing, will we finally become aware and understanding of who another is. Understanding must come instead of Reactions. Realizing that, through forgiveness, you cannot change others until you change yourself, And once you've walked the process of changing yourself, you realize the challenge others are facing... and there we will find compassion for each other. "Forgive them for they know not what they do..." Forgive yourself so that you can forgive others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to another for holding onto a grudge towards another instead of realizing my reaction is the same as holding onto a grudge; holding onto that moment as a reaction of irritation and not allowing myself to simply breathe through clear in the presence of another holding a grudge

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to hold a grudge towards another as a way to make myself feel justified and righteous in my stance towards them as being better or more than them - to prove them wrong and to prove me right as if that is the meaning to life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the devolution of humanity through holding onto grudges towards others and not allowing myself to let something or anything go - realizing that if I cannot let something go, then I am defining myself according to that thing and in that, diminishing myself within my existence as thinking and believing I NEED that something to be who I am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to let go of reactions as grudges towards others, as wanting to re-live the moment and re-telling the story to as many people as I can so that I can get a constant validation that I am right as the words of others... for them to hear my story and to tell me that I am right, and the other is wrong and so I am justified to have reaction in the first place

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to become aware of the words I speak and how limited I am in what I speak about as it's constantly about others and what others have done, and how they have wronged me - constantly placing myself as a victim to the wrongs of others and so constantly justifying why I am not taking responsibility for ME and who I am in this Life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to carry the past with me as my thoughts and words as I replay the same moment from the past where I reacted to another, and to constantly tell myself that they are wrong, 'they, they, they' are the fuckers... and I am 'right, right, right' and so exist within this limited reality of conflict and friction that only breeds chaos and destruction and leads me farther from the reality of life and living

I forgive myself that I have never allowed myself to see, realize and understand that only I am defined by my words and any words that inflict blame unto another or does not stand within the principle of 'do unto another as I would have done unto me,' or 'love thy neighbor as thyself,' then I am not living to my absolute potential and instead allowing myself to fester in my mind of separation, conflict, blame - always existing in the past and never being PRESENT with what is REAL and what is HERE

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to succumb to my mind as the back chat reactions towards other, and to allow myself to imagine what I would say to them, yet never have the balls to actually say it directly - not allowing myself to live out loud as self honesty whereas in the mind I can say whatever I want without any apparent consequences, yet not realizing that my thoughts, words and deeds have an impact on who I am and what I resonate within this world and what actions I take, and how it ripples through everyone and every thing around me. I am not isolated or alone... I am interconnected with all that is here and so I am absolutely responsible for every moment, every word, every thought, every judgment, every grudge, every moment of me that did not consider what is best for all

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to LET GO of what I think others have done wrong, to me or towards others, and instead get on with myself and my life in terms of taking responsibility for ME and to stop worrying and focusing and re-living who another is... I realize this does not change anyone and only defines who I am and so I commit myself to define myself according to principles that are best for all... lifting myself through self-forgiveness out of the pits of petty living where humanity has succumb to the squalor's of an irrelevant existence where only the mind as ego, and self interest can be served.

I commit myself to live a life of relevance, where I do not participate in gossip or holding grudges or blaming others for what they've done and instead re-create myself to be the best version of me that stands up for what is right, what is just, what is best for all and what supports me and others to LET GO of what has been done and Start Over as Allowing, once and for all, Life to be Lived.

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