12 November 2012

Day 91 - What Moves Me?

Recently I have been seeing just how much I allow energy - or lack of energy - move me in my life. Whether I get a quick burst of excitement that catapults me into anything and everything with a great positive high, or a dull stop where I just want to lay still and don't want to do anything - either way, the positive or negative energies are moving me within my life, and this is not cool. Because I am then allowing automatic responses to direct and influence me, and within this, saying that if something makes me 'feel good', then I am more motivated to interact with my reality - and if I don't get what I am expecting - something that makes me feel good, then I hit a brick wall and I find I don't even have the energy to lift an eye lid. Just goes to show how much the mind pulls the strings and I am not at all living stability here as breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live off of high and low energies of the mind to move me in my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to come to accept and not question the instability within living in the mind - where one minute it's like I'm on crack with all the positive energy of 'feeling good' about something and the next I come off the drug and crash into the ground and am stuck in feelings of negativity wherein what I was expecting within my mind did not come true

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become a slave to the high and low energies of the mind to direct and influence me in my life

I forgive myself that I have never allowed myself to question that which is unstable within me such at positive and negative thoughts, feelings and emotions



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I need to have positive high energies in order to be active in my life

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use negative energies as reasons to not move myself in my life

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that breathing is moving myself - within constant, stable self movement

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to become dependent on my mind to move me

I forgive myself that i Have accepted and allowed myself to be moved by positive energies wherein i feel I could do anything and not allow myself to live this for real in constant stability within and as breath

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be moved by negative energies wherein I don't want to do anything and want to just lay still, in bed

I forgive myself that i Have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that to allow myself to be moved by energy - I am not life - I am merely a slave to energy as my mind that tells me what to do, where to go, how to be and how to live

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I require energy to move me instead of realizing all it takes is breath and within that a decision to live what is best for all - and that is without the energy of polarity - it is something constant, stable, here, always the same

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to abuse my physical body in running on energy - raping the physical energy that my body produce to feed the illusions of the mind wherein I run rampant inside my mind, running every here, here and there, past present future, constantly thinking, imagining, back chatting - never slowing myself down to where I actually exist - here as the body as the breath

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be stopped by the negative energies I create within my mind and allow it to direct me to not live my life in pushing through and continuing that which is necessary to be done in a day

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be motivated by the positive energies I create within my mind and allow it to push me through my day, rushing through every moment and never being here as the present movement, honoring and enjoying each breath that I have in taking in all that is here with/as me

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that in the highs and lows of energies, life is not trustworthy, because it is dependent upon these energies to move - and so within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become untrustworthy in life and as life through my participation and dependencies on energy to move me, to make decisions, to act in this world - instead of breathing in each moment as constant stability expression that is life - always here, the same, yesterday, today and tomorrow

I forgive myself that i have not allowed myself to realize that to create stability within myself as who I am and stop the fluctuation and movement between highs and lows - I must change myself into living stability as who I am in my day to day living, through actions and decision that support me to do so

When and as I see myself being moved within positive and negative energies of the mind - I stop and I breathe and I bring myself back to the realization that I am a slave if I allow it and I no longer accept and allow this of myself, as I realize high and low energies is separation - it is untrustworthy - it is not stable and thus is not life - it is an illusion I create within my mind with thinking and all it's participation and so I stop, and I breathe and I make the decision in the moment to be here as life, as consistency as who I am, as stability as who I am, equal as who I am as life.

When and as I see myself existing within highs and lows of energy that move me in my life - I stop and I breathe and bring myself back to the awareness that to stop the inconsistency of polarity, I must live stability within who I am and thus I commit myself to create habits and actions within my day to day living that are stable - that are the same, that support me within consistency, such as the journey to life blogs, and writing self forgiveness, and breathing.

I commit myself to stop the polarities of highs and lows within myself

I commit myself to stop my addiction to high/positive energy to move me

I commit myself to stop the negative/low energies from stopping me from living

I commit myself to stand here equal and one as each breath

I commit myself to stop the separation within my mind in running back and forth from the positive and negative experience in my attempt to balance myself

I commit myself to move myself, as a decision within each breath, to prove to myself that I do not require the mind or energy to move me, but I am able to move myself here

I commit myself to daily writing, self forgiveness and self corrective application to stop the preprogrammed responses within me that I accept as my reactions to myself and my reality and others with either a positive or negative energy feeling or emotions - and I commit myself to rebirth myself as life - that which is constant, that which is here - that which is real and not dependent upon the mind to dictate

I commit myself to become a trustworthy human being that stands equal and stable here in each breath without the influence of the mind as the preprogrammed scripts that tells me how to act and how to behave and what to think and what to do - I commit myself to become the directive principle of myself

I commit myself to living stability

I commit myself to living consistency

I commit myself to stop the internal friction and conflict that I impose on myself through the mind in going from one polarity extreme to the next - I commit myself to make the decision in every moment to stop and breathe - to be here


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