12 August 2012

Day 60 - Loneliness

Aug 3rd, 2012
While sitting down to write here – I had this experience come up of ‘loneliness’ = where I thought about going online and checking my email and see what is going on within the group – and I can’t do that here, because there is no internet or even cell phone service, and within this – loneliness and missing it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am lonely here at the cabin because I cannot check my email and see what the group is doing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I miss the group because I cannot go online and see what is going on/participate in the daily activities – and within this I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within and as a participant of desteni – wherein not participating, I believe I have lost something or missing something – when in fact I am here and thus I am whole – I am complete – I am here and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within my mind wherein I leave behind my awareness of myself that is here – as the physical and go into the Mind as the belief that I am missing something

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself and part of my existence in separation of myself within and as the group and believe I need them or require to participate in checking emails and going onto the forums – instead of realizing, I am here, when I am breathing - I am here

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to miss participating within the group when I am unable to – and so I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to define parts of myself as ‘participating with a group’ and when then I do not – believe I am missing a part of myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as the character of 'a destonian' wherein within my mind I separate myself from myself in seeing myself separate from others through defining myself in separation as something else, something different, instead of realizing I am here, a breathing, walking, talking human being and thus equal and one with all other breathing, walking, talking human beings and thus not separate or different, but absolutely in all ways equal and one

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define who I am within the actions I take everyday as a way to act out a character in which I feed my ego as 'being something' when in fact I am only here

I forgive myself that i Have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being a part of a group as a way to define myself and my existence, revealing to myself that I do not accept myself here, as who I am, as I can see I have created myself dependent upon a group to define who I am

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe in loneliness

I forgive myself that i Have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that when I am alone - I am allone, as no matter where I am or with who I am, I am always alone, as I am alone within myself as who I have accepted and allowed myself to be within myself, within my mind and thus there is no reason to experience lonlieness, as I am always alone, yet I am here equal and one with all others who are also alone - alone responsible for themselves as I am alone responsible for myself

I commit myself to stopping the idea and experience of loneliness - as I realize I am always here, alone, as all are one as equal

I commit myself to stop defining myself in separation of myself through my actions or my participation and realize that I am always here, as I breathe, life whole and complete

I commit myself to stop the need to be a part of a group as a dependency in separation of myself and realize that all are me and thus me here alone is all as one as equal

I commit myself to stop separating myself into parts outside of myself wherein I place myself into and as others and thus when I am not around them or interacting with them - believe I am missing them, and thus commit myself to realize that I am always here and no loneliness exists in equality and oneness realized as self - as then self is all as one as equal