04 February 2012

2012 Trapping myself = Facing Myself

Here we go - writing myself out because even after a couple weeks of writing blogs every day - I am still having thoughts of resistances coming up. Especially here within my personal blog. Everyday I have thoughts of like dreading having to come and write here - and even thoughts of how I have trapped myself, lol. Because I made this commitment to myself to write a blog everyday for at least 21 days, and everyday when I am faced with this point - I resist it, and then think, fuck I have trapped myself because I have to do this - I know there is no valid excuse.

When in reality - it's not trapping myself - it's facing myself and holding myself ACCOUNTABLE. Holding myself accountable for the things I say and taking responsibility for what I accept and allow. As I DO NOT accept and allow myself to validate ANY reason/excuse/justification to fall at my walking this writing process - so when they come up... well I should say, I have been accepting and allowing myself to entertain the ideas of resistances to writing - as I will allow then this experience of resistance to exist within me as my physical body - and then go looking for what I can write about. The last few days I have taking care of some equal money blogs I was responsible for - which was cool - but it was also within the starting point of believing there was nothing else for me to write about.

So wow - this point I'm still time-looping. There is always something to write about - and as I prove to myself here - all you do is have to start. Just get the pen onto the paper - or the fingers on the keys - and release self from the cage placed over me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I have trapped myself within directing myself through the inconsistency of writing - realizing I did this to commit to myself and my application - to stand up within self trust and pushing through the ideas of myself/my writing I know are not real

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see writing a blog everyday as a hard task that I resist facing everyday - within realizing I am only 'dreading' facing myself within my writings and who I am and how I express myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to dread facing myself within writing in a blog

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to allow myself to time-loop within the point of resisting writing - instead of stopping, standing up , and directing myself through/as breathe in every moment to do that which is necessary to be done and in this case, writing - expressing myself without self judgments and fear

I forgive myself that i haven't yet allowed myself to unconditionally share myself within my writing as an expression of who I am as Life.

When I see myself participating within thoughts of resistance to writing - I stop and I breathe realizing the thoughts are not real and the fear to write is the fear to face myself - so I stop and breathe and direct myself through the point and face myself through writing

The idea that I have trapped myself is actually quite cool - as I can see that there is no where for me to run - there is only me to face. And with some self honesty - this is possible. I starting this blog not wanting to write and believing there was nothing for me to share - which is actually the fear of sharing myself - and here we are - a page has been written and again proving to myself my thoughts are never real. We can do anything if we allow ourselves to just breathe and do that which we say we will - removing any thoughts or ideas we have about it and just do/doing it.

How much more simple Life would be if we didn't complicate it with the Mind.

Breathing here. Grateful for Desteni and who are All Here Living the Principle of Being the Change and Walking as Practical Examples.