19 January 2012
2012 - DIP into Self
LOL - so today I resisted a bit to write here. Instead I have been keeping myself busy doing other things - and actually forgot that a blog was still due for the day. Until now.
Until now - the last thing I was doing was going over my lesson 4 within my Desteni I Process lesson. It specifically deals with/assists with writing, self forgiveness, words, definitions, pictures/memories, and self corrective statements/scripts. As I was looking over my assignment and what I have done to complete the lesson so far - I went to see about sending it in for review. I clicked on the link that was presented as our assignment we were turning it.. and bam - it was not what I had seen yet and not what I had been working with/on for my assignment.
For context - this lesson I have been resisting for about, oh, 3 months now. Barely doing the reading and had only just recently touched the assignment. I have, however, gotten 'fed up' with the crap and have been pushing myself to complete it. Yet - It was quite a surprise to see the lesson I thought I was turning in - was not actually was was expected/the assignment. The assignment is to actually make blog/posts consisting of writing - self forgiveness, and the self corrective statements.
I was like, what the fuck.
While I was reading the assignment that was Due, withing my mind I was having quite the reaction. "What the fuck?" "I have to do more work?" "I am not done with my assignment" I was quite annoyed by this - as I created such a resistance to myself in the first place to actually doing the assignment - now that I was done and ready to turn it in - then finding out that is not actually what was to be turned in, i was kind of pissed. It's like that resistance wanted to come back. I was also have the thoughts of "I don't want to write about an event/myself and do self forgiveness in my blog" "people might judge me" It was really fear about revealing a point within myself - facing myself - and fear of sharing/exposing myself.
I realize this is absolutely ludacris and unnecessary - as I don't have to fear anything. I can just be me - and do what is necessary to be done - and it's really that simple. Simple as a breath.
So then I looked at this point - hey, I got a blog still to do tonight - why not get started on this assignment. No excuses to give myself such as I don't have anything to write about - or for the assignment blog, I don't have any event to write about... HA - the mind is always trying to be clever in not facing itself.
So here we are - facing the point. Now with forgiveness:
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have the thought, "I don't want to do this assignment"
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to having to start over within my dip assignment in realizing it was different from what i had been working on
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have the thought what the fuck within reacting to having to start over on my assignment for dip
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have the thought I have to do more work within reacting to having to do more work I had defined as being hard and not wanting to push through my resistance of doing the work
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create a resistance within myself in relation to getting my dip assignments done within not wanting to face myself as I realize this process is about seeing who I am and how I have created myself and thus stopping and changing myself
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create through my thoughts an energetic experience of annoyance of having to continue with my dip work
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be annoyed with having to do more dip work
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define dip as tedious and hard work
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe dip is hard work
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear placing my writings of self honesty here in my blog because I know others will read and I fear what they will think of me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create a resistance within myself in placing my writing and self forgiveness here in my blog because I have accepted and allowed a fear of others to influence myself and what i share
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear exposing myself to myself through writing and self forgiveness
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not want to complete my dip work because I had already finished what i believed was the assignment and now I see I have more work to complete
I forgive ymself for accepting and allowing myself to resist doing more work instead of facing it/myself and just doing it - just getting it done
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project myself within my mind of others seeing my writing/self forgiveness within my blog and fear what they will think of me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place value on others opinions of me instead of valuing myself as me here
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear facing myself as all as one as equal
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I have to be afraid of myself and what I accept and allowing within and as my mind
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as what is within me as me as my mind - instead of standing equal and one with it and as it as who I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become realizing that this is self responsibility
Self Corrective Statements:
Realizations to be lived:
Realize that it is through my definition of dip being 'hard work' that i have created a resistance to doing the work.
Realize that dip is an education that is best for all - as it allows self to see self for real and to see where self can actually practical stop and change self to be here absolute.
Realize that dip and it's assignments are me facing me - and within this I am able to enjoy the process in revealing to myself who I am and how I have created myself and so it is the actual application of getting to know myself - Man Know thyself - wherein I then have the power to change myself as I am standing equal to and one with who I am here
Realize dip is an expression of myself equal and one
Realize the fear of others is a fear of self and in fearing how others will see/perceive me - is a projection of how I see/perceive myself.
Realize that fear only influences me if I allow it
Realize the value I have placed on others opinion of me - is only a reflection of the value I have placed on myself - equal and one
When I am doing my dip work/assignments - I stop and I breathe realize it is here to assist and support me to get real - back to reality and out of my mind as thoughts and opinions and judgement. I realize thoughts do not serve me and thus I stop and breathe and do not allow thoughts and resistances and annoyance to influence me within doing my dip work/assignments. I realize the dip assignments can and are an expression of myself and as I go through the layers of self as the mind - I dis cover who I am and who I am able to be without any influence and direction of/as the mind - and instead here as me and the breathe as life - equal and one.
When I find myself having resistance to dip work/assignments - I stop and I breathe and push through the resistance realizing it is a wall I have built to protect and Idea or self definition I have created within myself to keep my caged within the mind where I fear and judge and separate myself from myself. I realize dip work/assignments assist and support me to see me for real and reveal to me who I am - and it's cool to know myself because then I realize - I am responsible for myself - and I am able to change and direct myself back to life- which is here as the breath and not in the mind.
When I find myself within my mind as thoughts fearing how others percieve/see me - I STOP and breathe - realizing it is actually me. And so I see this as a projection of myself and take it back to myself and stop judging myself and appreciate myself for being here. I stop placing value within others and take back my own self valuing through valueing myself here. I stop giving away my power to others to influence me - I breathe and be here and direct myself within my moments through trusting myself and my expression.
I value Me.
I express me.
I love me.
I breathe me.
I am here within and as me - as self love - self trust - self appreciation within self expression.
check out more self support and dare to face self: desteni.org
www.desteniiprocess - to walk a process facing self
Here is an awesome video by bernard in supporting self to see ourselves as equal: