30 September 2011
My Trip to the Desteni Farm
It's been almost 2 years since I have started participating with Desteni. For anyone who doesn't know who/what Desteni is - it is a Group of Individuals Coming together within this World, within the Principle of Equality and Oneness. We, as a Group, Stand Up and Stand for and Stand as Life. We consider that what currently exists as the expression of Humanity on Earth.... is definitely not what it could be. There is much suffering, much pain. There is abuse and war and exploitation. There is rape and murder and no trust between humans. There is the illusion of Love and the charade of Life upheld with an imaginary toy. Money. So together, We Destonians, come together to look at ways to change the current Human Experience. As we realize we are the Creators. We, as a Group, as a Whole, have accepted and allowed what exists on Earth to be what is It. Therefore it's up to us to change it. And so we first look at who we are, within ourselves, and apply tools of practical change, to be a Human that Care's for All Life, as ourselves, Equally. We consider what is best for All. So like I said, I have been participating with Desteni for almost 2 years now. Applying the tools, and sharing myself along the way. It has not been an easy process - as it forces one to look at oneself in self honesty - to shed light on the darkness we have desired to keep secret. To face it and to stand up. I have nothing but gratitude for this Process. After just a few months of participating with Desteni, applying the tools within my own Life and participating on the forum - I went into extreme Reactions. I was in a constant state of fear and reactions - to myself, towards others, judging myself for everything I did. And within this then reacting to my own judgements. It was quite a tough road for I walked. Shortly after, I got an invitation to visit the farm. Anyone who participates within Desteni is aware of the Desteni farm. It is where Bernard and Sunette and many others Live within the Principle of Equality and Oneness. They are the ones that started sharing the tools of self forgiveness and self honesty, breathing and writing, and showing others how much we have disregarded this Physical world we are in, because of our participation within the Mental Realities we all have. Showing how because of our separation to our Physical bodies and Physical World, through defining ourselves as Minds, we have allowed this Physical World to destruct, in not caring about it. So when I got an invitation - I was set. I was going to the Desteni farm - and I couldn't wait. I went for 3 months a year ago in May. Initially - I felt inadequate for going there - as my participation and awareness of Desteni was so new. I had only just begun to understand the Principles and getting to know these people, who were standing up. But I wanted to go regardless. I had the idea that it would be just what I needed - and I would find peace within myself. Well.. I found a lot more then just that. I got there mid day. Everyone was there, and they all came to greet me. I got a quick tour around the main houses and was shown to my room. It was in a building that some visitors had built just a year or so before I got there. It was quite cozy. A bed. A dresser, a desk and a small bookcase. All I needed. Those first few days, I wrote constantly. As I was having a lot of thoughts coming up, and at the time, I was still having reactions to thoughts coming up. I was very unstable the time before I went to the farm. LIke I said, I was in constant reactions to the thoughts I was having. It was maddening to see just how much I was thinking. It was like waking up within a tornado. So, I did a lot of writing to support myself those first few days while I was there. What I found to be so supportive while I was there was working with the Horses. They have 10 horses, each one that has a Human that takes care of them. Meaning - one person that feeds them and waters them and cleans their stables. That walks them to and from the field each day. When I first got there, I worked with Fidelis and his horse - well, wow, I forgot his Afrikaans name, or I don't know how to spell it, but in English it stood for "Big Man". That he was indeed. He was very big, but there was a gentleness to him. He allowed me to comb his hair and check him for ticks. I enjoyed him as he seems secure. the strong and silent type. After a month I moved to a couple stables over and worked with Leila and Charlie. They were a lot of fun. I was grateful for having the horses there to work with, as they provided support within being in the Physical. It is very difficult to be lost in your Mind when standing to these Beasts. Charlie especially - he would let you know if you were 'not here'. So it assisted being with him. It also taught me about responsibility. Every day we had to get up with the sun to feed them and take them to the field for their day. We had to clean their stables. And every evening we would have to bring them back and feed them. Looking back now I can see how it helped for me to realize that those things would not get done on their own. And in a sense, those animals depended upon us to support them in their life. Also - it was a consistent point everyday that we required to address. Being in the stables assisted with my stability. I got sick a couple times when I was there - and had to spend that time in my room, missing out on taking care of the horses. Those times I found less stability, as I was left alone, to myself, and in these moments my mind tend to go haywire. I realize now that I create the stability within myself, and it's easy to do with breathing. Yet at the time, working with the Horses was the just the support I needed to really ground myself into the physical - working with others and animals. Remaining here, enjoying even the dirtiest of jobs, like cleaning up horse shit:) For the most part, I enjoyed my time at the farm. I got to work with Sunette, and my Resonance. I got to chat with Bernard and do Mind Constructs with Esteni. I got to hang out with everyone else that lived there, and this supported me in seeing how people can practically live together within the consideration of eachother and what is best for all. Overall - what this experience at the Desteni farm allowed me to realize, it just how much I existed within my Mind. How much I let my thoughts take control and my feelings and emotions direct me. How much I defined myself according to the thoughts I was having, so much so that I decided to leave a month early. I was facing so many points that came up within me in that environment. There was nothing I 'had' to do - and I was left with a lot of time to do whatever I wanted. And what I found was me sitting in my room, thinking. Having ideas about people and the world and my own life, having then anxieties. It showed me just how much I existed within fear. How much I was not directing my Life - but waiting for someone or something else to show me what to do. I left a month early because I was not ready to face myself. I wanted to give up this Process - to Give up what I had realized within Desteni, and my self, and go back to a life of ignorance, where I did not have to take responsibility for myself or this world. I wanted to forget everything about it. But this was impossible. Because just months after being Home - my attempts to go back to my own way of living - where I didn't care about anything except 'fitting in', it failed and I was placed back into the position I was in when I first found desteni. Questioning this existence, this so called Life. And wanting Solutions. So even I allowed myself to 'run away' from myself on the farm - the experience overall allowed me to realize for myself, who I am and what I am willing to do in this Life. What I'm willing to Stand for, and what I'm not willing to Stand for. How to direct myself, decide for myself what my Life will be - and showed me just how simple it really can be. One breath at a time. My Desteni Farm visit was something I am so grateful for. As it assisted me to realize what I want to be apart of. And how I can create real change within this World. What is possible within myself and how we can Create this Change together.