02 June 2017

545: The New Girl, The Nuisance

I recently started a new job so I'm in a new environment with new people, learning new tasks and responsibilities. And immediately what I saw within the first few days of starting was this growing fear of being a nuisance and in the way of others - being a bother to them, because I don't know the system of the job, as I'm still learning it, and so I in a way see myself as 'fucking up the flow' of the office.... And I realize here it's not actually about how others see/experience me. It's absolutely about how I see/experience myself and I have for a long time seen myself as a bother, or being in the way, or a nuisance to others.

Well no more. I am grateful to see this experience first hand in this new environment as I can better look, dissect, and dismantle the hold of fear has.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear getting in people's way at work

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being a bother to others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel as if I'm walking in another person's world, and it's my duty to 'stay out of their way' as to not create myself as being a nuisance

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I'm a bother to others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to care so much about how others feel or experience themselves in relation to me, I will do anything to stay out of their way so as to avoid being seen as a bother, or in the way

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a state of caution and tension within myself when around those I think I might bother, or get in their way, and do my best to move from their environment as quickly as possible

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define not knowing something or just starting to learn something new is a recipe for getting in someone's way, as in having to ask questions, and asking for clarifications - feeling as this is annoying to others instead of realizing it's a process to learn, and how other's respond should not be of any concern to me, but rather who I am in this new learning process

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a bother

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as being in other's way

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as holding others back

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a nuisance

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to care more about how others see me, then how I experience myself in relation to others as my point of power and control

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to, rather then wasting my time and energy on avoiding others getting upset with me for simply learning something new, focus more on who I am in this learning process, and who I am with the new people in my environment - as the point in which I am responsible for - ME

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold myself back within fear of what others might think of me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get in my own way of self-development as acting out fear of others thinking I get in their way, and so hesitate to fully embrace asking questions, and clarifying things that will as such support me to become more efficient in our mutual working environment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see others as the boss, and I am to be weaker, and smaller, and keep my distance as the apparent place I belong

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to utilize the potential within/as me without fear getting in my way from asking questions, learning, growing, developing, and ensuring I know what I'm doing so as to create the most effective environment for all involved

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize my priority is to learn the tasks given to me, and the responsibility given to me, and instead place more attention and value on how others may respond to me in this new learning process

When and as I see myself fearing getting in the way of others, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that my fear is probably more irrational than I want to believe, and that others do not in fact see me as a in their way, and are probably more understanding and embracing of me in the new environment than I THINK they are and so I commit myself to see myself as how I see others in being in a new environment - with understanding and patience within realizing there is a process of learning involved and so I commit myself to gift this to myself - the understanding and patience to learn and not immediately define myself as being in the way



Featured Artwork by: Desteni Artists

The Journey to Lifers

Take Responsibility for what is HERE as this world, within AND without:

Desteni

DIP Lite Course (FREE)


DIP Pro


Eqafe (Self Perfecting interviews, books, music, etc)


For your Info:


Destonian Wiki