01 December 2015

430: At what cost Do you Feel Better about Yourself?

Listening to the latest reptilian recording on Eqafe, "Where are you?" the question was asked, 'where am I?' The response I had was in the context of myself, like inside myself, my body, my mind. In the interview, it was mentioned that if the response was in the context of where you are physically, like your environment, it's a pretty cool reference for yourself in terms of your awareness being focused in the physical reality.

That was not my response, so there was a slight reaction to that. Though briefly before that, there was hope and anticipation that they would mention something about how I responded and that it would be "better than the first response."

So this is a point I've noticed some up a few times in the past week.

I've started two new jobs, and I noticed there were comparisons I was making between myself and those training me - both seeing myself as better at the job than my trainers, as well as management noticing this too - me wanting to be seen as 'better than others' and me thinking that about myself.

This generates a positive feeling/experience within me, which indicates the negative also exists. This is definitely a point I can relate to, and am more familiar with - Comparing myself towards others, and they, in some way, shape, or form, are always better than me.

That seems to be more predominant for me as an experience, yet that positive/better than others experience has also been present.

What I can see, and have realized is that that positive feeling is always an attempt to correct one's actual experience. For instance... my actual experience is that of inferiority/less than/not good enough/something wrong with me - especially in relation to others. So when I do go into the positive experience of feeling good about being better than others, it's like my way of rectifying an uncomfortable experience. I feel diminished so I want others to be diminished as well. I feel shitty in relation to others and I want to turn the tables if you will. Like looking for some relief.

So what I can see is that in an attempt to change my experience, I only diminish others in my own mind. it's like I feel better, yet at the cost of others.

This is something I also see plays out in the greater as in between many people. It's like we've come to accept the idea that empowering ourselves, especially in the context of interpersonal relationships, we've got to cut others down to do so.

Another example is when we feel wronged, or attacked, or someone deliberately caused frcition in ourselves, we've got to perceive them as trash, or bad people, in an attempt to find some sort of solace in the experience. Like if we look down on them, and what they've done, and who they are, then we come out on top, feeling better, with a positive feeling.

How many times do we say, "Karma will bit them in the ass," and have a good feeling about something bad happening to another - like 'they will get what they deserve.' Or we judge people for their words, or deeds, and say they are not worthy of our time, simultaneously putting ourselves on a pedestal of self righteousness.

The thing about this is it's all an act of separation - which basically divides people, pits people against each other, causes us to lose our compassion and thus we end up in a world where each fight internally and externally with one another. Then of course, harmony cannot exist.

So quite the realization to see how my participation in such a pattern can sustain a world of discord, as of course each individual, and who they are, makes up the whole of humanity. And so gain - each responsible for what they accept and allow within themselves, and so this world we share and create collectively.

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