420: Change is a Process

To wrap up the previous points within my self forgiveness and self corrective statements and commitments to change this point, I’ve realized or was reminded of the following.

Like with anything that is new, or unfamiliar, or that you don’t have experience with, there can be fear. It’s like the fear of the unknown, or actually the matter of having to change, or learn something new, or try something different, different from how you’ve always been, or lived, or done things. So with this point of the fear of standing at a computer station at work that was suggested to have higher traffic, it was a fear of making a mistake, because I am new to the job, and the responsibilities, and while I was learning everything about how to do the job, I had a fear of having more contact with the guests and actually more experience with potential situations that may come up during the job. So while in essence, or from one perspective, it’s clear to see that that would be the place one would want to stand, where you are going to get more direct experience with the job you are learning. Though what I found for myself is I wanted to hide from it, I wanted to not actually have to face those points or experience, or potential situations based on an idea that a) I couldn’t handle it, and b) fear of making a mistake, and c) fear of conflict with others.

So through the self-forgiveness process, I’ve realized that is actually a cool opportunity for me to firstly face my fear of standing in the higher traffic computer stations, as well as to get more direct experience of the job that is required of me, and this can only support in me becoming better and more efficient within the job. So interesting that I would run from such an opportunity and not instead embrace it as the support to better fulfill my potential in the job.

So since writing these points out, I have committed myself to standing at those computer stations that I feared, and I have done so. And what I am finding, and this is where the reminder came in, because like any fear or resistance I’ve walked through, you do end up walking through it and it’s no longer a fear or resistance. You get to the ‘other side’ and realize you are okay, and the fear or resistance was really just made bigger/more/scarier in your mind, and that there can even be enjoyment in that process. So same goes for this scenario, I walked through my fear, stood at the computer stations I didn’t want to, and put myself ‘out there’ in a way to face any and all possible scenarios, and I also found that it did support in my getting to know the job better, and ways to approach it, handle it, and how to deal with certain situations.

So grateful for this point, as with any resistance I’ve walked through, in showing me that I am capable. Really though, it comes down to self – self making that decision to move through, and not accept and allow any fear or resistance to limit one’s expression, skills, or move-ability within their environment.

Though I no longer have a fear of standing at certain computer stations, there are still aspects of this point that are playing out, or existent within me – such as not making eye contact with guests specifically so that they don’t come to me, lol. Or wanting to answer the phone so that I am busy in case a guest comes to the front desk needing something. Lol – it’s funny because we will come up with all sorts of things to remain within our fear, that we believe is where we are most comfortable.

So still points to work with in relation to my previous blogs, which I will continue to walk and direct within myself. Though that is the process. Once you remove one layer/dimension/aspect, there you will find the rest. It’s cool though because in that, you are removing the layers, one by one, like a onion, to get to the core, to the beginning, to the source of who I’ve created myself to be. And that is the purpose of the Journey to life. One blog at a time, one point at a time, one day at a time, one breath at a time, until it’s done.

Thanks for being here with me on my Journey.

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