So what does 'self-corrective application' mean? It means, that after one has done their self-investigative writing about a particular reaction or behavior or pattern that one continually lives out, and applies the self forgiveness as taking back the self-responsibility one has to this particular living acceptance of self, then one takes it into the corrective application. Meaning - one takes it into real time/real living application.
Let's look at an example - in a recent blog titled, "When Desire is Driving," I wrote about this desire energy that I have noticed comes up in certain experiences in my life, wherein once I have decided upon something, whatever it may be, I will go into this energy of desire as the driving force propelling me forward to get to this particular point or thing that is what I am after - yet within this, it's not 'me' from the perspective that it's not me, in self honesty or self awareness making that decision to get what it is that I want, which for this example I am using, I was desiring to know more than what one was willing or able to share in a moment, and I was relentless in pushing them to tell me, regardless of how they felt or what they were experiencing - the only thing I was concerned with or that mattered to me was getting the information, to satisfy this apparent 'need to know'. So this was like a possession wherein I could not or did not stop myself, breathe and SEE what the hell it was I was doing, instead I went fully into this desire energy as moving me to act out this particular pattern of getting what I want, regardless of how others may be effected. Obviously this is quite selfish and limited in that I was only thinking about myself and did not care how perhaps uncomfortable I was making another person, so clearly also there is no principle of 'do unto another what you would have done unto you'.
So through writing the self forgiveness in relation to this particular pattern that I see 'comes over me' in specific moment, I also wrote out commitment statements, like little scripts for me to follow when/as this desire energy comes again, as it will come again because that is the process - we have spent years living out the same habitual thinking and living patterns that have 'become us' and so it will take time to walk through those types of 'ways of being', to prove to ourselves that we have in fact stopped, took responsibility/stood equal to who we have become, and in fact changed the pattern as who we are, which would be transcendence.
Now from the self-commitment statements of what I will commit to in terms of how I will practically LIVE the changes, comes the corrective application. It is then, from that moment forward, when/as I see that desire come up within me, to actually, physically in that moment to STOP myself from simply going into it, from trusting it and to instead take a breath. To breathe and slow myself down as a way of taking back control of me in that moment. From there the corrective application is possible, because I am in that moment of taking a breath and stopping myself from going into the same pattern, changing the pattern in NOT allowing it to continue - because I Have seen through writing and self forgiveness the destruction of it, the lack of care of it, the lack of me as life as awareness HERE of it, and I decide to no longer participate/exist as it. So that is the moment of corrective application - to actually LIVE the change in that moment in no longer allowing the same habitual pattern and behavior to continue. It is truly the act of self responsibility and self-directive principle because in that moment of the desire energy rising up wanting to 'take over' and take me into another outcome that I've seen it's consequence and that I can no longer accept and allow, I can stop and decide 'till here no longer' and decide to direct who I am in that moment as to CHANGE the nature of me as no longer accepting and allowing that pattern to exist as me.
So that is the corrective application, and the REAL moment of truth in terms of whether we are transcending in our process of change - that is where we test whether our change is real, if we are actually, physically, practically changing in that moment when the opportunity to start new or recreate the same shit comes up.
It's almost like the writing and self forgiveness and self commitment statements are the foundation from which we can walk, yet the real truth of 'our standing' within ourselves as self honesty and self directive principle comes in that moment when we are faced with the person we've always been and if we take that moment to NO LONGER accept and allow the same thing to happen over and over again as who we are, but to instead correct our living as an actual creation process - we create who we are in a moment as deciding to correct ourselves as no longer allowing energy or emotions or feelings guide us, because it's not really who we are. Then it's actually ME making the choice as who I am, in self awareness and what I do and how I express, instead of this being that "I've always been" yet I have no recollection of how I created myself to be it/become it.
So, in terms of my own experience in relation to self-corrective application - I have seen when I am able to stop in a moment and no longer accept and allow certain thought patterns or beliefs or emotions or feelings to direct me, yet other times it's not as 'easy'. One of the points that I see I still accept and allow to hinder this corrective application is an actual 'want' to hold onto the reaction. It's like one will have an argument with someone, or go into a defense against someone, or have blame towards someone or is judging someone and within this, think and believe one is so utterly right and accurate to have such an experience, that any awareness of self-responsibility goes out the window.. or more like doesn't even exists, and within this, self-correction becomes impossible because the thing we must let go of as the emotional experience/reaction is the one thing we 'want' to exist as/within and hold onto because somehow we justify our position/our stance of being either righteous, powerful or better or more than another - that somehow we are greater than them or even exalted in comparison. Or I mean it can be the opposite as well, where we can victimize and pity ourselves into a point of hopelessness wherein then we can again justify why others are the problem, and we are powerless and thus unable to change. When it's simply another act of separation wherein we separate ourselves as life, from another and instead stay secluded in our own self interest as ego as our mind that defines everything that we do as divine and justified and everything someone else does as simply wrong, wrong, wrong, bad, bad, bad. But this is again only blame and what do we know about blame? We are pointing a finger, yet we see another instead of what they really are which is a mirror - and so who are we really pointing the finger at? Ah yes, ourselves. So it's ourselves we must sort out, take responsibility for, become humble and STOP existing in the same shit that has created, on every level, the way in which our reality currently exists - which is quite simply put, unacceptable.
In the next blog I will go into more this experience of wanting to hold onto a particular reaction/experience as not wanting to change it/ourselves and specific self forgiveness as I see and realize that this pattern is one thing that I use to justify why I do not have to change and so as I do not change, nothing else changes and so we have what we've always had and we wonder why nothing gets better.
Thanks for reading.
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