30 January 2013

111 - For Self Give

A point of living/being/doing for outside sources always leads to dissatisfaction and is abdication of self responsibility... all sorts of unnecessary self created experiences - best to bring it back to self and GIVE to self that which we expect to find in others, outside and separate from ourselves here

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to live for me but to instead look for external stimulation, outside sources and separate motivation to push me to move, to live, to change - instead of living for me, realizing that when I am in the starting point of "doing/living" for others, for outside reasons and sources, within anticipation and expectation, I am never satisfied, I am never fulfilled because within that I am living the statement that I 'need' something outside of me to live, I 'need' something to motivate and push me to change, I 'need' something separate from myself that apparently has power over me to direct me within myself and within my life, and thus not allowing myself to see the dishonesty within this and realize I am able to exist/live within the starting point of self honesty of I am the directive principle, I can live/be/do for me and do not require or need 'outside sources' for me to live/be

I forgive myself that I Have not allowed myself to walk my process for me - withing applying the tools of self honesty, self forgiveness, breathing, writing, self corrective and self commitment statements, as a way to support myself, to get to know myself, to dis-cover myself, to allow myself to actually live and to instead do it within the starting point of guilt and fear wherein I believe "if I don't" then I am a "bad person" and thus only perpetuating the cycles of separation wherein I am looking outside of myself for myself, or looking outside of myself as cause to change myself, instead of simply honoring myself enough to do it for me

I forgive myself that I Have not allowed myself to write for me - consistently to support myself within stabilizing myself, in forming new habits and patterns that actually support me within myself and my living

I forgive myself that I Have not allowed myself to blog for me, but to instead do it within the starting point of "I have to" and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I "have to" do anything and instead realize that I do it FOR me, AS me, within the realization that it is a form of support, of responsibility, of accountability, of the accumulation process of 1+1=2 wherein as I walk each day, I face myself each day and I share myself each day, becoming more stable, and specific and with more clarity in seeing into me as self intimacy

I forgive myself that I Have not allowed myself to forgive myself for me, and instead exist within the belief that I "have to" forgive myself, within defining it as a 'job' that I have no choice about, instead of realizing the gift of self forGIVEness, where I am giving to myself back to myself in stopping the separation within me, in the searching and seeking of myself, of the self definitions that limit me within myself and my living... realizing that self forGIVEness is the only real form of unconditionally giving in this world, as it is without expectation as it is simply an expressing of taking care of oneself and thus I commit myself to take care of myself, to forgive myself, to correct myself as I see within me always as who I accept myself to be as each thought, word and deed and thus I commit myself to walk my Journey to Life for me and only for me, as I see/realize/understand to do it for anyone other then me is not real. I align myself to the realization that only self is here, only I am here, only I experience myself, only I can see the truth of myself and so I face myself, I trust myself, I love myself and I live myself as who I really am, no longer accepting and allowing self limitation, self diminished, seeking for myself 'out there' and separate from me here, I live the realization that I am here, as I breathe, I am me, and I am here

I forgive myself that I Have not allowed myself to find out who I really am – for me, to once and for all face the fear of seeing the reality of who I am within and without, hiding out in forms of entertainment and distractions within energy as emotions and feelings wherein I allowed myself to become consumed and consume myself with anything and everything just so that I don't have to see the real me. I stop and I breathe and I get to know who I am, within and without, realizing this is the only way to change for real, and the only way to realize who we are within/as this world, "as above so below, as within so without" and so as I allow myself to get to know myself, I get to know others, I get to know this world and how it functions and how it exists, as it is me in what I have accepted and allowed

I forgive myself that I Have not allowed myself to trust myself – for me

I forgive myself that I Have not allowed myself to love me

I forgive myself that I Have not allowed myself to accept me

I forgive myself that I Have not allowed myself to enjoy me

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to walk my process in an image and likeness as a presentation of myself – to present to others – to be more then others, in fear of revealing the mask as the characters I play and the pictures I portray within realizing that I am hiding something within believing I have to be something else for what? Acceptance, security, love? Why have I not given/live this for myself? I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress and hide who I really am behind and within the mask of the personality and the presentation of the characters I play within each environment I find myself in, realizing this is why I cannot trust myself because I am never the same, I am always changing according to who I am with, where I am and how I experience myself and so I commit myself to investigate the relationships I have created within and towards all things that is here within/as this world - to see how I define myself and others and life and to allow only that which is best for all within the consideration/realization of equality and oneness to be expressed as who I am

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that to live for others is not living at all, as 'living for others' is withing fear of others in giving others power and influence over me and how I live, what I do and don't do, what I express and what I don't express, how I act and how I behave, ah yes... both in fear and abdication, through giving "others" the power over me I accept limitation and also excuse me from not having to change, of not having to take the reigns, of not standing up for/as life as what is best for all - this ends here

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to present an image of myself as a destonian, but not push myself to always apply the tools in which destonians live within and as - realizing this is what has created the separation and polarity and distrust in this world, as we do not live the words we speak, we just speak the words.. and thus the living word becomes evil and dangerous. Thus I commit myself to LIVE the words I speak, in no longer presenting an empty picture, but to in fact apply the tools, to give it a try, a real self honest try, to direct myself, to face myself, to forgive myself and to LIVE myself, as the words I speak, equal and one - to become in fact the living word, to become real, to become substance

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to continue listening to the voice in my head to direct me within thinking and believing I have nothing to change - within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed and influenced by the thoughts in my mind and the emotions and feelings I CREATE and accept as "my experience" to be more then me in submitting to them in saying, "I have no control over 'how I feel'", instead of realizing the self abuse, self limitation this is - I stop and I breathe and slow myself in each moment to truly SEE what I have giving my power to and when I am able, I stop and take back the power of myself to be who I am as life, as breathe in each moment HERE

I forgive myself that i Have not allowed myself to unconditionally applied myself within the process as a group with and as desteni through fear of losing my image of how I define myself as acceptable according to others

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to judge the desteni life as monotonousness - instead of realizing the stability I have created within myself and the judgment as the back chat of "my life is boring" is a form of survival me as my mind is attempting to hold onto to, to seek energy through thoughts, and images and fantasies and emotions and feelings and internal conversations - whatever I can conjure up to distract me from the REAL WORLD that is here, wasting away as we are all too busy in our pursuit of happiness. I remain focused on the physical reality, on breathing, on what it is I am responsible and have committed myself to in this ONE LIFE I have, and to continue to support myself within living stability as stability is consistency and consistency is trustworthy and so I stop judging the life I am living and instead support myself to realize the amazing opportunity I have in walking this process of birthing self as life from/as the physical

I commit myself to LIVE for ME

I commit myself to forGIVE for ME

I commit myself to express for ME

I commit myself to bring myself back to myself and stop the search of outside sources for comfort and security, I commit to living the realizations that all that I am is HERE

I commit myself to stop the search for energy as an addict needing another fix

I commit myself to stop giving the power of directive principle away, separate and outside of me here

I commit myself to stop trusting the mind reality of thoughts and trust that which is stable and HERE - the physical

I commit myself to live stability as breathing

I commit myself to stop 'faking' myself in the face of others and take responsibility within removing the mask

I commit myself to self investigations as daily writing, self forgiveness, and self corrective statements

I commit myself to be self honest with myself

I commit myself to the development of self trust

I commit myself to live the words I speak

I commit myself to the Journey to Life

I commit myself to correct within me that which is reflected outside of me/within this world

I commit myself to the process of re-birth

I commit myself to live what is best for me, as what is best for all

I commit myself to principled living - guiding myself within the principles that are best for all

Featured Artwork By: Damian Ledesma

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