20 August 2012

Day 63 - My Inner War with Canada

(From Aug 8th, 2012)

Today, my brother, his girlfriend and I went into Canada. While we were there, I saw myself comparing a lot of it to America – and had this “my country is better’ character as me. Where I was like, “fuck Canada, this is lame, let’s go home” – so Identifying myself as an “American” and within that comparing America to Canada as being better, and so seeing myself as better being an American. This sense of feeling more comfortable within the US – obviously it’s what I am familiar with. Yet – seeing the illusory lines that separate countries and people from people – I was participating in this ‘role’ as playing the character of “American”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as an American, where I believe “my country” is better then others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge Canada based on the city I saw, and within that defining America as ‘better’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself separate from others who were in Canada because of the country I was born in

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define Canada as boring and within this desire to be back in the US

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to go to Canada strictly to be able to say I’ve been to Canada and thus add on the title of being a ‘world traveler’ wherein I superiorize myself from others as having traveled a lot

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define Canada as boring

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see Canada as a separate place that is less then America – playing and perpetuating the whole belief construct that there are different places in this world that is separated by borders and lines, instead of realizing this is an illusion that can only exists if I participate within and as it and thus I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to realize that this is one world - on one earth and we are one people thus Equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as special because I am from America

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge Canada as being less then America and within this feel grateful to have been born in America instead of Canada

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect stimulation in Canada as a way to be entertained, and when I was not – judge Canada as being ‘less then’ America and wish to leave, instead of enjoying myself as myself here within and as the p hysical as breathing – where ever I am and with whomever I am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe borders of countries are real instead of realizing this only perpetuates the current separation we have allowed within ourselves as humanity where we see ourselves separation from each other - other human beings walking on the same earth and breathing the same air because of the belief that being born in another country makes us different

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to suppress the point I experienced today of driving and getting an ‘adrenaline rush’ where the memory came up and instead I wanted to put the computer down and watch something instead of writing this self forgiveness for it

I forgive myself that i Have accepted and allowed myself to see/perceive/define myself as better/superior to others because of the country I was born into - instead of realizing the fear of survival and being born into a country without the resource is what drives this apparent gratitude to be 'an america' thus perpetuating the current self interest that humanity allows as the abuse of the whole

I commit myself to expose how borders are not real - that all humans - ALL LIFE - is of/as the same earth, the same physical, and thus equal as one

I commit myself to stop the separations within myself that has manifested the separations between countries and people

I commit myself to exposing how the have separation as borders fuels conflict and war and thus unacceptable as it does not consider what is best for all

I commit myself to stop all superiority/inferiority within myself through the process of writing myself out, self forgiveness and self honesty withiin the Journey to Life process where I commit myself to stopping all patterns and behaviours I have accepted as my throughout my life as the personality and character of 'who I am' as I have believed it and thus commit myself to walking back to nothingness, as I was born into this world from the darkness and from this starting point commit myself to recreate myself in/as life as what is best for all within and always as the starting point of what is best for all