17 January 2012

2012: Directing myself through inconsistency.

So looking back at this last year - and 'who I am' within what I have done in relation to participating within sharing myself and common sense perspectives for this world - I see inconsistency.

So from here - I want to address the point of deception as the act of not living the words we speak - not being the living word - but instead saying one thing and doing another. Which I have realized leads to the absence of self trust - as self will tell self one thing - but then does not live this or apply this.

For instance - I have made a commitment to myself in the past to do 21 days of self writing - blogging. I have also made this commitment within vlogging and failed to push through the mental walls I was holding up in front of myself - and always ended up NOT doing what I said I would do. Obviously this would lead to conflict within oneself - as I cannot trust myself. Because I tell myself one thing and then don't do it. This is an act of self abuse and the unwillingness to direct self to become the living words - to actually live and be and do that which I say I will do.

So let's start over. Because the more I try to hide from myself, from the perspective of 'giving in' to the thoughts I have that tell me I can 'do it another time', the more I accumulate conflict within myself and the idea that I cannot trust myself - because I give myself excuse, despite what i know is best for me as all.

And so here I commit to AT LEAST 21 days of self writing - pushing myself through and past the fear of others opinions, the idea that I Have nothing to share - thoughts of self judgments. I stop all of this and just write. Just be here. Sharing and expressing in each moment - to support myself to again start living self trust.

There is not real beauty in this world - there is only the gift of Life - which is breath and in each moment being/breathing/living within starting over new again and again. never recreating cycles - but clearing the starting point through self forgiveness and self honesty - to once and for all create a world of equality - where all are considered equally here.