26 August 2012

Day 64 - Facing the Reality

Facing my reality and what is happening - and not wanting to face it. Wanting to hide away in my bed and sleep it away... as if it will go away or I will wake up to it being all a dream. As if physical reality is a dream - it is not. It is absolutely fucking real, and what happens in our reality - is ourselves. So instead of attempting to run away and hide - rather stand up and face the music. Face what is here and get to know myself within this. Who am I willing to be in the face of my reality? One that stands up and takes responsibility? Or one that cowards away in attempting to escape, trying to live the dream of make believe where everything is the way I want it to be. Time to get real.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself, to in the moment of facing my reality and seeing an outflow I did not want to happen - attempt to hide and run away within myself in not wanting to face it, not wanting it to be real, but wanting to pretend it will go away.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be responsible for myself and my reality - to face and see what it is that has been created, whether I like it or not, realizing that to turn away from it because "I don't like it" is me attempting to fit into the "pursuit of happineness" where I will deliberately turn a blind eye in my attempt to be ignorant, so that I don't see what has happened, and what is happening, so then I can act as if I am not responible, as if I am not here, as if it is not my life



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe when faced with the reality of who I am - to want to run away and not face it/face myself



I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I am here - I am the creator of myself and my world and thus in all ways, always responsible for what is here - for what I face



I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want to ignore my reality and myself in wanting to lay in bed and sleep - to shut myself away from the reality in which I created for myself, as myself - in not taking responsibility for myself as creator



I forgive ymself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not yet realize that I am here, and thus this reality that is me is here showing me who I am and what I am creating and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to ignore the responsibility that I am for the creation that is me



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to beleive I can run away from my creation - from myself, from my reality, instead of standing up and facing it, as it is the only way I will stop myself from recreating that which is not best for all - that which is something I want to hide from and run away from



I forgive myself that i Have accepted and allowed myself to create myself in such a way where I create a relaity that I do not want to face, as it does not make me feel good



I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can pretend to feel good in the face of a reality that suffers



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust feelings and emotions - instead of relaizing they have no substance in real physical reality, as there are principles that must be realized to become real, where I am no longer attempting to run away from myself in seeking to 'feel better' - but am able to face myself in every moment, in taking self responsibility, and no longer need to feel good to validate my life



I forgive myself that I havent yet allowed myself to trust myself as my breath, realizing it is the only thing that is constant, that is in fact life, and thus not directed by feelings and emotions



I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to beleive that by ignoring my reality - it will go away



I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe something will change without me changing myself



I forgive myself that i havent yet allowed myself to realize that change can only happen when I become the change



I forgive myself that i havent yet allowed myself to be the change I want to see in this world - physically, practically and still allow myself to hide away and suppress what is here as the reality of myself - my world



I forgive myself that i Havent yet allowed myself to realize that this reality is refelcting to me in all ways, in all people, who I am as life and thus showing me that I do not want to see myself - I want to hide from myself, I want to pretend I don't see - yet the truth is here as REALity



I commit myself to facing myself - facing my reality - in seeing who I am and what I have/am creating to ensure that I am always creating a life worth living, and not one that I want to hide from



I Commit myself to see my reality as the support I require in order to see myself, to get to know myself as the creator - to see what I create and where I am still attempting to deny my responsibility



I commit myself to writing myself out, to investigating myself, to getting to know myself - to see who I am here and to ensure that I change myself practically in this world realizing the change is me - as me, and thus I must be the change



I commit myself to walking an agreement with myself, in getting to know myself as who I have become, in realizing this world reflect who I am as the whole and thus I see the separation and the conflict and the suffering and I commit myself to realize that it is me and thus I commit myself to be responsible for myself as what I see and commit myself to changing me through the only way possible, physical practical, self honest change within and without with the tools of writing, self forgiveness and self corrective application - applying myself in every moment to 'be here' as the breath - equal and one within/as this physical reality, so that I ensure I am always the director of myself and no longer allow emotions and feelings as self interest keep me trapped in the seeking of my happiness and my feel good desires - but actually get real, here in this reality - facing what is here as this reality and actually fucking changing it - as me.



I commit myself to create a world where I no longer want to ignore, but can face as who I am in every moment - I commit myself to create a world I am not longer ashamed of - I commit myself to walking the process of establishing an equal money system - as it's whats best for all



Featured Art by Matti Freeman

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