667: The Last 10 Years

Thanks to those that reached out after reading my previous blog - I appreciate your support very much. It was touching to hear from so many of you about what we've been going through.

I did want to share that while the previous blog was perhaps on the heavier side, really laying down the experience we walked in losing the pregnancy, I would like to say that I did mourn and grieve and my ability to share is a reference for me that I am at a place of acceptance and understanding with it. I don't blame anything or anyone and I don't feel strong regret or shame... I've accepted it's happened and allowed myself to embrace it as now part of my journey that I can learn and grow from and share with others to hopefully support them to realize that yes, we must grieve, but we can also turn such tragedies into gifts. 

My ability to grieve and mourn in the way that I did, and in the pace I did, I say gives credit to this process I've been walking for a decade now. This time 10 years ago I was addicted to cigarettes, marijuana, alcohol, relationships, and love, I didn't know who I was, I was afraid of so many things, other people, I had conflictual relationships with my family and I was floating through life unsure of where to go or what to do, looking for something or someone to follow, wanting answers to my questions but without the world being able to offer me anything of real substance. I had no motivation, no self-trust, no direction. Only doubts, insecurities, and fears. 

Then I found the principles and tools of Desteni: self-forgiveness, self-honesty, self-responsibility, writing, self-corrective statements, and application - the realization that we've been living as limitations and in separation and conflict to and towards and as Life and that we've never known who we really are and that while we are waiting for a savior, ourselves, our Flesh, our beings, our thoughts, words, and deeds have been here all along with all the power in the universe to change. 

Flash forward 10 years later I am free from my addiction to alcohol, marijuana, and cigarettes. I am in a committed relationship going on 7 years. I have direction and purpose within work, and I have direction and purpose within my day to day living. I realize there ARE solutions to any problem, big or small, and that I am not a victim to anything. I choose to empower myself within my capabilities to forgive myself and take responsibility for myself and to move myself towards living and expressing my utmost potential. I've stopped giving myself excuses and push to always find a way because my will to live is strong. 

And in this journey and this process... I have learned how to grieve. To face the emotions of sadness and anger and regret and shame and uncertainty and wanting to know why and feeling cheated and left out and feeling undeserving and unworthy... I've learned how to handle these experiences that come with having a miscarriage and while yes I feel them and I experience them... they do not consume me. I embrace them as part of the experience of having a miscarriage but I also see and utilize them as gifts to empower myself. To realize there is nothing wrong with me and to give myself that credit that I did nothing wrong and I don't deserve to be blamed for having a miscarriage. I deserve understanding and patience to process the loss and gentleness to slowly stand on my two feet again. 

This journey over the past 10 years has supported me tremendously through this challenging time. Yes I mourned and I grieved, but I also feel like myself again. I let myself cry and breakdown, to sink into the depressing and the unknowing of what now... to face that void that replaced the image of a future with a family... I acknowledged it and accepted it as now the reality of my situation. And I am willing to work with that is Here. 

What is here is I had a miscarriage. It happened to me and it happens to a lot of women and when I hear it has happened to other women, I feel better... I don't feel so alone, so isolated, so left out. I feel reassured and relieved and grateful to know I am not the only one. 

And that's why I share my life and my journey in these blogs... that is why I decided to share this to say you are not alone, woman. 

I have come a long way in the past 10 years and I am grateful for every moment as it was a gift of self-understanding, self-forgiving, and self-exploration. I have learned to love myself and to cherish myself and in that, I've learned how to deal with myself in all that I exist as in each moment. Those hard experiences that we inevitably face in this hard world we've created. 

There are solutions and there is a way forward and an ability to create something new and something that supports each of us, individually and collectively as a whole. Visit lite.desteniiprocess.com to start your journey of self-transformation. We are entering into a new decade... times to do something different to get different results!

As always, I'm here to support. Contact me with any questions if you have them or if you've been through this and need extra support. You are not alone.

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