tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-45159436988243811372024-03-06T02:13:27.964-06:00Kristina's Journey to LifeMy Journey to Life - Showing that Human Nature can change and become the best version of itself Kristina Salashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13042983577743921210noreply@blogger.comBlogger808125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4515943698824381137.post-77599397806698549922022-01-16T22:40:00.004-06:002022-01-16T22:44:51.415-06:00697: My Final Entry<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="BLOG_video_class" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/IkXrL9HIgrI" width="320" youtube-src-id="IkXrL9HIgrI"></iframe></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><br />On a final note... this Journey to Life was to birth and realize ourselves as life. This past summer I came to the realization I had realized who I am as life and it hit me then... I have realized myself as life lol It kind of snuck up on me. Everything I had been working towards was here, came and went without me even really noticing as it was a gradual unfolding and next step in my process. I will admit I imagined a more extreme and extraordinary moment but the truth is, I had just come to some realizations about myself and who I am and what I want out of life, and what I will and will not accept and allow within myself and from that, I realized the statement of "I know who I am" implied I had realized who I am as life. I could say in full confidence within myself that I know Who I Am as Life. It was done, just like that... truly like a thief in the night :)</div><div><div><br /></div><div><div><br /></div><div>So now... the next point. Self-Creation. This is when things get fun. Enjoy and I will see you around!!</div></div></div><div><br /></div><div><a href="https://www.mygreatawakening.space/" target="_blank">My new blog</a></div><div><a href="https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC0IfZUlfUK6N8RgIffzIfaQ">My YouTube Channel</a></div><div><br /></div>Kristina Salashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13042983577743921210noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4515943698824381137.post-28112240200848137772021-08-01T22:50:00.006-05:002021-08-01T22:51:10.409-05:00696: A New Creation<p><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoC5PuWhOg4mQ42DgEQChI3pG7xE2PLPhqZzfg038QKai_ySuuj2BMPBhrrog9c81tWJBbUDSZhRMMQ_b3_FvGwWh16qr00OPUn5eyxHUfCf3lJs1K5dFU93ezN5q5o3POHlNGMSgIwDv7/s640/Smiling-face.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="427" data-original-width="640" height="268" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoC5PuWhOg4mQ42DgEQChI3pG7xE2PLPhqZzfg038QKai_ySuuj2BMPBhrrog9c81tWJBbUDSZhRMMQ_b3_FvGwWh16qr00OPUn5eyxHUfCf3lJs1K5dFU93ezN5q5o3POHlNGMSgIwDv7/w400-h268/Smiling-face.png" width="400" /></a></div> Hello, world. It's been a minute. Or a few months at least. I have been writing on this blog forever... Or actually a decade now and it's taken that long to get to a point in my life where I am finally committed to ridding myself of caring what other people think and once and for all, living for me. <p></p><p>I have been walking and working towards this point with the understanding that was ultimately the point however clearly I was so separated and disconnected from myself that it took a decade of self-reflection, self-investigation, and self-forgiveness to finally realize what that practically means. </p><p>I'm tired of caring what other people think of me and I'm tired of trying to fit in with others. I am ready to live for myself, with myself, and as myself because I am the only person I actually have to live with! </p><p>So the last month I have been diving into this understanding and practicing what it means to live self-love, self-care, self-acceptance, self-trust, and self-honesty. I have been practicing removing my focus on the external world "out there" as caring what is going on with other people (as a point of inserting myself in dramas that are none of my business) and finally getting to know who I really am, what I like, what I don't like, who I want around me, who I don't want around me and what I want to create as myself and as my life. </p><p>I am finally at a point where I am making a decision about who I will surround myself with and who I will be connected with because believe it or not I believed for a very long time that I had to like everyone, that I had to get along with everyone and I had to ensure not to fight with anyone. Well, that ends here. I am no longer interested in pleasing anyone but myself. Call it selfish if you will but I am finally making myself a priority and it feels so good. </p><p>Part of this journey is again establishing myself within blogging because over the past decade blogging and sharing my process has created a baseline for myself and an ability to fine-tune myself. And with this new approach to myself and my life, writing will be a great way for me to specify myself, my insights, my practical living application, my expression, and my direction. I love me a grand stance, a new commitment, and a fresh start. I love me a new challenge and journey and process to strengthen myself within. And I love that I know that about myself and can say that with confidence in who I am because I for a long time couldn't. I for a long time was ashamed of who I was and what interests me and what I like and a lot of that had to do with caring what other people thought. What I've learned is that my care about what other people think of me implies I don't care enough about myself and ultimately what it created was me willing to accept abuse from others and for others to walk over me because hey, as long as they are in a way accepting me and keeping me around, right? That's all that apparently mattered to me. </p><p>That is no longer the case. I am going to care enough about myself that I no longer require anyone to like me. I'm no longer giving a whip whether anyone likes me because I"m going to be sure I like me. Man, that feels good. </p><p>So here's to a new chapter, a new me, a new process. A new creation. Me creating me into who I want to be without the weight of the world on my shoulders. Time to have some fun. </p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to care more about what other people think about me than what I think about me</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live for other's approval and in that completely dismissing and disregarding me and my life here</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe I have to care what other people think about me</p><p>I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand when I like and accept me, I no longer require others to like and accept me</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe how other people see/perceive me has any real value to me</p><p>I forgive myself that I have never accepted and allowed myself to give myself the life I wanted which is of self-love, self-care, and self-acceptance</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to care more about what's going on in the world than who I really am in seeing, realizing, and understanding that who I am matters more than anything else in this world</p><p>I forgive myself that I have not yet accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that in placing value in myself and who I am before anything else I am no longer susceptible to any abuse, I am no longer a victim and I am now self-empowered</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to care more about what others think of me that I would accept abuse from others</p><p>I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to stand up for myself when others abuse me because I cared too much about what others thought of me and wanted others to accept me</p><p>I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize the true freedom in living self-acceptance and self-love</p><p>I commit myself to continue practicing self-love and self-acceptance as the act of freeing myself from my self-imposed limitation and imprisonment </p><p>I commit myself to continue practicing living for me </p><p>I commit myself to continue practicing expressing me for me</p><p>I commit myself to continue to create me as my utmost potential</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxwSD1qzRgRWLZHIGP27a6hPVWWPRln63uaHa8iwFWnH181CKBE6J8a8-zYRED77AWp8IR2xOrf79FCM3lZia-WlVHM9IXK5dWpDUON6IfNen7-Vvexdo8-CahWCifqTO_Y8J2RiVM3_pZ/s300/Self-love-hug_300x300.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="300" data-original-width="300" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxwSD1qzRgRWLZHIGP27a6hPVWWPRln63uaHa8iwFWnH181CKBE6J8a8-zYRED77AWp8IR2xOrf79FCM3lZia-WlVHM9IXK5dWpDUON6IfNen7-Vvexdo8-CahWCifqTO_Y8J2RiVM3_pZ/w400-h400/Self-love-hug_300x300.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><p></p>Kristina Salashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13042983577743921210noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4515943698824381137.post-46179955164206399762021-04-26T16:54:00.000-05:002021-04-26T16:54:09.933-05:00695: Reasons for My Baby Blues<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi54Cn_3FkpkEaBuusmCAwDIPFeYjpAxdzpyh0447_QrCcDiROtheA_M4LQuprIUnLex67DGg5IPAAVx6PnYBfkw0GEc8Vg1c64L1anb864HlEUVe6_FdURxDEuJAPeliEAtslbQKBmQEHM/s1200/Postpartum-Depression.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><img border="0" data-original-height="800" data-original-width="1200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi54Cn_3FkpkEaBuusmCAwDIPFeYjpAxdzpyh0447_QrCcDiROtheA_M4LQuprIUnLex67DGg5IPAAVx6PnYBfkw0GEc8Vg1c64L1anb864HlEUVe6_FdURxDEuJAPeliEAtslbQKBmQEHM/s320/Postpartum-Depression.png" width="320" /></span></a></div><span style="font-size: medium;">April 23, 2021 - </span><span style="font-size: large;">Today I had a bit of the "baby blues" I guess you could call it. Since I had Phoenix almost 1 month ago I have experienced lows. I wouldn't go as far as to say it is postpartum depression but I definitely have had days where my experience is much lower/heavier than usual and pretty much anything can make me cry. </span><p></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I haven't had a "low" day in almost a week so it's a little discouraging this experience is making an appearance. When I came out of my last low, I felt much brighter and lighter and more looking forward to my days, more optimistic about myself and my circumstance, and trusting that I would/could make this whole mom thing work.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">A lot of my lows have been in relation to the fact that I am unable to produce an adequate amount of breastmilk to sustain my son and we have to supplement the majority of his nourishment with donor breastmilk. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I am so grateful he is at least getting breastmilk but the fact that I am not able to breastfeed him fully, with what he needs, was quite devastating and shattering for me. It's still a tough subject to talk about and address - tears still fill my eyes when I allow myself to fully step into this reality where I am unable to breastfeed my son. Even though I can see the bigger picture - that he doesn't have to be limited because I can't breastfeed him or that we had to supplement his diet with formula for a week in the beginning and that he is still getting breastmilk and we can still bond - it's a hard pill to swallow not being able to feed my child. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">My last blog published was about how I had this "irrational" fear that I wouldn't be able to produce breastmilk for my son and I even went as far as to say the likelihood of that happening was SO SMALL and yet here I am... unable to produce breastmilk for my son. Feels a bit like I'm being punished or is a direct consequence of something I did wrong. It feels unfair and I do still feel a bit victimized within it. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">So while I have been processing this point on my own and in talking through it with my partner and others, I can see today perhaps my low is in relation to this point again. Perhaps because I did publish that blog today or that my partner checked in with me today on that point to see how I was doing with it. I was taking a pill that helped to increase the milk supply and when that pill didn't show any major change that's how my midwife knew to suggest I had insufficient glandular tissue which is something I was born with - my breasts simply do not have enough glands to produce the milk. So while I do produce some milk, it's just not enough. This pill I was on though I have been weening off because it wasn't increasing my supply because it's not just a supply issue, it's a gland issue. Today was the first day I was off the pill and so that's why my partner was checking in. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">My supply definitely dropped even more since going off the pill and while Phoenix and I still have our moments of "breastfeeding" - it's not necessarily for food nourishment but rather comfort/connection-nourishment which I'm grateful we have at least last.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">So yeah, I bit of a rant here I suppose in opening up these baby blues for me today. I did allow myself to go into the blues a bit until I was on my after-dinner walk I noticed how I was walking... a bit slumped over, my experience still quite heavy, feeling as if I could cry at any moment so I decided to stop, pull my shoulders back, stick my chest out and walk with a bit more directive principle in an attempt to support myself out of this experience. It did help and now here I am to share this low experience within the month of given birth. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I don't think baby blues are random or not about anything specific... if we investigate and look into what it is we are actually experiencing and looking at our thoughts, words, feelings, and emotions, we can see more specifically what the problem is and how it's influencing our experience. For me today it's the fact that my breastmilk supply is quite low and I am not able to feed my baby with my breastmilk alone. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I will share more in blogs to come </span></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkYr6bcfAAYxi6RJiXPpuB4MqH8vSELvxE6wMJ1XWNSKpv7Tn_pt7JFsUiIsnplREjLI5LDxEAUJsED4keTKDQeq1L4LDO96xiX6fmWdbndYx8jBZYg8ppSWW4ytmST434l50BkEIIMuNm/s1080/journey+to+self.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="1080" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkYr6bcfAAYxi6RJiXPpuB4MqH8vSELvxE6wMJ1XWNSKpv7Tn_pt7JFsUiIsnplREjLI5LDxEAUJsED4keTKDQeq1L4LDO96xiX6fmWdbndYx8jBZYg8ppSWW4ytmST434l50BkEIIMuNm/w400-h400/journey+to+self.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span><p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif; font-size: medium;">Artwork By: <a href="https://www.facebook.com/DesteniArtists">Desteni Artists</a></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif; font-size: medium;">My <a href="https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC0IfZUlfUK6N8RgIffzIfaQ">YouTube Channel</a></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;">The </span><a href="http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/?fref=ts" style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;">Journey to Lifers</a></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;">Take Responsibility for what is HERE in/as this world, within AND without:</span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><a href="http://www.desteni.org/">Desteni</a></span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><br /><a href="http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/">DIP Lite Course</a> (FREE)</span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><br /><a href="http://www.desteniiprocess.com/">DIP Pro</a></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><br /><a href="http://www.eqafe.com/">Eqafe</a> (Self-Perfecting interviews, books, music, etc)</span></span></p>Kristina Salashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13042983577743921210noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4515943698824381137.post-33854613146282824042021-04-24T13:46:00.002-05:002021-04-24T13:46:49.202-05:00694: New Mom Series - Feeling Stuck<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgju3UppJaMgs3JurOcZpUp08G-oFRKJdFovN4B4n4PcLFyR97cZrrMoUukZeRYXJ-yrjruCTm7JtDezPIKFKETtQZxJCH-kq8D9b8q-0Z6ISLhYJkO4WdcfDnatq8dY5venUQffuUBOGvZ/s2048/Mom_with_baby_looking_sad.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1151" data-original-width="2048" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgju3UppJaMgs3JurOcZpUp08G-oFRKJdFovN4B4n4PcLFyR97cZrrMoUukZeRYXJ-yrjruCTm7JtDezPIKFKETtQZxJCH-kq8D9b8q-0Z6ISLhYJkO4WdcfDnatq8dY5venUQffuUBOGvZ/w400-h225/Mom_with_baby_looking_sad.jpg" width="400" /></span></a></div><span style="font-size: medium;">Our son Phoenix is now three weeks old and we have been home for almost three weeks as well. We are slowly navigating through our new normal, learning what's possible as our day-to-day living as well as the demands of this new little human. I am grateful for this new experience and the journey we are in though that doesn't mean I haven't found reactions and challenges within this new process we are walking. </span><p></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Yesterday was a cool example that I actually processed quickly within myself, meaning - I saw a reaction and fairly quickly realized and made the correction. I wanted to share here because I think a lot of moms could probably relate. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">My days consist of taking care of this new little bundle of joy. There are other things like cleaning up the house, preparing food, doing laundry that is part of the days as well, and then there are additional tasks I've done for years that I've been trying to incorporate into my new daily routine but haven't yet been successful to my satisfaction (blogging is one of them). There are a few projects I'm interested in getting back to yet haven't moved myself to step back into them. There's actually been a bit of a resistance to some of the activities. Part of it I see is because the demand of Phoenix is so new and can be all-consuming, the moments I do have where he is asleep I just want to "relax" and not necessarily work on anything. I want to lay back, kick my feet up, maybe take a nap. I want to rest essentially which is all good and I have been encouraging myself to take it easy and rest when I can and not have any expectations on myself in terms of "needing" to do anything other than what Phoenix needs from me. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Yet within this, I also see that I am ready to move into these projects but I'm also resisting it. And in resisting it I am hesitating, not moving, and essentially stalled. My experience yesterday was that I felt "stuck" but it was coming up in relation to "my new routine" with the baby where I was "stuck" doing the same tasks over and over again and felt trapped basically within it. My experience was that I apparently wasn't able to do anything else, I was stuck in a very limited cycle of change diapers, feed the baby, put the baby to sleep, and repeat.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">As mentioned previously however I saw quite quickly that my experience in relation to being "stuck" wasn't actually because of the baby or my responsibilities within having a baby... it was actually in relation to the fact that I was resisting and so not moving on these other projects I could see I was ready to move within, and start incorporating into my daily routine. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">So while the surface experience was to blame motherhood or the fact that this little one takes up so much of my time, on why I was feeling stuck, the truth was, and my self-honesty is, that I could have used the times in between the diaper changes and feedings, when he was sound asleep, to do these other tasks I was resisting doing. I actually had moments of opportunity to MOVE and not be stuck but I rather stuck myself in allowing resistance. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">A simple but cool point to realize and that wanted I to share is how often do we blame our external circumstances for our internal experiences when chances are there is something WE could do differently to change our experience entirely. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame having a child as the reason I feel stuck within my daily routine instead of realizing that my stuck experience was actually coming from ME and my lack of self-movement when the moments of opportunity present itself</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue to blame my internal experience on something that is external from me instead of always looking to firstly take full responsibility for my internal experience - all thoughts, words, and deeds</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist doing things that I see I actually want to do but that do not give me the temporary experience of being relaxed which is really just me wanting to cope and escape from the demands of my new position as a mother</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to escape from the demands of being a mother instead of taking responsibility for my creation and also taking it one moment at a time so as to not overwhelm myself</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to use my breath in moments when I feel overwhelmed and want to escape from the demands of having a baby so that I am not creating a more challenging experience through my thoughts and back chats </span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to utilize the opportunities I have within the baby's sleep schedule to move myself to direct myself within the projects I see I am ready to continue within</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to honor myself and what I see I'm capable of during a day</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that because I have a baby I can no longer do things that I am passionate or interested in and to think and believe that all my time must be given to my child</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the responsibilities of having a child as limited and something I am stuck within instead of realizing the opportunities with the tasks with the baby as also moments to face myself and get to know myself and to practice being present within/as</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize the gift I've been given in getting to know myself in relation to having a child and that I am again coming face to face with me as my mind and so I have an opportunity to further correct the patterns within me that I see do not serve me or what is best for all</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not question the experiences within my mind, especially when it is in the nature of blame, in realizing that until I do start to question and investigate myself and who I am in relation to all things (including having a baby) I will only repeat the same patters over and over within myself and within my life</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">When and as I see myself resisting moving myself in moments of opportunity when the baby is asleep I stop and I breathe. I see, realize and understand that my resistance to moving myself is due to a reaction of being challenged and my resistance is me wanting to escape but here I commit myself to stop running and hiding from myself and rather face myself head on to once and for all correct the patterns within me that no longer serve me</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I commit myself to question anything that I blame that is separate from me here </span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I commit myself to take responsibility for all of me as all thoughts, words, and deeds</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I commit myself to see every moment as an opportunity to breathe, ground myself and to face myself as my reality, as my child, as my partner, as my life</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I commit myself to stop using escapism as a way to deal with my life and reality</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I commit myself to take responsibility for what I've created as my life</span></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTguX6CwHwg_xj6-kttVvjFUKcJJ2eXtPR94cwams8LU8_mFYs7a-Stf0AxcmN4IHimmCr0UwxudnlGrPxB6kRJq9DvyhyxNYSKmxcEAIpOSMHAe1FYq1p-vTAhsvwqAf7o7ZnPJdvkmur/s900/change3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="700" data-original-width="900" height="498" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTguX6CwHwg_xj6-kttVvjFUKcJJ2eXtPR94cwams8LU8_mFYs7a-Stf0AxcmN4IHimmCr0UwxudnlGrPxB6kRJq9DvyhyxNYSKmxcEAIpOSMHAe1FYq1p-vTAhsvwqAf7o7ZnPJdvkmur/w640-h498/change3.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span><p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif; font-size: medium;">Artwork By: <a href="https://www.facebook.com/DesteniArtists">Desteni Artists</a></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif; font-size: medium;">My <a href="https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC0IfZUlfUK6N8RgIffzIfaQ">YouTube Channel</a></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;">The </span><a href="http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/?fref=ts" style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;">Journey to Lifers</a></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;">Take Responsibility for what is HERE in/as this world, within AND without:</span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><a href="http://www.desteni.org/">Desteni</a></span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><br /><a href="http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/">DIP Lite Course</a> (FREE)</span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><br /><a href="http://www.desteniiprocess.com/">DIP Pro</a></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><br /><a href="http://www.eqafe.com/">Eqafe</a> (Self-Perfecting interviews, books, music, etc)</span></span></p>Kristina Salashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13042983577743921210noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4515943698824381137.post-16211682930216418842021-04-23T13:25:00.001-05:002021-04-23T13:25:14.566-05:00693: What if My Body Doesn't Produce Breast milk?<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiv0vvyB-Fs4fM9H-6-AcRNpQKX3A2eqAt2wQ-vJ-wWmRP9SyXuziibkfyD5sCxW1qLwxIqeQeN0moKri075chHYf7upQvQDwnGaOJVPZwfF58Mj1dJiKbKjjDC9vUdFpC1LuOQcw0QqPTe/s1920/breastfeeding.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1280" data-original-width="1920" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiv0vvyB-Fs4fM9H-6-AcRNpQKX3A2eqAt2wQ-vJ-wWmRP9SyXuziibkfyD5sCxW1qLwxIqeQeN0moKri075chHYf7upQvQDwnGaOJVPZwfF58Mj1dJiKbKjjDC9vUdFpC1LuOQcw0QqPTe/w400-h266/breastfeeding.jpg" width="400" /></span></a></div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br />March 29, 2021</span><p></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Last week at our 36-week midwife appointment our midwife suggested I try to collect colostrum for our little one for after he's born. Because I have been diagnosed with gestational diabetes there is a chance he could be born with low blood sugar (this may be because if he's been getting high blood sugars from me, his body could adapt to that amount so once he's born, it can drop as he's no longer getting that amount from me). And if he does have low blood sugar, he may be unable to breastfeed right away after birth and so to avoid giving him formula she suggested I stock up on a supply of colostrum now for him just in case. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">And so she showed me how to hand express the colostrum. While at our appointment, the colostrum did not come out so she suggested when I got home that evening to take a hot shower and then try again. I did and still nothing. The next night I did it again and again, no colostrum came out, and instead, I just have sore and sensitive breasts. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">This definitely triggered a reaction within me in thinking and believing my body hasn't produced the colostrum and worse yet, it won't produce any milk and we won't be able to breastfeed. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Clearly, this is quite the irrational reaction... the chances of me not producing milk are so friggen small, but I tell you - the mind is a powerful thing and can be quite convincing especially when it comes to our own self-definition. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">This whole reaction played into an already established self-definition I have which is there is something wrong with me... inherently there is something amiss, lacking, bad, wrong, off track, defective... so here, despite my midwife saying I have been for a long time during this period already producing milk and her not having any doubt I will be able to get colostrum from my breast before he's born, not having it come out when I've attempted is me taking that as a confirmation that my self-definition is right... something is wrong. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">And then I think because I am in such a reaction/state of mind I am actually creating the very thing I am thinking is happening. I am the one actually standing in the way of my body doing what it was designed to do. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe I am not producing colostrum and will not produce breastmilk because I did not produce anything when I tried hand expressing 3 times so far</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe there is something wrong with me ad my ability to produce breastmilk because I have not yet been able to hand express colostrum</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to produce colostrum or breastmilk because I don't want to give my baby formula</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that of course there is something wrong with me/my body and that's why I won't be able to breastfeed</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe just because I have not yet been able to hand express colostrum from my breast doesn't mean I won't be able to in time</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own mind wherein I think and believe that my reaction to not having yet been able to hand express colostrum from my breast that is what is causing me to not be able to produce it in the first place</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to diminish myself within the irrational reactions that suggest I won't produce any colostrum or breastmilk for my baby because there is something inherently wrong with me</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize the consequence of a religion that suggests humans were born in sin which is that I have a deep-seated self-definition and belief that there is something wrong with me when in fact there isn't... I was born innocent like all children are born innocent </span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to question myself when I think and believe there is something wrong with me as the very foundation of myself</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to unconditionally let go of this idea that there is something wrong with me</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume the worst anytime anything suggests that I am not able to do something the average person can such as breastfeeding</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become overwhelmed at the idea that I will not and cannot produce breastmilk for my baby</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as inferior to all other women who have been able to breastfeed</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe if I am unable to breastfeed my child that somehow I've failed as a mother</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place such conditions on myself as a mother that if I do not adhere or live up to the standards I believe are "the only right way" then I have failed and am a fuck up as a mother</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold myself and my body to a standard that we may not be able to live up to purely because it isn't practical</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I forgive myself that I have accepted a perfection from myself based on what others have said is best instead of deciding for myself what is perfect for me and my child and our current situation and practical reality and circumstance</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that not all breastfeeding journies are the same for every woman and every woman is different and unique, just as her breastfeeding experiencing</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">When and as I see myself reacting to the idea that I can't or won't be able to hand express colostrum or breastfeed, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that this is an irrational fear based on a self-definition that I am somehow defective, which is a consequence of a religious construct that suggests humans are born in sin. I reject this idea and commit myself to release myself from this idea so that I am no longer a slave to this idea that there is something wrong with me. I commit myself to pay close attention to my unique experience and circumstance when it comes to pregnancy, birth, and breastfeeding and to not compare myself to others but to rather work with myself and what is here for me</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I commit myself to stop rejecting myself within the self-definition that there is something inherently wrong with me</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I commit myself to stop giving myself up over to the mind to tell me who I am or how I should experience things and rather practice breathing in moments to ground myself and the emotional energy so that it does not overwhelm me</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I commit myself to practice being more in my body</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I commit myself to trust my body to do what it has been designed to do which is breastfeeding a baby</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I commit myself to trust myself to be present in the moment with myself, my body, and my baby to be able to breastfeed to the best of my ability</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I commit myself to stop letting my mind get the best of me</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6pOaODcrXjOhuSyNoKeV_VLFtHwgQ1iBSMY31pa7J13y40WO97WKYelz3iSuSHgPQnSdCmB5uG_mWB4bO03RBWeOHfYsJHdVz6A5Cg5N19ng316k4Dad0-lVyVIQbWvy57FnISKIEEefG/s640/face+yourself.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="400" data-original-width="640" height="250" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6pOaODcrXjOhuSyNoKeV_VLFtHwgQ1iBSMY31pa7J13y40WO97WKYelz3iSuSHgPQnSdCmB5uG_mWB4bO03RBWeOHfYsJHdVz6A5Cg5N19ng316k4Dad0-lVyVIQbWvy57FnISKIEEefG/w400-h250/face+yourself.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif; font-size: medium;">Artwork By: <a href="https://www.facebook.com/DesteniArtists">Desteni Artists</a></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif; font-size: medium;">My <a href="https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC0IfZUlfUK6N8RgIffzIfaQ">YouTube Channel</a></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;">The </span><a href="http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/?fref=ts" style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;">Journey to Lifers</a></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;">Take Responsibility for what is HERE in/as this world, within AND without:</span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><a href="http://www.desteni.org/">Desteni</a></span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><br /><a href="http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/">DIP Lite Course</a> (FREE)</span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><br /><a href="http://www.desteniiprocess.com/">DIP Pro</a></span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><br /><a href="http://www.eqafe.com/">Eqafe</a> (Self-Perfecting interviews, books, music, etc)</span></span></p>Kristina Salashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13042983577743921210noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4515943698824381137.post-12590876913621463972021-04-20T11:03:00.000-05:002021-04-20T11:03:00.425-05:00692: Fear of Not being Ready<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEil5TFV9iBd7uHTX_WAnoLUGs5wqt0N3Ci04MVo-XLh45aWgDQem4zXnF-58g3lDcMhhmvGRPBFgd0Tuv1GFe9XGgRWQrladLGx5pGetskzYKQZcKLl4TPsfT3Jyugfx1CRLjuB5WUXR5fB/s2048/Unprepared.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1366" data-original-width="2048" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEil5TFV9iBd7uHTX_WAnoLUGs5wqt0N3Ci04MVo-XLh45aWgDQem4zXnF-58g3lDcMhhmvGRPBFgd0Tuv1GFe9XGgRWQrladLGx5pGetskzYKQZcKLl4TPsfT3Jyugfx1CRLjuB5WUXR5fB/w400-h266/Unprepared.jpg" width="400" /></span></a></div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br />March 28, 2021 (3 days before my son was born).</span><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">I am over a week into my maternity leave and the little routine I had set up for myself at the start of this was disruptive midweek when we had our appointment with our midwife. We found out due to my gestational diabetes and being insulin-dependent that there was a chance I would need to be induced early and starting tomorrow when I'm 37 weeks pregnant and full-term, I could try some home remedies to induce myself. </span><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">This was definitely unexpected and caused quite the stir within me as I had convinced myself of how the last 4 weeks of this pregnancy were going to go. I would have 4 weeks off to finish the final things on my checklist to prepare for his arrival - last-minute nitty-gritty cleaning of the house and just ensuring overall we had everything we needed for him. Because I had 4 weeks still I was taking my time at the start of this maternity leave and so when I got the news that we could trigger labor by next week... there was definitely a panic that ran through me.</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">All of a sudden the reality of his arrival was here and I wasn't ready. Or at least I thought I wasn't ready because a, b, and c hadn't been done yet and now I didn't have the same amount of time I expected and really wanted to get it all in order. </span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">I really resisted this initially... I didn't like the idea of inducing labor at 37 weeks and I certainly didn't like the idea of being medically induced at 38-40 weeks. I wanted him to come when he was ready. </span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">And while that may still happen, I definitely reacted strongly to having him come earlier than anticipated and even though I know, despite not having my checklist all done, we are ready... I still went into fear and worry about him coming. </span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist a birth plan that is anything outside of what I had determined was how it was going to go in my own mind</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist the idea of this baby coming early because I defined him coming early as dangerous and bad and not his choice</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have my heart set on a birth plan that if it doesn't go that way, to think and believe that somehow something is being taken away from me and I cannot be empowered within my birth experience</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe everything I wanted out of this birth I will no longer get and that will somehow mean my child's start in life won't be the best it can be</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be flexible to changes in my pregnancy and to hold onto an ideal based on what I think is best instead of realizing working with what is HERE as this physical reality and how things unfold is what is actually best</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become overwhelmed at the idea of this baby coming sooner than I anticipated in thinking and believing I'm not ready for him to be here until it's been 40 weeks</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe a baby being born before 40 weeks is something dangerous or compromising to the baby's health</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being medically induced into labor in thinking and believing that will cause other interventions during my labor</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that if I have any medical interventions that somehow my baby will be harmed and will not have the best possible start in life</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to have all the things done on my checklist before the baby is born and resist him coming any earlier than that</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become overwhelmed by my own expectations wherein I stubbornly hold onto an idea of how I want something to play out and if it doesn't go that way I refuse to accept it as reality and just make it harder for myself to move in physical reality</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that if I'm not able to go into labor naturally that I'm somehow forcing him to be born before he is ready and that will somehow produce some unforeseen consequence</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to trust myself to do what is best for me and the baby as we approach birth to ensure he is delivered safely and to thus be bale to let go of what I want to ensure what is best is done</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that what I want may not be in fact best for me/the baby</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blindly hold onto what I want rather than consider what could be best for all</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">When and as I see myself resisting the reality of a situation, such as perhaps needing to be medically induced into labor, I stop and I breathe. </span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">I see, realize and understand that my resistance is me holding onto a mental projection and an outcome I want that I think and believe is best yet in my holding onto it I am not accepting what is REAL and HERE for me as this pregnancy and so I commit myself to embrace this pregnancy as it is which is having gestational diabetes and with that, the potential of needing to be medically induced </span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">I commit myself to be willing to let go of my wants for what is actually best for me and my child</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">I commit myself to challenge that which I'm not able to let go of such as being medically induced into labor</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">I commit myself to let go of the idea that I'm not ready for him to come this early and rather embrace his arrival, whenever that may be</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">I commit myself to open myself up to his arrival whether that's this week or 3 weeks for now </span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">I commit myself to not stress myself out regarding my checklist and to rather take my time getting done what needs to get done so that I'm not rushing and being okay with what doesn't get done before his arrival</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">I commit myself to not be carried away by my thoughts as what could happen as possible worst-case scenarios and to rather walk in the moment, as the breath</span></div></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOZOgOUWuvJBpusEehr4xbcpoMOWUWb0FH59iz-_OtkB42FTBKNup5Hc_kABb4ozDxGy9Bx0BIxL-m2ZtH6e98GtwtoCcraWJwsqZRO7h6rMInaG2lMNbt0-49ufKV_Eit7jKghg4JgvB1/s800/manifested-consequence+%25281%2529.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="800" data-original-width="800" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOZOgOUWuvJBpusEehr4xbcpoMOWUWb0FH59iz-_OtkB42FTBKNup5Hc_kABb4ozDxGy9Bx0BIxL-m2ZtH6e98GtwtoCcraWJwsqZRO7h6rMInaG2lMNbt0-49ufKV_Eit7jKghg4JgvB1/w640-h640/manifested-consequence+%25281%2529.png" width="640" /></a></div><br /></div><div><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif; font-size: medium;">Artwork By: <a href="https://www.facebook.com/DesteniArtists">Desteni Artists</a></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif; font-size: medium;">My <a href="https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC0IfZUlfUK6N8RgIffzIfaQ">YouTube Channel</a></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;">The </span><a href="http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/?fref=ts" style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;">Journey to Lifers</a></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;">Take Responsibility for what is HERE in/as this world, within AND without:</span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><a href="http://www.desteni.org/">Desteni</a></span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><br /><a href="http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/">DIP Lite Course</a> (FREE)</span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><br /><a href="http://www.desteniiprocess.com/">DIP Pro</a></span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><br /><a href="http://www.eqafe.com/">Eqafe</a> (Self-Perfecting interviews, books, music, etc)</span></span></p></div><div><br /></div>Kristina Salashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13042983577743921210noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4515943698824381137.post-5191695228879240792021-03-30T10:38:00.000-06:002021-03-30T10:38:00.363-06:00691: Birth and Motherhood - Panic at What is to Come<p><span style="font-size: medium;"></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8LWkPv_FPskPqTsZhoikwnp1V5Ddu_e65HaGKVwnnNQTkTvErl_v2h5wVnUV-JdAWHIsut_kal66s0tPGMlyZwFkCTbkPcY68Ltl_mbA2csnSbp_o1LHR7oHdZJMMUmTMpbBCN-ISg5oD/s2048/pregnancy+fears.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1755" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8LWkPv_FPskPqTsZhoikwnp1V5Ddu_e65HaGKVwnnNQTkTvErl_v2h5wVnUV-JdAWHIsut_kal66s0tPGMlyZwFkCTbkPcY68Ltl_mbA2csnSbp_o1LHR7oHdZJMMUmTMpbBCN-ISg5oD/w343-h400/pregnancy+fears.jpg" width="343" /></a></span></div><span style="font-size: medium;">March 23, 2021</span><p></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I am now 36 weeks pregnant and inching closer every day to the "big day" which is that of giving birth. I've known this day would come and have been preparing physically and mentally - doing yoga, breathing, and reading lots of books about labor and birth. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">For the majority of this pregnancy, I have been feeling confident, calm, and prepared for that moment when it's time to actually labor and birth my child but recently I've had an interesting experience coming up. I'd say it's come up about 2 or 3 times now, mostly in the middle of the night when I'm on one of my many bathroom runs, this very subtle and quick moment of sheer panic at the thought of having this child. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I'm not sure if it's the labor/birth part or the fact that once this baby is here, that's it... he's here forever lol but it's definitely an experience of panic. It's a sharp energy that grips me for a moment and the first time I experienced it, it felt like a moment of "what the fuck did we do" - almost like the reality setting in that we've created another human life and we are 100% responsible for that human life and he will be here VERY soon and our lives will never be the same again. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">The panic of the responsibility, the weight, the change, the implication of having a child. I think there is a small dimension of this panic that's in regards to actually physically birthing the baby but overall it seems to be the weight of the responsibility we have created for ourselves. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Don't get me wrong, I have no regrets about conceiving a child - I am open and grateful to be in this position and am looking forward to the challenges and joy I know I will face. But with that said there is no denying that we are about to step into a process that we may have planned for but perhaps could not have known exactly how it would be and that level of the unknown or uncertainty can be scary. It can be terrifying really. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">So I thought it would be a good idea to share this point here and do some self-forgiveness on it to ensure that this subtle, sharp panic doesn't grow and accumulate into something that could be debilitating for me at the time of his actual birth. I've heard from other women and read stories about how a woman's experience plays quite the role in the process and progress of labor and I am determined to ensure I have nothing blocking me from opening up and birthing this baby in the easiest way possible. Of course, I am prepared to be flexible with how it goes, but that doesn't mean I can't do things now to prepare and support myself for those moments to come and to ensure I don't have any hidden fears, worries, or concerns standing in my way from walking through this journey of birth. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within/as a panic in relation to having a baby as the weight of the responsibility of having a child sets in as I am now approaching the due date</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the responsibility I have created for myself by creating a child and to think and believe that somehow I will fail or it will be fuck up and essentially is something I must fear and exist in panic in relation to</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand how my experience of panic at the thought of having this baby and what my life will soon look like is a projection into the future and so an act of separation from myself here, in the present, where I actually exist in reality and that in projecting myself into the future I am reacting to something that doesn't exist</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">And so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create anxiety, worry, and panic by existing in a future projection within my mind instead of realizing that by being here, walking in the moment, I am in a better position and more equipped to direct myself and my reality wherein when I project myself into the future I am not able to do anything about it because it's not here and so I am simply disempowering myself in relation to something that doesn't exist</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to walk in the moment as breath, as my present, to ensure I am HERE and directing what is actually HERE as my reality and so thus be able to trust myself to do what is best in the moment - realizing this is the way to walk with my child once he is here</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my life changing completely forever instead of realizing that change is a constant</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear change</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear responsibility</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear a child being dependent on me because I still feel like a child myself </span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I am able to take responsibility for my child as I have been able to take responsibility for myself and so I know I can trust myself to move and direct and express myself in ways that are best for us/all</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to trust myself to bring this baby into this world and have him be a part of my world and knowing I've wanted and decided to create this change as a responsibility I have as a human being to ensure a world best for all</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to diminish myself in the face of having a baby within the belief that it will be life changing and that is somehow scary or something to be afraid of</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to suppress this panic in regards to having a baby as if that implies I'm not ready to have him or that I look like I've made a mistake or have regrets about his conception</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that self-honesty is about embracing what is here, not making things look better than they are</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">When and as I see myself experiencing subtle, sharp moments of panic in relation to having a baby so soon, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that this panic is me projecting myself into the future that doesn't exist and isn't here and there's nothing I can do about it and so I commit myself to rather breathe and bring myself into the physical moment, as my breath, in the present wherein I am able to stand and live as a directive principle of me and my life and so empower myself to do what is best in any given moment</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I commit myself to be self-honest about what I experience and not think or believe I have to hide my experience but that I can face it and forgive it</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I commit myself to walk in the moment as I raise this child to ensure I am not separating myself from what is real as what is here</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I commit myself to trust myself to raise this baby as I see I've been able to make decisions in my life and direct myself in ways that are best for me/all and so I am fully capable of doing that with and for my child</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I commit myself to not be afraid of my fear of having a child and to rather embrace the unknown and what's to come without expectations or ideas but rather with an open mind, heart and arms</span></p><p><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQJsLSlFmTxqHB5dbqq2sowq44omFMFDVTy93fA_TTTj8Fc7saZmVsvRHdqgk7VcaY6cBAaCjlGZFG9BTwZu2k6Wq2jnW6udbow7dmiJxzlxGilj1t4mdphUac6xNhyt3VhtHNwLuOcZkk/s900/responsibility-chains.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="584" data-original-width="900" height="416" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQJsLSlFmTxqHB5dbqq2sowq44omFMFDVTy93fA_TTTj8Fc7saZmVsvRHdqgk7VcaY6cBAaCjlGZFG9BTwZu2k6Wq2jnW6udbow7dmiJxzlxGilj1t4mdphUac6xNhyt3VhtHNwLuOcZkk/w640-h416/responsibility-chains.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><br /><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif; font-size: medium;">Artwork By: <a href="https://www.facebook.com/DesteniArtists">Desteni Artists</a></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif; font-size: medium;">My <a href="https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC0IfZUlfUK6N8RgIffzIfaQ">YouTube Channel</a></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;">The </span><a href="http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/?fref=ts" style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;">Journey to Lifers</a></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;">Take Responsibility for what is HERE in/as this world, within AND without:</span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><a href="http://www.desteni.org/">Desteni</a></span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><br /><a href="http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/">DIP Lite Course</a> (FREE)</span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><br /><a href="http://www.desteniiprocess.com/">DIP Pro</a></span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><br /><a href="http://www.eqafe.com/">Eqafe</a> (Self-Perfecting interviews, books, music, etc)</span></span></p>Kristina Salashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13042983577743921210noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4515943698824381137.post-78194212786291232022021-03-29T10:26:00.002-06:002021-03-29T10:26:40.052-06:00690: Who Am I in Conflict with My Partner?<span style="font-size: medium;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhypEo1A8x7XOug791XIYo3qGZOFtWxJPUuVDcJvjc-i-rxxITwuLVSkF_yCc1SNNa73UmERFRwp36wQJc3_t0RDiI2NLem5cJjV0b8oR4ehLEIhxC1uVl8qJoDz_Tje6_BLGWwTiO0M-2Y/s600/LoversQuarrel.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="428" data-original-width="600" height="285" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhypEo1A8x7XOug791XIYo3qGZOFtWxJPUuVDcJvjc-i-rxxITwuLVSkF_yCc1SNNa73UmERFRwp36wQJc3_t0RDiI2NLem5cJjV0b8oR4ehLEIhxC1uVl8qJoDz_Tje6_BLGWwTiO0M-2Y/w400-h285/LoversQuarrel.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />March 22, 2021</span><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">Today my partner and I had a few moments of reactions towards each other with one accumulating into quite the fight in which I ended up leaving the house. </span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">Often that is one of the first things I want to do, just leave. This is a power move I can see now because I'm basically saying "I'm not staying here/in this or I'm not willing to fight with you anymore" almost like a righteous/moral stand as if I'm being the bigger person. Really it's just an automatic response to an experience, when it gets that intense, I am not able to process so I think if I remove myself I could calm down. </span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">It did work though the guilt and shame for "running away" quickly emerged and I felt like I had abandoned him. I did not like that experience. I was only gone for 20 minutes or so and headed back with the intention to communicate about what happened, my experience, and what I saw as my contribution and so the responsibility to the playout was so that we could lay to rest this fight and get back to our stability and alignment. </span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">For me - the pattern to either shut down (go silent) or run away is always the first points that come up when we get into conflicts. Especially if it's an intense conflict, and the emotions within me overwhelm me, I shut down or attempt to communicate in a very indirect way and ultimately just wanting to run away. </span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">I can see this is because I don't feel as though I am able to communicate myself or direct myself out of the experience - I am overwhelmed and incapable of expressing what is going on within me. It's almost like feeling water rising within you to the point where you are about to drown and while you know you don't have to drown, you also can't keep the water level from rising, you are going to go under. </span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">For me, every time we fight like this, which is not often almost 8 years into our relationship/agreement, it feels like it really takes its toll on us. You can actually see and experience the consequences it is creating between you and your partner and often, after the tidal wave, the aftermath is messy. You see the damage that was done. The actual effect on your environment/you the conflict had.</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">So I am determined to correct myself to where I do not let myself become overwhelmed by my emotions and to rather be able to stop myself in a moment, to breathe, ground myself and be clear enough to make a decision to communicate myself and direct the situation into the best for all outcome. </span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">This of course is determined by me and me alone and there can be no blame or expectations from my partner - I must be standing 100% in my self-responsibility. </span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand how my emotions and feelings are 100% my responsibility and if I am blaming any of my experience on my partner I am not 100% directive principle of/as myself which is what leads to me experiencing my emotions and feelings as more/greater than me and so overwhelm me</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become overwhelmed by my emotions when in conflict with my partner because I am not taking 100% responsibility for the creation of the conflict and who I am within it as a participant</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that when I am not standing equal to and one with my mind and so my thoughts, back chats and so emotions and feelings my mind becomes more than me and can over power me</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to stand equal to and one with my mind as my thoughts, feelings, and emotions as my accepted and allowed creation</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when overwhelmed by my emotions and feelings, automatically want to shut down and to run away because I think and believe it's the only way I can "get out" of what I am experiencing instead of realizing I am actually not sure how to communicate and so direct myself out of my experience of energy as emotions</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, after a conflict with my partner, want to run away as an automatic response within a starting point of being righteous and taking some moral high ground where I am attempting to express "I will not participate in this" instead of realizing the actual emotion I am consumed with as the conflict within me is influencing and motivating me to leave</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abandon my partner after a conflict as leaving him to deal with the mess instead of staying, taking responsibility, and communicating so that we can come to a solution that is best for both of us</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to give myself the grace and space to stop and breathe before I move from emotions that were triggered after a conflict with my partner as the most efficient and self-honest way to handle the situation</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to take responsibility for my creation of the conflict with my partner and to rather want to leave as if implying it's his problem and not mine</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that running away is ever a solution to my problems instead of realizing that only facing, addressing, and correcting the problem is the actual solution</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">When and as I see myself wanting to act from my emotions after a conflict with my partner such as shutting down or running away, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that both actions are an abdication of my responsibility to the creation of the conflict with my partner and that unless I stand 100% within that responsibility then I am still in a point of blame and separation from me, my mind and my creation as the conflict and so I commit myself to realize it always takes two to tango and that I am equally responsible to clean up the mess as I was in creating it</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">When and as I see myself wanting to run away after a conflict with my partner, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that this is often within a starting point of moral high ground and righteousness wherein I am implying I am doing something right and he is doing something wrong, and I am the one ending the conflict because I'm removing myself from the situation instead of realizing I am still in a point of blame and thus not taking responsibility for what I've created with my partner and so I commit myself to not abandon myself or my partner after a fight and rather stay and face the music and practice communicating and expressing my responsibility to what happened so that we can find and implement a solution that is best for us both</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">I commit myself to practice slowing down in moments of conflict so as to not allow myself to be overwhelmed by my mind as thoughts and emotions and to rather stand equal to it where I can actually direct it</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">I commit myself to no longer creating guilt and shame of acting out in my emotions after a conflict with my partner and to rather practicing breathing to ground the emotions so that I can move in a self-honest way that does not further create consequences or conflict with my partner</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;">I commit myself to practice standing 100% within my responsibility within all things I participate with, express, and create</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9P4NrtlvvjTs_nyAdFyyGoMhS6n0hOp7JOEF-2F2_vABqBpDOHbWGn5EI3igQV0iin9BKspkmiidi_dFnpPM5J07GDGTe0-l35cSCNzS7BuMSD5DtVhwnfukpXpgIpKfw6EZLtx9OvOqn/s309/cycles+of+the+mind.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="309" data-original-width="236" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9P4NrtlvvjTs_nyAdFyyGoMhS6n0hOp7JOEF-2F2_vABqBpDOHbWGn5EI3igQV0iin9BKspkmiidi_dFnpPM5J07GDGTe0-l35cSCNzS7BuMSD5DtVhwnfukpXpgIpKfw6EZLtx9OvOqn/w306-h400/cycles+of+the+mind.jpg" width="306" /></a></div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif; font-size: medium;">Artwork By: <a href="https://www.facebook.com/DesteniArtists">Desteni Artists</a></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif; font-size: medium;">My <a href="https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC0IfZUlfUK6N8RgIffzIfaQ">YouTube Channel</a></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;">The </span><a href="http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/?fref=ts" style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;">Journey to Lifers</a></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;">Take Responsibility for what is HERE in/as this world, within AND without:</span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><a href="http://www.desteni.org/">Desteni</a></span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><br /><a href="http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/">DIP Lite Course</a> (FREE)</span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><br /><a href="http://www.desteniiprocess.com/">DIP Pro</a></span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><br /><a href="http://www.eqafe.com/">Eqafe</a> (Self-Perfecting interviews, books, music, etc)</span></span></p></div>Kristina Salashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13042983577743921210noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4515943698824381137.post-23922932742671881202021-03-28T10:40:00.000-06:002021-03-28T10:40:33.363-06:00689: The End of the Weekend Rush<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzJy3S1OTMJi1wz2CSYRCY8Zb_IaQaWa_Ed5DBTkFJgO8SD9yxIyfPf8PAQAnzKiWeA5cNrMN4Q4wItLTMiJza3rqYgN4Yz0PJfByJOJXSUvsZ1SpeRnshshFS4XnKVDiN8yluGCWfc3yi/s1920/work.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="1920" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzJy3S1OTMJi1wz2CSYRCY8Zb_IaQaWa_Ed5DBTkFJgO8SD9yxIyfPf8PAQAnzKiWeA5cNrMN4Q4wItLTMiJza3rqYgN4Yz0PJfByJOJXSUvsZ1SpeRnshshFS4XnKVDiN8yluGCWfc3yi/w400-h225/work.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><span style="font-size: medium;">March 21, 2021</span><p></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Day 2 of maternity leave. Today I slept in a bit later than usual and had a 2+hour phone call with my mother. Usually when this happens, specifically the sleeping in later, I find myself get grumpy and agitated because I feel as though I've "wasted time". Often this is on the weekends when I don't have to work and the days are more "mine" in the sense that I don't have to do any work for anyone else - I am freer to decide what my day looks like. And often I save all the things I want to do for the weekend so my desire to do lots on the weekends often doesn't pan out because I do only have so many hours in a day. So then when I use some of those hours to sleep in a bit later than usual I get upset. And not at myself... usually it's projected outward onto everything else in my reality. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">What I can see however is the agitation is really from myself from a) placing unrealistic expectations on myself in terms of what I think I'm practically able to do in a day and b) for not creating the type of life for myself where I am the one deciding how my days look every day... that I'm still in a position where I must depend on another person to provide to me money in exchange for my time/labor. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">So where I find myself now is in a position where every day is my choice to decide who I am and what I will do. I no longer require to be or do anything for someone to ensure my survival. At the moment, my survival is more so guaranteed. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">What I can see however is that the habit of existing in this state of cramming as much as I can into one day because I only have so much "me time" creates a lot of rush-ness and also the inability to really be in the moment as things unfold, such as sleeping in later or having a 2-hour phone conversation with my mother. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">While this morning I did not wake up grumpy for sleeping in and didn't feel rushed when on the phone with m mother, I did recall this pattern I've for so long-lived out and I am determined to become more aware of it as I walk this process as my maternity leave where my time is my own and I no longer have to rush to get to "my stuff" because I am expected to do stuff for others. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Yesterday I did actually get ambitions and make the most of my day and I was quite exhausted by the end of the day so it's also a matter of being practical with myself in considering I am now 36 weeks pregnant and my body is doing a lot of work without me doing anything extra so to not overextend myself to create consequences. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Yes, I want to make the most of this space/time I have available however I also want to ensure I am healthy and stable and taking care of myself and my body. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Slow and steady wins the race.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">I'm looking forward to this process of maternity leave ahead as I can start learning and practice what it means to walk slow and steady... I have nowhere to be, no one to answer to, I have nothing I need to do. I have space and time (I know I've said that many time between yesterday and today's blog) but it is standing out to be the most relevant point I can see that will play the biggest role for me in terms of getting to know myself and seeing who I am/who I will be and how I direct myself and how I will direct myself with that space and time available. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;">Fun times ahead :)</span></p><p><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieeskPHKLD9f-Ol98NzmlX-J4loxvS9ByyzdVh6qfwiuOkNZThs2GqLFjMQ93bFwSSG5z604owgllEG4M2XA2-ObnMrHEJiDGMdNoutGx6HMGdUKO_dTAKRsBjJu-G3D-KBaEGt09Vqt7j/s260/EqualMoney+%25282%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="194" data-original-width="260" height="299" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieeskPHKLD9f-Ol98NzmlX-J4loxvS9ByyzdVh6qfwiuOkNZThs2GqLFjMQ93bFwSSG5z604owgllEG4M2XA2-ObnMrHEJiDGMdNoutGx6HMGdUKO_dTAKRsBjJu-G3D-KBaEGt09Vqt7j/w400-h299/EqualMoney+%25282%2529.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><p><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif; font-size: medium;">Artwork By: <a href="https://www.facebook.com/DesteniArtists">Desteni Artists</a></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif; font-size: medium;">My <a href="https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC0IfZUlfUK6N8RgIffzIfaQ">YouTube Channel</a></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;">The </span><a href="http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/?fref=ts" style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;">Journey to Lifers</a></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;">Take Responsibility for what is HERE in/as this world, within AND without:</span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><a href="http://www.desteni.org/">Desteni</a></span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><br /><a href="http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/">DIP Lite Course</a> (FREE)</span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><br /><a href="http://www.desteniiprocess.com/">DIP Pro</a></span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><br /><a href="http://www.eqafe.com/">Eqafe</a> (Self-Perfecting interviews, books, music, etc)</span></span></p>Kristina Salashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13042983577743921210noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4515943698824381137.post-41326655704468693762021-03-27T13:08:00.003-06:002021-03-27T13:08:48.558-06:00688: Who Will I Be with a Year Off? Day 1 of Maternity Leave<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUgCzDwdu5rU0y5PhU14eZXMSn3NPiJJ_7gy7ioz7pm3NUkNC-_ca-AyPphu0m19empgMFyF6sgn-dzXxrW80PsApGRRTicorCPCgCdasuGSKxjMp8j96ZxvQPdxA-tGDxi5rZyrttxqgC/s1568/freedom-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1045" data-original-width="1568" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUgCzDwdu5rU0y5PhU14eZXMSn3NPiJJ_7gy7ioz7pm3NUkNC-_ca-AyPphu0m19empgMFyF6sgn-dzXxrW80PsApGRRTicorCPCgCdasuGSKxjMp8j96ZxvQPdxA-tGDxi5rZyrttxqgC/s320/freedom-1.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />March 20, 2021<p></p><p>Today is my first day on maternity leave. I actually get a year off to have my baby and I will get financial support from the Canadian government during that time. To me this is remarkable. I come from a country that does not have such a social support system and really the only thing ensured is your employer can't fire you if you take up to 6 weeks off. But you get no pay or other support. It's tragic really. </p><p>And here I find myself in Canada being given a whole year to birth and be with my baby. It's not a perfect system of course... I worked in a position that provided me enough income that the financial support I will get on maternity leave will not cripple me financially and is a basic income that I can live on. If I made any less I don't know if I could take the whole year off. </p><p>I want to document and share this process - whether it be in my vlog or blogs - I'm seeing this new stage of maternity leave/motherhood as quite an opportunity and I want to make the most of it. The only way I really do know how to make the most of it is by reflecting and sharing myself and my process within it. </p><p>So that's what I'm doing. </p><p>I am not committing myself to daily writing/publishing here but I am committing myself to consistently writing/publishing here as well as consistently sharing my vlogs so that I can, within this space, reflect and forgive and get to know and understand and give direction to myself and this new life I am entering. </p><p>Maternity leave does feel a bit like walking into an equal money system or a basic income where my time is now my own and I have the financial resources to support myself where I don't "have" to work but rather I can decide what work would be best for me to do... where are my skills most useful, where is my time served well? Obviously, I will be bringing a baby into this world and nurturing him and supporting him to grow and develop but I do not see that as a reason I must compromise my own growth and development. Clearly, my process with becoming a mother is a process and journey of growth and development of and as itself.</p><p>I do have an opportunity here to really get to know who I would be in a world where we are not forced to work to make money to survive but rather we have a real choice to decide what we want to do; how we'd like to spend our days. I'm committed to fully experiencing and expressing myself within this opportunity I now have. Granted, at this stage, it is only a year so let's make it the year's experiment.</p><p>I have not not worked since I was 15 years old. The longest time I took off in these last 20 years was 2 months when I went to South Africa ironically and learned from an environment that was similar to an equal money system where my food and boarding were taken care of and I lived and worked with others in a community setting that was designed to give one the time and space to really get to know oneself. </p><p>Here, almost 11 years later, I have another opportunity to be in such a space and I'm diving in and doing what I can to make the most of it and I will share myself, to share and to hold myself accountable, to who I am and what I'm busy with during this time. </p><p>Yes, I will be having a baby soon but that baby will greatly benefit from me ensuring I am directing myself within my utmost every single day and to me... this (writing and sharing) is part of it. </p><p>To reflect is to slow down and to see and to understand and to clear away the debris and to clearly make a way to direct myself and my life. This is who I want to be as a mother - reflective, slowing down, understanding. clear and directive. This is the example I want my child to have of who I am. </p><p>So here's to the next year of maternity leave... let's see what we can create :)</p><p><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8nbZkTJx5c6IUGzY92IEexTKY6NvubYhkCFCGjF42JgDXwcEZwWhVSzg6Iq127CwRtBLkDvqjHoAyVaX-slwff_xnSQ40KfUyLRiAAvoeRgJBScqPUKn65Ty5IrzC1DSk51BpaFUIGoeP/s500/equalmoney1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="375" data-original-width="500" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8nbZkTJx5c6IUGzY92IEexTKY6NvubYhkCFCGjF42JgDXwcEZwWhVSzg6Iq127CwRtBLkDvqjHoAyVaX-slwff_xnSQ40KfUyLRiAAvoeRgJBScqPUKn65Ty5IrzC1DSk51BpaFUIGoeP/w400-h300/equalmoney1.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;">Artwork By: <a href="https://www.facebook.com/DesteniArtists">Desteni Artists</a></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;">My <a href="https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC0IfZUlfUK6N8RgIffzIfaQ">YouTube Channel</a></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;">The </span><a href="http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/?fref=ts" style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;">Journey to Lifers</a></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;">Take Responsibility for what is HERE in/as this world, within AND without:</span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><a href="http://www.desteni.org/">Desteni</a></span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><br /><a href="http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/">DIP Lite Course</a> (FREE)</span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><br /><a href="http://www.desteniiprocess.com/">DIP Pro</a></span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><br /><a href="http://www.eqafe.com/">Eqafe</a> (Self-Perfecting interviews, books, music, etc)</span></p>Kristina Salashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13042983577743921210noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4515943698824381137.post-34619248400876409902021-03-26T11:23:00.000-06:002021-03-26T11:23:50.092-06:00687: Gestational Diabetes - Learning How to Make Mistakes<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1WQhvcYruddAXehO_lFSeye6YNzv1ffHU2xfSPq_qoPenpGfev2RsRURUcUDF2bnAYw0uZkLoC89qeAAcv9T8agX3VzHvsOGHcJ7-BfjGvZLqdyIVYooVRJjkEJ6sx2pvQZ3z_7kyg0Fn/s1488/gestational_diabetes.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1488" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1WQhvcYruddAXehO_lFSeye6YNzv1ffHU2xfSPq_qoPenpGfev2RsRURUcUDF2bnAYw0uZkLoC89qeAAcv9T8agX3VzHvsOGHcJ7-BfjGvZLqdyIVYooVRJjkEJ6sx2pvQZ3z_7kyg0Fn/s320/gestational_diabetes.png" /></a></div>January 25, 2021<p></p><p>After my last blog, a day of going into the extreme opposite of what I thought I was doing wrong (I was eating too much sugar so I cut out all sugar/carbs) and discussing my experience with my partner and a friend I realized it doesn't serve me to go into the opposite extreme either. The reality is my diet is overall balanced but there are a few minor adjustments I could make to ensure I am not overindulging in things that are not necessarily on a daily, weekly, or even monthly basis. </p><p>So - did I react to my gestational diabetes test results? Yes! Did it show me aspects of myself I was being dishonest about? Yes! Am I a horrible mom and have already fucked up my child? Of course not. </p><p>It was a hard experience - well I was being hard on myself. I felt like quite a failure, I felt ashamed and embarrassed. But in reality - I made some mistakes, I can forgive myself for it, take responsibility for it, and LEARN from what has been done. I don't need to punish myself or blame myself or judge myself or wallow in self-pity. I can stand up and become directive over/as myself to ensure I am always, in all ways, making decisions that are best for all (which starts with best for me). </p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be too hard on myself when I think I've made a mistake wherein I will judge myself and diminish myself with ideas of how bad/wrong/guilty I am for doing what I did instead of accepting the miss-takes, taking responsibility for the mistakes, and correcting the miss-takes</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as an automatic response to things I believe I've done wrong with being hard on myself in thinking and believing this is the proper way to respond to miss-takes</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself so extensively in my life without ever allowing myself to understand myself, and why I am the way that I am or why I do the things I do</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that if I'm hard on myself and diminish myself in punishing myself in various ways then that indicates I am sorry and taking responsibility for myself</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe I am a failure because I make mistakes instead of being okay with making mistakes as part of a learning process</p><p>I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be more understanding with myself when I see I've made a mistake - to treat myself like an innocent child wherein there is no blame or judgment, there is simply understanding that the child is learning and will eventually get it</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within/as a judgment in any and all forms existent within existence</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that if I make a miss-take I have to go into the extreme opposite to "Make up" for what I did instead of realizing that often small changes and adjustments need to be made rather than a whole upheaval and drastic 180-degree change</p><p>I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that if I want to go into the extreme opposite of how I was doing something that this is a red flag for me to consider if I'm reacting to something I've done and to assess if such a move is actually best</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be embarrassed and ashamed for mistakes I make instead of embracing and sharing the lessons I learn as the real value to all I do</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not focus on the lessons I learn when making mistakes rather than focusing in on what I've done wrong</p><p>I forgive myself that I haven't yet accepted and allowed myself to give myself space and time to assess who I am/was in the actions I took before I decided to act/move into an apparent solution</p><p>I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize how much I am able to still SLOW DOWN before I speak, move or even think</p><p>When and as I see myself judging and blaming myself harshly for things I've done, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that I have a tendency to overreact in judgment towards myself and think and believe punishment is the way for me to correct what I've done instead of realizing that only through taking responsibility and forgiving myself for what I did can I, in fact, learn and make the miss-take valuable in my life and so I commit myself to not be so quick to judge myself for miss-takes and rather see where I can change myself in the future so that each miss-take becomes a reference/guide on my journey to self-awareness and doing what is best for me/all</p><p>I commit myself to wave the red flag for myself if I move to the extreme opposite of something in my attempt to correct/change myself/my behavior</p><p>I commit myself to slow myself down when assessing miss-takes I've made so that I don't jump to a solution that may only be compromising</p><p>I commit myself to take the time to understand myself more</p><p>I commit myself to be more patient with myself</p><p>I commit myself to practice self-honesty</p><p>I commit myself to investigate who I am when I make miss-takes so that I can see the misalignments that require my attention and direction</p><p>I commit myself to practice balance rather an overcompensation</p><p><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgA23h6moTzH12X3pitEUpr8vjLfSnNARahrpmYJL60OL9l-JuBbAScaIcl1fOJVpzjFujGk7FW8uaa0OU_wN-pNmENq4a7DrbSTtjxqpqxNxzknjs2MNPRMp27chyphenhyphenejR7zosWUby51-7Yo/s800/manifested-consequence+%25281%2529.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="800" data-original-width="800" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgA23h6moTzH12X3pitEUpr8vjLfSnNARahrpmYJL60OL9l-JuBbAScaIcl1fOJVpzjFujGk7FW8uaa0OU_wN-pNmENq4a7DrbSTtjxqpqxNxzknjs2MNPRMp27chyphenhyphenejR7zosWUby51-7Yo/w400-h400/manifested-consequence+%25281%2529.png" width="400" /></a></div><p><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;">Artwork By: <a href="https://www.facebook.com/DesteniArtists">Desteni Artists</a></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;">My <a href="https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC0IfZUlfUK6N8RgIffzIfaQ">YouTube Channel</a></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;">The </span><a href="http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/?fref=ts" style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;">Journey to Lifers</a></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;">Take Responsibility for what is HERE in/as this world, within AND without:</span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><a href="http://www.desteni.org/">Desteni</a></span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><br /><a href="http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/">DIP Lite Course</a> (FREE)</span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><br /><a href="http://www.desteniiprocess.com/">DIP Pro</a></span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><br /><a href="http://www.eqafe.com/">Eqafe</a> (Self-Perfecting interviews, books, music, etc)</span></p>Kristina Salashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13042983577743921210noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4515943698824381137.post-61177822668620440762021-03-24T11:37:00.001-06:002021-03-24T11:44:39.133-06:00686: Gestational Diabetes Test - Getting Real with Myself<p><br />January 21, 2021</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZm2wMbYgEMCmem7b7n7KBL5NGvaYfbnijy0TxEFUe9oS760I_MkSzuSVtBRCzgb9FveLP0U-ZlYbTrWXfPKsjwXegBbiHsen7hZSt7nt7T41Q4OlRHce5Yhbao3FdVGN3O6DYtICRGJpn/s550/sugaraddictintro.jpeg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="332" data-original-width="550" height="241" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZm2wMbYgEMCmem7b7n7KBL5NGvaYfbnijy0TxEFUe9oS760I_MkSzuSVtBRCzgb9FveLP0U-ZlYbTrWXfPKsjwXegBbiHsen7hZSt7nt7T41Q4OlRHce5Yhbao3FdVGN3O6DYtICRGJpn/w400-h241/sugaraddictintro.jpeg" width="400" /></a></div><p></p><p>Today I got a call from my midwife with the results of my gestational diabetes test results. The result was high so I have to take a 2nd test. If that test comes back high I will have to see a dietician to attempt to get my blood sugar under control. If that doesn't work I may have to take insulin. </p><p>This was not good news for me though I anticipated these results while simultaneously wanting to deny them. My sugar tooth has been getting the best of me, my family had a history of diabetes and something within me wanted to take that test. </p><p>Now I consider the reason I wanted to take that test was to attempt to slow myself down from the sugar I was consuming. I wouldn't say my diet was so out of whack lately but for me, I was consuming much more sugar than I normally do/would. </p><p>But the only thing I ever did to attempt to balance it was ensuring I had a green smoothie as often as possible or a salad as much as I could. In reality, I was justifying my actions within eating/how I was consuming food. </p><p>The call today and the results that are now in really brought home the fact that I have been eating from my mind and not from what is actually best for my body. This is quite interesting because I just had a brief conversation with some others about this point of eating more intuitively rather than what you "think" you should eat such as a specific diet. </p><p>I have been eating more emotionally - things that I like, that taste good to me, that fill me up not just physically, but emotionally as well but not that I necessarily consider or ask, "Is this the best thing for my body?"</p><p>So a wake-up call for me, a shake-up, a slap in the face if you will. I am disappointed in myself and maybe even taking the results a little personal and judging myself for the results - thinking and believing I've done something wrong, I've failed, I'm already a "bad mother." In reality - I can simply see in self-honesty I wasn't directing myself within my best ability to ensure I was eating what was not only best for me, but for the baby as well. </p><p>And this is not to say high carb/sugary foods are "bad" and should be avoided at all costs - it's a simple point of self-honesty. Could I have eaten less sugary foods and more vegetables? Could I have tuned more into my body and ask it what IT needs... what it requires in the moment rather than just going for the quick fix of something that tastes good but doesn't offer much as far as nutritional value?</p><p>So I wasn't doing my best and I wasn't being self-honest about that. And perhaps I took this test to get myself to take notice, slow down, and consider the consequences of my actions. </p><p>*Also I' will note here that I've now learned that diet doesn't play a role in triggering gestational diabetes. It has to do with the placenta and its productions of hormones and how that can interfere with the body's ability to regulate its blood sugar. So while this whole experience allowed me to realize I wasn't being my best within what I was eating, my eating did not cause me to have gestational diabetes. </p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consume food during my pregnancy without any acknowledgment or awareness of what the foods are doing to my body and baby</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress my awareness within the foods I was eating wherein I just "wanted that I wanted" in terms of food and didn't care to consider the consequences</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use food to feel good instead of using it in the most practical ways which are to nourish and support my body</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use pregnancy as an excuse to eat whatever I want in thinking and believing I'm going to gain weight anyway I might as well enjoy the ride</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be selfish in my decision to not be directive about what I was eating and just eat whatever I wanted in terms of whatever would taste the best and so make me feel the best</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for being a bad mom for not giving more direction to what I have been eating in this pregnancy</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify eating way more sugar than I'm used to because I'm "craving it" when in reality I seemed to simply let go of all self-regulation</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think only about what I want in terms of food and not how the food will affect not only my body but my baby as well</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to sugary foods</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to need a consequence to remind me that I am responsible for my actions</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rather have consequence tell me what to do than to see, realize, and understand what is best for me to do and then do that</p><p>I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to embrace principles that are truly best for me </p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel ashamed of who I've been in relation to food during my pregnancy</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to the results of my gestational diabetes test as judging and defining myself as a failure and a fuck up</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel embarrassed for having to take the gestational diabetes test again because I think and believe I've done something wrong </p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to make mistakes so much so to the point that if I do make a mistake, I would rather deny it than take responsibility for it</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to need the potential of having to take insulin as the reason I finally decide to make better decisions about the foods I eat during my pregnancy</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to hide out in food </p><p>I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to practice more intuitively eating such as actually giving myself a moment to ask my body what it needs to eat in a moment instead of just reaching for the thing that will give me the quickest fix of the best feeling</p><p> I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that that which I seek in fulfilling a positive feeling for myself usually ends up harming my physical body in the end</p><p>I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand the opportunity I have to get to know and actually form a realationship with my body where I can communicate with my body when it comes to the food I eat</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself in the moment of checking in with my body to see what it needs to eat to support itself in thinking and believing I will just end up fucking with myself</p><p>I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I cannot develop a relationship with my body unless I start to practice my communication - speaking and listening - with my body</p><p>When and as I see myself just wanting a quick fix of something sugary to feel good, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that this quick action without awareness OR self-honesty can lead to consequences I am not willing to live with and so I commit myself to take responsibility for myself and the decisions I am making when it comes to food - in taking into account not only myself but also my body and my baby and what is, in fact, best for all three points</p><p>When and as I see myself suppressing my self-honesty in terms of seeing who I am in relation to my food choices, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that I am only creating more consequences for myself and in the end, I will have a rude awakening that will shock me and slap me in the face and so to prevent that I will rather be REAL and self-honest with myself and so I commit myself to practice getting real with myself as doing what is actually best for me and stop putting off the inevitable which is to face myself and my self-honesty of who I am in all that I do</p><p>I commit myself to redefining this relationship I have with my body starting with how I choose the foods I eat as beginning to check in with my body to see what will best serve and nourish my body and so actually best serve and nourish me</p><p><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjd3sGZTIeX0eDd-MRIJKMnquCUZo287Ptk6rD4wRpPb19GmZWCrr6xDQR-whghzZeHeLsWebc1a_nSI6fsj71514UoGHjqJ20AVffrloKfn_8CjOBRXz2KMZ6pajxjilxySzjLPPvYA00l/s500/full_the-solution-of-life.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="500" data-original-width="390" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjd3sGZTIeX0eDd-MRIJKMnquCUZo287Ptk6rD4wRpPb19GmZWCrr6xDQR-whghzZeHeLsWebc1a_nSI6fsj71514UoGHjqJ20AVffrloKfn_8CjOBRXz2KMZ6pajxjilxySzjLPPvYA00l/w313-h400/full_the-solution-of-life.jpg" width="313" /></a></div><p><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;">Artwork By: <a href="https://andrewgableart.com/" target="_blank">Andrew Gable</a></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;">My <a href="https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC0IfZUlfUK6N8RgIffzIfaQ">YouTube Channel</a></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;">The </span><a href="http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/?fref=ts" style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;">Journey to Lifers</a></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;">Take Responsibility for what is HERE in/as this world, within AND without:</span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><a href="http://www.desteni.org/">Desteni</a></span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><br /><a href="http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/">DIP Lite Course</a> (FREE)</span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><br /><a href="http://www.desteniiprocess.com/">DIP Pro</a></span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><br /><a href="http://www.eqafe.com/">Eqafe</a> (Self-Perfecting interviews, books, music, etc)</span></p>Kristina Salashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13042983577743921210noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4515943698824381137.post-85910248973211557402021-03-23T10:45:00.004-06:002021-03-23T11:02:00.311-06:00685: A Perfect Opportunity to Align with Life<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKhQwUfyi6t4c8cemGMTsiPsreZZ8HxPUaIzXiszORC3090D-JZgdbCJsXitNPOCRbCboOyuz0GCE_M2fqXVKMcCSZ5cJXOKPjUREt4fyfMeQ75uibmihRVt_gjciXqNtzxLjwTACTzm3L/s1024/breath.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="683" data-original-width="1024" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKhQwUfyi6t4c8cemGMTsiPsreZZ8HxPUaIzXiszORC3090D-JZgdbCJsXitNPOCRbCboOyuz0GCE_M2fqXVKMcCSZ5cJXOKPjUREt4fyfMeQ75uibmihRVt_gjciXqNtzxLjwTACTzm3L/s320/breath.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>January 17, 2021<p></p><p>Tonight my partner asked me to assist him with a drawing he was doing - I was to be the model posing for him so he had a subject to draw. </p><p>I really did not want to do it. I had worked all day, I was tired, we just finished eating... I just wanted to do "my stuff" for a while. I didn't like the idea of sitting there and not being able to look at something or read something... basically, I wanted to be able to "do" something while I was sitting there but really he just needed me to sit there. </p><p>I did it despite really not wanting to do it. I dragged my feet all the way to his studio. </p><p>Once I sat down I realized what a wonderful opportunity I had before me to sit and just breathe. BREATHING is what I could do. And it was awesome because I have been listening to an <a href="https://eqafe.com/p/breath-compilation">Eqafe bundle</a> about breathing so it was the perfect moment to allow me to do just that... breathe. </p><p>I learned many, many years ago about the importance of breath, with the most simple point of it being a point of you being aware of your actual life force. Breath is what sustains your life at the most foundational level and so being aware of your breath is being aware of yourself as LIFE. And how often do we run around this Life without having any clue we are breathing at all. </p><p>Breathing is taught to calm yourself down, to give yourself space to reconsider actions and words, to let go of certain things. Breathing is an amazing tool and has been crucial for my own process of grounding and stabilizing in the past 11+ years. </p><p>What I'm learning again recently is that while it may be impossible at this stage to be aware of yourself in every moment of your breath. the point is to start PRACTICING your breathing in these moments of opportunity when they present themselves. Such as sitting for your partner so he can do a drawing. Or watching television or taking a bath or sitting on the bus, or driving or cooking dinner or listening to a podcast or going to sleep. We have so many moments in our day where we have the opportunity to actually ALIGN with our actual life force! </p><p>This is also a cool point for considering my last few blogs/days where I have been facing this separation I've created in relation to my body where I have oh so much limited the reality of what my body actually is to being that of only an image. When in fact it's alive. It's what GIVES me life through/as the breath. And I can be actively participating in that process of giving myself life - I can stand WITH my body and support myself within my own body to breathe. That's a pretty awesome point - standing EQUAL to and ONE with my physical body. </p><p>If breath is what and where life is, where am I when I'm not aware of my breathing? We should all know the answer to this. We are running rampant in our minds - creating conflict, casting judgment, forming opinions, and placing ourselves as more or less than others. We are quite busy when we are not breathing and I can't help but wonder what humans could be if they started breathing just a little bit more. </p><p>How many arguments, stress, worry, bickering, blaming, victimizing, fear could be prevented? If we just allowed ourselves some time in the day to stop and breathe and just be. Be here with the body, with the breath, with ourselves as life.</p><p>So it was a cool moment for me tonight. I resisted just "sitting there" but when I changed my perspective and realized that OPPORTUNITY I had to be with my body, observe myself, my thoughts, feelings, and emotions, I was nurturing my self-awareness, my self-presence, and my ability to DIRECT myself in such moments. I was nurturing my Life.</p><p>Thanks, Andrew for making me pose for your drawing. And thanks Kelly for sharing the Eqafe Bundle about Breathing. And thanks Desteni for providing me the education of a lifetime. And thank you body for BREATHING for me when I am not present and for allowing me to stand WITH you when I do join in the process. I commit to more moments of standing WITH you, body/breath/LIFE. </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLlPi2GXdZiiGaxl4JzV22CP6Jkp563gHtpDguO51SUPDmXDRvugzOqj9ThuETfHHe-xYNZ9XFoEDfizK8dPf13WDhV7hX0jYtoDA-SDZcskFi5_mc9YU5eCg1NkADSr4Cd5bijyBOSDpC/s400/who+i+am+as+breath.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="400" data-original-width="301" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLlPi2GXdZiiGaxl4JzV22CP6Jkp563gHtpDguO51SUPDmXDRvugzOqj9ThuETfHHe-xYNZ9XFoEDfizK8dPf13WDhV7hX0jYtoDA-SDZcskFi5_mc9YU5eCg1NkADSr4Cd5bijyBOSDpC/w301-h400/who+i+am+as+breath.jpg" width="301" /></a></div><br /><p>Artwork by: <a href="https://eqafe.com/p/breath-compilation">Kelly Posey</a></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;">My <a href="https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC0IfZUlfUK6N8RgIffzIfaQ">YouTube Channel</a></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;">The </span><a href="http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/?fref=ts" style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;">Journey to Lifers</a></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;">Take Responsibility for what is HERE in/as this world, within AND without:</span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><a href="http://www.desteni.org/">Desteni</a></span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><br /><a href="http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/">DIP Lite Course</a> (FREE)</span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><br /><a href="http://www.desteniiprocess.com/">DIP Pro</a></span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><br /><a href="http://www.eqafe.com/">Eqafe</a> (Self-Perfecting interviews, books, music, etc)</span></p>Kristina Salashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13042983577743921210noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4515943698824381137.post-39312248792399109132021-03-22T12:28:00.000-06:002021-03-22T12:28:09.735-06:00684: My Body is All Wrong<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkjlB54kFlMPj8XFwtPlmb_f4Y16qUfciWh_g0A19gYWLIc4QElFRYuxukOeMEIDH3-LjJJ1Tlcvvhu12wl5xTiY_IEWX3fJ4QyqiyaE1bSJHXNWxFwV3TQdLsMGCuhVBDSXq2aLNjpw9J/s528/self+image.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="360" data-original-width="528" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkjlB54kFlMPj8XFwtPlmb_f4Y16qUfciWh_g0A19gYWLIc4QElFRYuxukOeMEIDH3-LjJJ1Tlcvvhu12wl5xTiY_IEWX3fJ4QyqiyaE1bSJHXNWxFwV3TQdLsMGCuhVBDSXq2aLNjpw9J/s320/self+image.jpg" width="320" /></a></div> January 16, 2021<div><br /></div><div>As a first-time pregnant woman I've heard about the infamous unsolicited comments and advice that come from others - and I've even read ways in which to not react to them. I just got my first such comment that kind of rattled me lol<p></p><p>I shared a picture of my 6 month-pregnancy belly and someone mentioned it seemed big for "only six months" and asked if I was sure it wasn't twins. </p><p>I definitely had a reaction to these words, even though I KNOW it is a big belly for 6 months lol I have had the same sentiment. I have compared my belly to other women I've seen and mine definitely seems to be on the bigger end. But what can I do? I mean I am 6 months, there is 1 baby and my bump is what it looks like. </p><p>So why judge or define it as "too big" or "too small" or even "just right"? </p><p>I reacted to this person's word and thought, "you're not supposed to say that to a pregnant woman!" But the truth is, I had already said it to myself. </p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get upset when someone said my belly seemed too big for being "only 6 months" because I think and believe there's something wrong with my belly size</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get upset with someone who said, "You must be having twins" as feeling insecure for how big I've gotten and how far along I'm not in the pregnancy</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe there are certain things you are not supposed to say to a pregnant woman just because others have said you are not supposed to say it to a pregnant woman instead of letting myself make up my own mind about who I am in a moment of hearing anything from anyone realizing I don't have to take things personally and I can take responsibility for myself and my experience to other's words</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like I should be ashamed or insecure about the size of my belly</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe everyone thinks the same thing as this person that said my stomach seemed "too big" and think and believe they were all lying when they said I looked great</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel ashamed and want to take my picture down so others can't judge me</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe I am ugly and too big and I've done something wrong</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like a victim to my experience in relation to how I'm growing</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel out of control in relation to how my body is growing </p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to blame X for making a comment to me that makes me feel bad about myself instead of realizing I already felt this about myself before the comment and it is my responsibility to address this judgment</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that if I'm of bigger size then I am somehow a lesser human and who I am become is unwanted and disregarded and dismissed</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I have less value because I'm getting bigger </p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I live in a world that does not value the body for what it IS but rather what it looks like </p><p>I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to value my body for what it does rather than what it looks like</p><p>I forgive myself I have not accepted and allowed myself to love my body for what it is doing for me every single second of my life where it is ensuring my ability to be here and to live and to express</p><p>I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to focus on the function of my body in how it is adapting to my growing uterus and providing space for my child to come into this world</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take advantage of what my body does for me on so many levels</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that who a person depends so much on how they look</p><p>I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand how every single BODY in this world is of the utmost value simply by how it functions and serves each person alive in actually giving and supporting LIFE</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my body to the extent I have </p><p>I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize how much abuse my body has taken from me over the years in constantly thinking it doesn't live up to "what it's supposed to look like"</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe there is only 1 way my body is supposed to look and anything that does not fit that image I react to and ultimately judge as failing</p><p>I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand how I've been failing my body in not giving it the support and respect it requires through honoring it and being grateful for what it's doing for me in any moment</p><p>When and as I see myself judging myself for the size of my body - pregnant or not - I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that there is not 1 way my body is supposed to look and there is not one size all bodies should be as a standard, and in thinking and believing my body is "supposed" to look a certain way I am missing the very point OF my physical body which is how it functions and supports my very LIFE in every single moment of my life and so I commit myself to focus in on what my body does for me, as to how it serves me in supporting my body to be ALIVE, rather than what it looks like and whether or not that looks "right" or "wrong"</p><p>I commit myself to realize, see, and understand there is no right or wrong body type</p><p>I commit myself to see, realize and understand that I am responsible for my emotions and feelings</p><p>I commit myself to change my relationship with my body to be more beneficial and supportive</p><p>I commit myself to not take others words towards me personally</p><p>I commit myself to not blame others for what they say to me and rather take responsibility for what I say to myself</p><p>I commit myself to not fear sharing myself and how I look</p><p>I commit myself to face my fears as what others may think about me by sharing myself as openly as I can</p><p>I commit myself to value, love, and appreciate my physical body in its entirety, every day, in all ways</p><p><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhOmtYuXaL67D7gexCRtkZjyxJuWb4CXhRmnGo3cf_IjTB3CtxPMX4MX5mhXbsaf6c1JwyAwEACurLKYjn6Bbqzpw_E29VT2rUuTeYpilDeYu2czD2B6YfUS5jwE8sbkylS9yrO4m1W9HP/s960/uil-forgive.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="720" data-original-width="960" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhOmtYuXaL67D7gexCRtkZjyxJuWb4CXhRmnGo3cf_IjTB3CtxPMX4MX5mhXbsaf6c1JwyAwEACurLKYjn6Bbqzpw_E29VT2rUuTeYpilDeYu2czD2B6YfUS5jwE8sbkylS9yrO4m1W9HP/w400-h300/uil-forgive.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><p><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;">My <a href="https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC0IfZUlfUK6N8RgIffzIfaQ">YouTube Channel</a></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;">The </span><a href="http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/?fref=ts" style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;">Journey to Lifers</a></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;">Take Responsibility for what is HERE in/as this world, within AND without:</span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><a href="http://www.desteni.org/">Desteni</a></span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><br /><a href="http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/">DIP Lite Course</a> (FREE)</span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><br /><a href="http://www.desteniiprocess.com/">DIP Pro</a></span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><br /><a href="http://www.eqafe.com/">Eqafe</a> (Self-Perfecting interviews, books, music, etc)</span></p></div>Kristina Salashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13042983577743921210noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4515943698824381137.post-51543638312943100272021-01-25T22:10:00.003-06:002021-03-22T12:24:31.563-06:00683: Pregnant, Feeling Fat and Cutting Myself Off from a Whole Reality<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAiAyfSyvsZtKPl0C9YzJhMhGLkZS8i6zMV7yPGIcKbHZE4BqX5raDUrvWC2BO_XX9_y7JIZs9bNnW5dAjvLI5Wjhg1BA6v7revI_Sfkq4NbvDIN7OKmULLWFm38KQZAZ70A3btQ4-EXeq/s1200/pregnant.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="602" data-original-width="1200" height="201" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAiAyfSyvsZtKPl0C9YzJhMhGLkZS8i6zMV7yPGIcKbHZE4BqX5raDUrvWC2BO_XX9_y7JIZs9bNnW5dAjvLI5Wjhg1BA6v7revI_Sfkq4NbvDIN7OKmULLWFm38KQZAZ70A3btQ4-EXeq/w400-h201/pregnant.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />January 15, 2021 - For those that don't know, I'm pregnant! As I write I am just about 27 weeks pregnant and just about to enter into the third trimester. I have been sharing weekly pregnancy updates since probably week 7 - with all the various changes one goes through, mentally/emotionally and physically. Today I just recorded my <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HYvUbMxjS_g" target="_blank">week 24-26 update </a>and noticed a clear difference in my experience. <p></p><p></p><p>First of all it took 3 attempts to get the recording... I tried out some new lighting in my partner's studio that I didn't like so I decided to record again in my normal spot in the house. We got a new mic situation but I forgot to turn it on so there was no audio on the 15 minute recording. Finally, I got the third recording done, in the spot I wanted to record in, with the new audio working and as I uploaded the video to my computer to start the editing process... I hated what I saw. A dimly lit, "fat and ugly" me. </p><p>I am not as eager to share this recording. I will because I am determined to transcend this ego of mine where I define myself according to how I look. but I'll tell ya, it's not easy. Obviously, pregnancy comes with a lot of changes - including weight gain and that's not just in the belly area. I mean maybe for some it is, but it's not for me. I am gaining weight all over my body and despite knowing my body is doing everything it's supposed to be doing to ensure a healthy and alive child, I am still in judgment of it for the way it looks. </p><p>Which is actually quite shameful. </p><p>While my body is doing all the work - growing and stretching and making room and allocating the resources to ensure the baby has it's oxygen and blood supply and food supply - I am cringing at how my face/body looks. Clearly this is not conducive to who I want to accept and allow myself to be and that's why self-forgiveness is necessary. </p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as fat and ugly in my pregnancy update vlog</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to care more about the way that I look in my vlog then who I am in my vlog and more importantly who I am in relation to my body which is doing all the work to ensure the human developing within me is healthy</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate myself because of the way I look at the moment in my pregnancy wherein I define myself as ugly because I've put on weight instead of removing the value from how I look and putting it where it belongs in who I am, as my thoughts, words and deeds</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe others will see me as fat and judge me as ugly in my new pregnancy update vlog instead of realizing that I'm actually the one judging me</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to count so much on how I physically look as a defining point of who I am - to actually want others to see and think I'm pretty as if that matters one bit in this world</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in make believe such as the way one looks matters</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear gaining weight and being defined as fat</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that my relationship to my physical body - the way it looks and it's size, and thus the value I put on that is completely preprogrammed according to the society and CULTure I live in - it is not even my own choice to exist this way, I was programmed to exist this way, to value this and so I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to question and challenge this delusional thinking that is irrational and has no place in actual reality as far as what really matters</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to care at all about what I look like instead of investing all of myself into who I am and ensure that who I am is of integrity</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see such a small reality of what my body actually is as it's size and how it looks instead of realizing and seeing and becoming aware of it's entirety being an actual universe unto itself</p><p>I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand how I've cut myself form the actual reality of my physical body as a physical universe and all the dimensions and functions and purpose of it because I only consider the 1 dimension of how it looks/the size</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself through judging myself as my body and locking myself out from the actual reality of my body in every moment as what it actually does and how it actually exists and what it is actually expressing</p><p>I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see DEEPER than the surface of my physical body - to see what exists beneath the top layer that shows such a small fraction of what is actually here</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project my self-limitations of who I really am unto my body by seeing it in such a limited reality instead of its full potential and expression</p><p>I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that who I am in relation to my body is who I am in relation to myself and what my relationship to my body is showing me is that I have abused and neglected and diminished my true potential and capabilities</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to diminish and limit myself according to ideas about who I am </p><p>I forgive myself that I have never accepted and allowed myself to see the REAL me, beyond the surface, beyond the image, within myself as the very essence of who I am as that which is the LIFE of me which can be found/aligned with through/as breath</p><p>I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to align myself with actual LIFE through breathing and rather give attention and space to my mind as thoughts, pictures, ideas, definitions of who I'm supposed to be according to the society and culture I was raised in</p><p>I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to remove every single aspect of me that was programmed as that which I never decided on my own to be but simply accepted as myself because I was told "that's how it's supposed to be" or "that's just the way it is"</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept a society where it judges people according to the way that they look </p><p>When and as I see myself judging myself as fat or ugly or having any reactions towards the way I physically look, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize and understand that this is such a limited existence I am accepting and allowing and that my body is SO MUCH MORE than what I see and that I am in fact projecting my own limited self-definitions onto my body and so I commit myself to take self-responsibility for my own self-imposed and self-accepted self-limitations and to NOT project it unto my body and to rather practice seeing my body for REAL which is all dimensions, all functions, all purpose and all effort it is giving unconditionally to give me the opportunity and space to BE HERE and REALIZE my mistakes and the potential to change my ways. </p><p>I commit myself to take the opportunity my body as provided me by removing all that which is programmed from my CULTure and society and to decide to express only that which is actually best for all </p><p>I commit myself to stop defining myself according to my looks and to rather work on myself as my thoughts, words and deeds as what actually MATTERS</p><p>I commit myself to challenging and questioning any thoughts/reactions within me that suggest I am somehow limited or defined by a look or image</p><p>I commit myself to walking through the fear of others judgments in realizing it's coming from myself</p><p>I commit myself to spite my judgments by sharing myself openly </p><p>I commit myself to not fear being seen in any way as I practice seeing myself for real</p><p>I commit myself to expanding myself as the reality of me and so seeing and understanding the reality of my body</p><p>I commit myself to honoring my body of what it actually is and what it actually does</p><p><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTLuMmLl-YYi1d0UnbJY8VZGPGFTbw3OERnB-GHoiPlEvuwnv29RTODhsRc3WO5ks2dURUUYb4WbS8S_o2L3qofmsEqZ9MoumszRjkYYtRtbPJLaim_WO9elfb_k9Q_6VvkgrbercOfoYS/s336/Existence.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="336" data-original-width="257" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTLuMmLl-YYi1d0UnbJY8VZGPGFTbw3OERnB-GHoiPlEvuwnv29RTODhsRc3WO5ks2dURUUYb4WbS8S_o2L3qofmsEqZ9MoumszRjkYYtRtbPJLaim_WO9elfb_k9Q_6VvkgrbercOfoYS/w306-h400/Existence.jpg" width="306" /></a></div><p><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;">My <a href="https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC0IfZUlfUK6N8RgIffzIfaQ">YouTube Channel</a></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;">The </span><a href="http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/?fref=ts" style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;">Journey to Lifers</a></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;">Take Responsibility for what is HERE in/as this world, within AND without:</span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><a href="http://www.desteni.org/">Desteni</a></span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><br /><a href="http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/">DIP Lite Course</a> (FREE)</span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><br /><a href="http://www.desteniiprocess.com/">DIP Pro</a></span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><br /><a href="http://www.eqafe.com/">Eqafe</a> (Self-Perfecting interviews, books, music, etc)</span></p>Kristina Salashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13042983577743921210noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4515943698824381137.post-71847269177272407552021-01-17T21:56:00.003-06:002021-01-17T21:56:30.778-06:00682: The Wrath of My Silent Treatment<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOqrg2buh-2jSY9s1JamnAGCsoRGDww99ewUfyONzLRe9ZSwzjj8-d6tBSeygESnWWJJuWJWuOlwq2ehm12dbrOw0VrDJVH8JxwjdvMf0ykjm_DpLg1j5UQxCk1_D9XtLQtHR954Il4Qy8/s347/giving-silent-treatment.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="218" data-original-width="347" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOqrg2buh-2jSY9s1JamnAGCsoRGDww99ewUfyONzLRe9ZSwzjj8-d6tBSeygESnWWJJuWJWuOlwq2ehm12dbrOw0VrDJVH8JxwjdvMf0ykjm_DpLg1j5UQxCk1_D9XtLQtHR954Il4Qy8/s320/giving-silent-treatment.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />Continuing from <a href="https://equalitywalk.blogspot.com/2021/01/681-when-others-take-their-frustrations.html">my last blog</a>... the next day I noticed the point mentioned previously was still present within me. There was spite existing within me in relation to this person that "took their frustrations out on me." The next day when communicating with her, I hardly spoke. This is often my choice of punishment towards someone I think have wronged me. I shut down and stop engaging with them. Or the classic silent treatment as my partner would call it. <p></p><p>That's what I was doing - I was giving this person the silent treatment because they "wronged" me. I knew while I was allowing it that is was really unacceptable - because I realized the frustrations they were having wasn't personal, it wasn't about me YET I took it personally, made it about me, victimized myself within it and decided to punish them with my silence. Apparently I believe this will "teach them a lesson." </p><p>Really all it does is perpetuate a state of conflict, a state of victimization, a state of blame, a state of a power struggle, a state of war essentially. They threw the first bomb and now I was attacking back. Maybe not as loud or as obvious, but within me I could see who I was - I was existing within/as spite.</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe it is acceptable to exist within/as spite</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to default into spite when I feel someone has wronged me</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within/as spite towards others when I think and believe someone did something to me that I take personally</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, in existing in spite towards another, for "attacking me," submit myself to the energy game of the mind </p><p>I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to give myself other solutions to when I feel attacked or assaulted by another instead of automatically reverting to spite as a solution</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe giving someone the silent treatment is an effective way to solve the problem of how i think another treated me wrongly and to punish them, I stop engaging with them</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want another to feel bad for how they treated me by going into silent treatment</p><p>I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that me going into silent treatment towards another because of how they "wronged" me is me essentially suppressing myself and FEARING to be direct with them in how their words had an impact me or even how I see their words were a reaction based on their own frustrations and not on me</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I am doing anyone any good by using the silent treatment to prove a point instead of realizing that in trying to prove a point I've already missed the point because I am acting in a RE-action rather than living a solution that doesn't perpetuate a state of conflict and blame</p><p>I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to take responsibility for my own reactions in how I respond to others - such as using silent treatment to spite another - just like I would like others to take responsibility for their own reactions</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect others to take responsibility for their reactions yet not be willing to take responsibility for my own</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed spite to exist within me in any form in realizing that if it's accepted and allowed within me then it's equally accepted and allowed in this world</p><p>I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that the nature of spite is dangerous and if I allow it, the world can allow it and I already see what it does in the world </p><p>I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to take responsibility in stopping ALL spite within and as me</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel powerful as spite because I think and believe that I'm actually weak and I need spite to be stronger to face and dominate others</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use spite as a weapon to harm others</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe it's my responsibility to teach others lesson about their "Bad behavior" instead of realizing that my responsibilities exists within me and ensuring I am causing no harm, no spite, no deception, no judgment - it all must stop within/as me</p><p>I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see how the nature of me is reflected as the nature of this world and so clearly I have a lot of cleaning up to do</p><p>I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize the extent of my responsibility and how far it actually goes</p><p>When and as I see myself spiting another with the silent treatment because of how they treated me or spoke to me, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand the destruction of spite and how because I allow it to exist within/as me I am equally allowing it to exist within/as this world and so I commit myself to find other solutions that does not perpetuate the world we have but rather creates a world that's best for all</p><p>I commit myself to stop spiting others and start understanding others instead as do unto another as you would have done to you</p><p>I commit myself to stop creating war with spite</p><p>I commit myself to stop playing games with the silent treatment and rather learn to speak directly</p><p>I commit myself to stop manipulating others with the silent treatment</p><p>I commit myself to stop trying to teach others a lesson with the silent treatment</p><p>I commit myself to practice communicating more directly what I see</p><p>I commit myself to stop participating in the mind energy games of reactions</p><p><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmONgbvHXAV_4744Rjucsrl6r8aKjshpKgpiiw25kfI2v9kBDP1tYedx7DBFfO5bLtRyFN2AP-jxedVZccBnoLUVj_4E3P4MWr6bgd9M7e2Xzgf-os2c9HcSuTSIVxgL0l_DghWPOzJV6_/s1028/joe_thumb.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="772" data-original-width="1028" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmONgbvHXAV_4744Rjucsrl6r8aKjshpKgpiiw25kfI2v9kBDP1tYedx7DBFfO5bLtRyFN2AP-jxedVZccBnoLUVj_4E3P4MWr6bgd9M7e2Xzgf-os2c9HcSuTSIVxgL0l_DghWPOzJV6_/w640-h480/joe_thumb.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><p><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;">My <a href="https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC0IfZUlfUK6N8RgIffzIfaQ">YouTube Channel</a></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;">The </span><a href="http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/?fref=ts" style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;">Journey to Lifers</a></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;">Take Responsibility for what is HERE in/as this world, within AND without:</span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><a href="http://www.desteni.org/">Desteni</a></span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><br /><a href="http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/">DIP Lite Course</a> (FREE)</span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><br /><a href="http://www.desteniiprocess.com/">DIP Pro</a></span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><br /><a href="http://www.eqafe.com/">Eqafe</a> (Self-Perfecting interviews, books, music, etc)</span></p>Kristina Salashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13042983577743921210noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4515943698824381137.post-29111575278689997352021-01-16T00:05:00.004-06:002021-01-16T00:07:59.591-06:00681: When Others Take Their Frustrations out on You<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggHDXLIszazrcNekHIbX3EMsDlGgfTPj6ZBQRjCMqMoD-zKOUhJHk1g7DC1xOghJBoJcIWHEYPGT8xronAxKF3l76qYsSpxZENJ-7tj7AL-yHEOkitc8TjC1ybicOC3I0snFebJ0mSKUkV/s800/Conflict-Resolution-Tips-Workplace.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="500" data-original-width="800" height="250" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggHDXLIszazrcNekHIbX3EMsDlGgfTPj6ZBQRjCMqMoD-zKOUhJHk1g7DC1xOghJBoJcIWHEYPGT8xronAxKF3l76qYsSpxZENJ-7tj7AL-yHEOkitc8TjC1ybicOC3I0snFebJ0mSKUkV/w400-h250/Conflict-Resolution-Tips-Workplace.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />Today at work I had an interesting experience with someone. I work from home at the moment, for a law firm and I am constantly communicating with other law offices/legal assistants. This particular email communication with another legal assistant from a different law office was interesting because in almost 4 years of working in this firm/industry, I have yet to have someone be so outwardly rude to me.<p></p><p>After her, I will call "outburst", I responded simply and to the point what our objective was and left it at that. But within me there was much more happening. Working in law one learns to stick to the point, communicate directly, don't included unnecessary information in the discussion and so that is what I did. But inside I was so shocked and surprised in a way. And after the communication ended I kept thinking about her email/outburst. </p><p>And 10 minutes went by and I was still experiencing myself as startled and even assaulted in a way. There was this humming of a vibration in my chest where clearly emotions were moving within me. I was composed on the outside but inside my boat was a rocking.</p><p>So as I noticed myself continuing to participate in thoughts in my mind that were like potential "play outs" of our interaction, for example if I had responded a different way or how her communication would look down the road if it ever ended up in court, or just going back over what she said and how I responded... I decided I needed to slow myself down, breathe and attempt to let go of this reaction. </p><p>And while yes I was reacting I was also seeing some cool points of consideration that supported me to let it go. I could see in her words how she felt overwhelmed with her own work load and was projecting that frustration out on me. I could see that she was embarrassed for implying she did not have some information she did actually have - I could see that what she was saying in an email directed to me was not actually about me. I was simply the person she was taking her frustrations out on. And this realization helped me to stop and let go. She also eventually wrote back apologizing for "being rude" as she put it and I did my best to let it be then and there. </p><p>So while I see I composed myself in a mostly effective way in terms of not 'participating' in emailing her back within a reaction, I kept it quite practical and direct, yet there was still lots of stuff happening inside of me that I can clear up. </p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel assaulted and abused when others take their frustrations out on me as taking what they are saying or even who they are in such a moment personally as thinking and believing I have done something wrong or I am being targeted for who I am instead of realizing that it's not about me and so I don't have to take it personally - I don't have to victimize myself in the energy being thrown at my from another person - I can actually let it roll over me like water on a duck's back</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in a default reaction of having emotions stirred within me when facing conflict - especially when feeling like I'm being attacked or someone has a problem with me - wherein I really just want to keep the peace in fear of conflict</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in the face of conflict with adrenaline of wanting to fight or flight - having an actual physical response to another's words and wanting to act according to what they say</p><p>I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to practice my breathing immediately when I see my mind activate with reacting to what just happened with another person - wherein I play out different scenarios of our interaction and possible ways it could go from there</p><p>I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that whenever I'm in my mind analyzing what just happened, as a conflictual interaction with another, I am usually framing it in a way where I am coming out as the right one or the victim and essentially the other person is to blame or at fault</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that it doesn't matter what anyone says to me - who I am in the moment and the moments that follow is what matters and is what I am 100% responsible for. </p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe I have to react to another if they project their frustrations out on me</p><p>I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I can not be effected, at all, in any way whatsoever, by other people's words or deeds and that I can in fact have directive power of/as myself in every moment</p><p>I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to question this belief within myself and others that suggest we must get offended or hurt by other people taking their frustrations out on us instead of realizing that I would rather create a different way to be in such a moment as understanding WHY the person is frustrated and taking it out on me </p><p>I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize the power I have in any given moment, in any given situation, within and as the breath/me breathing</p><p>I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to utilize my breathing more effectively to remain present and aware of myself in any given moment, especially those moments where I am challenged and want to automatically act out my reactions of emotions and feelings where I'm either a victim or blaming someone, or judging something - where I am essentially without understanding of the consequences of what humans have become and how we interact with each other</p><p>When and as I see myself reacting as emotions in my body and seeing my mind running wild with possible scenarios in relation to a conflict that just happened between me and another, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize and understand that that response is an automatic response and is me not HERE or AWARE in the moment as directive principle of/as myself and so I commit myself to stop myself in that moment and no longer allow myself to play out the same old program of how I react to conflict with others. I rather commit myself to exist within awareness and understanding of not taking anything personal, realizing others have a lot of shit they deal with too, as the consequence of who we are and our world system, and that if I react I am only validating the conflict or even escalating it which I refuse to do and so I further commit myself to stand within my power to remain stable and clear in the moment through/with/as my breathing</p><p>I commit myself to question myself when my mind is attempting to make myself right or win or better than others</p><p>I commit myself to be aware of myself in what's going on within my mind </p><p>I commit myself to deescalate conflict with others by not reacting to another's reaction</p><p>I commit myself to not take things personally</p><p>I commit myself to take responsibility for who I am in how I respond, in thought, word and deed, in the face of conflict. </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiHyl8AbgMvZqgpJEmi4UqTWnNP_1eRlWi5KhyphenhyphenaTR_vaTDMlCVh0Q5jcj32XhtttQTM7UaycFKqfra5JzOy5WTJ5bT0j7Vr4rtIUVRsJ6mvNnnddGkGD0D6sOj1R9VWwLWsToocTRXS1Nu/s768/support-for-mental-disorders-desteni-i-process.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="768" data-original-width="509" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiHyl8AbgMvZqgpJEmi4UqTWnNP_1eRlWi5KhyphenhyphenaTR_vaTDMlCVh0Q5jcj32XhtttQTM7UaycFKqfra5JzOy5WTJ5bT0j7Vr4rtIUVRsJ6mvNnnddGkGD0D6sOj1R9VWwLWsToocTRXS1Nu/w424-h640/support-for-mental-disorders-desteni-i-process.jpg" width="424" /></a></div><br /><p><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;">My <a href="https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC0IfZUlfUK6N8RgIffzIfaQ">YouTube Channel</a></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;">The </span><a href="http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/?fref=ts" style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;">Journey to Lifers</a></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;">Take Responsibility for what is HERE in/as this world, within AND without:</span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><a href="http://www.desteni.org/">Desteni</a></span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><br /><a href="http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/">DIP Lite Course</a> (FREE)</span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><br /><a href="http://www.desteniiprocess.com/">DIP Pro</a></span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><br /><a href="http://www.eqafe.com/">Eqafe</a> (Self-Perfecting interviews, books, music, etc)</span></p>Kristina Salashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13042983577743921210noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4515943698824381137.post-7271735932086730562021-01-14T23:09:00.003-06:002021-01-14T23:10:49.157-06:00680: Intellectually Inferior<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioguL9C8VKzbJuj_2Xd6r3Wvezsv7MY4OVVFQrzjrCpSA6nDNK2iDfO3Q3aXCN794LvhUi_9Fs2ysySGDwNXaO9JZ3aS7ElRK_jjUrggpliMrjyFUlkdjXkMMJT3fMPqbLNGJW5AZ1hDjj/s640/Feeling-bad.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="427" data-original-width="640" height="268" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioguL9C8VKzbJuj_2Xd6r3Wvezsv7MY4OVVFQrzjrCpSA6nDNK2iDfO3Q3aXCN794LvhUi_9Fs2ysySGDwNXaO9JZ3aS7ElRK_jjUrggpliMrjyFUlkdjXkMMJT3fMPqbLNGJW5AZ1hDjj/w400-h268/Feeling-bad.png" width="400" /></a></div><br />Today I noticed a point within me wherein I saw something to express - something to say, a perspective to share, a consideration to explore and once I put it out there I slowly but surely began to question and doubt myself. My heart began to race, my mind started to worry... was what I said okay? was it right? will it be challenged or twisted or thrown back at me? <p></p><p>What I noticed was this experience/reaction I was having was in relation to whom I was speaking to, or who was there to see/read my words. I defined this person as superior, as "knowing more" or more "intellectual" and so I diminished at the thought of attempting to stand equal to them in conversation. Because I did not simply accept what they were saying - I in fact saw flaws in what they were saying and so I shared my perspective. I was clear when I shared but soon went into fear. </p><p>Apparently this person is more of an authority because of... why? who they are? what they do? who their partner is? where they went to school? My perspective is equally as valuable especially in the context of considering what is actually best for all. Why do I allow intellect to be more of an authority? Something superior to me? I may have not had the same educational opportunity as others or I may not even have the same IQ... but that does not make me invalid, inferior or incapable of sharing what I SEE. </p><p>Now this isn't to say all perspectives are valid. Perspectives that abuse or cause harm to another - those invalidate themselves. Those that diminish or belittle or disregard what is in fact best for all - to me, are irrelevant. What matters is we assert ourselves as equals. That we do not diminish ourselves in the face of our own fears - that we do no belittle ourselves in relation to those we think are somehow superior because the truth is there is NO ONE more superior then anyone else. We are actually, in fact, Equal and to experience the contrary indicate an act of separation. </p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel weakened and diminished in the face of another I defined as intellectually superior to me</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt and second guess myself when participating in a conversation that consists of different perspectives in thinking and believing my perspective is less valid in relation to another whom I think and believe is more intelligent than me</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe I am inferior to someone who works in education </p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt and second guess myself after I've already expressed myself in revealing how I let my mind get in the way of me simply expressing</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that if someone has more education than me than they are somehow a better human being and my perspective is invalid in conversation with them</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as inferior to those who define themselves according to their intellect</p><p>I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that I do not require a PhD to understand basic common sense</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel intimated in conversation with others whom I deem to "know more" than me instead of realizing that while I have something to share, I also have something to learn and so to see those "others" as opportunities and gifts to get know this world better</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as an automatic default setting of fear in relation to others wherein I simply see myself as less than and somehow incapable or lacking in relation to others instead of realizing that that is an accepted and allowed self-definition and so I can change it just as easily as I accept it</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give others the authority over me as they can be the author in this story of life but I cannot add my own aspects of the story without realizing I am here too, I am part of this whole and this whole can be nourished equally from my input</p><p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold myself back so much so because I think and believe my addition doesn't matter instead of realizing I have always been and will always be a +1 </p><p>I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand the extent to which I am equal to and one with all things, as everything and the consequences of that in deed</p><p>When and as I see myself doubting and second guessing myself based on who I am conversing with I stop and I breathe. I see, realize and understand that I have the tendency to inferiorize myself in relation to others, especially when it comes to intellect, and so I commit myself to change my self-definition to be from lacking/incapable to valid and able </p><p>I commit myself to change myself from fearing others to being encouraged by others as others are ME showing me different aspects of me</p><p>I commit myself to trust myself in my moments of expressing as I have put in the time and effort and physical labor to understand basic common sense and what is best for all and that I can count on when I express myself</p><p>I commit myself to slow myself down in moments of expressing to ensure I am present and not reacting in my words so that I can be sure that I can stand by that which I say/express</p><p>I commit myself to see others as my equals</p><p>I commit myself to stop defining myself as intellectually lacking and rather intellectually unique as who I am and my expression</p><p>I commit myself to stop living in fear, holding myself back and to rather inset myself in the story of life in sharing a perspective that is in fact best for all</p><p><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7vSrINZ5GzTs2yQwKSrxyVhhRlgRLDsLZ83LpSW-U6CmOF72SNFjHVPzeVsXLt3_xSYVVGnCBWI1yRmAyF9E5mDU2R2uhdiaGkSGtLffy0gG8XENzBalUrtgwuII-HryG-AScAtwRVbvV/s225/desteni.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="225" data-original-width="225" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7vSrINZ5GzTs2yQwKSrxyVhhRlgRLDsLZ83LpSW-U6CmOF72SNFjHVPzeVsXLt3_xSYVVGnCBWI1yRmAyF9E5mDU2R2uhdiaGkSGtLffy0gG8XENzBalUrtgwuII-HryG-AScAtwRVbvV/w400-h400/desteni.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><p><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;">My <a href="https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC0IfZUlfUK6N8RgIffzIfaQ">YouTube Channel</a></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;">The </span><a href="http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/?fref=ts" style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;">Journey to Lifers</a></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;">Take Responsibility for what is HERE in/as this world, within AND without:</span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><a href="http://www.desteni.org/">Desteni</a></span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><br /><a href="http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/">DIP Lite Course</a> (FREE)</span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><br /><a href="http://www.desteniiprocess.com/">DIP Pro</a></span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><br /><a href="http://www.eqafe.com/">Eqafe</a> (Self-Perfecting interviews, books, music, etc)</span></p>Kristina Salashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13042983577743921210noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4515943698824381137.post-60216145707512455362020-08-06T22:37:00.006-05:002020-08-06T22:37:51.011-05:00679: Purifying Words: Mother<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6HBX-9iApmwC1LIjRaUrfW7VslvBrzJhIGyq2sicf-Zb4j8nMeUZOzRUu4KDSBCiViubNLYWP3o8lEZuxlKRBYJ3N7fHfGZJAnwkCUV7_drbQq6hww93u0wbPXCBphX5ifHsiL9iCx5pj/s725/MOther.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; display: block; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; padding: 1em 0px;"><img border="0" data-original-height="725" data-original-width="570" height="328" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6HBX-9iApmwC1LIjRaUrfW7VslvBrzJhIGyq2sicf-Zb4j8nMeUZOzRUu4KDSBCiViubNLYWP3o8lEZuxlKRBYJ3N7fHfGZJAnwkCUV7_drbQq6hww93u0wbPXCBphX5ifHsiL9iCx5pj/w258-h328/MOther.jpg" width="258" /></a></div>May 23, 2020<p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">A point that opened up recently in relation to
being/becoming pregnant and having a child (if you haven't heard my story about being pregnant/becoming pregnant - see <a href="https://equalitywalk.blogspot.com/2019/12/666-meaning-of-my-miscarriage.html">here</a>, or <a href="https://youtu.be/E4dwzq1-XA8">here</a>, or <a href="https://youtu.be/zADTkEA71p0">here</a>) is the fact that I have not yet
redefined<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>the word Mother for myself
yet. I did not actually ever consider this, which is kind of weird to me. Here
I am trying to conceive a child and wanting to enter into this phase of my life
as being a mother and I have not considered who I am in relation to this word
now and who I want to be as a living expression of mother. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">So I see this is a point I can open up and start to investigate
and discover for myself how I have been living this word and seeing if it is in
fact aligned to principles I want to live/apply in my life. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Obviously the first point that comes up when I look at the
word is interesting this word that I have been connecting to the word mother as
of recently (again – didn’t put two and two together to realize this is the word
here for me to redefine lol) – the word SMOTHER. The word mother is in the word
smother and as a “mother” I am to my fur babies (two cats and 1 dog) – I can
see how I lived out this as “a mother”. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I am/was over bearing, over protecting, over worried about how
they were, if they were okay. Especially with Hazel – I was constantly wanting
to touch her and kiss her and hug her and basically smother her. Constantly
watching her and worrying about her and checking up on her and wanting to fix her or give her what I think she needs. I had a lot of guilt with her initially
in the beginning also. Guilt that I wasn’t doing enough for her, that I wasn’t
the best for her, that I was somehow letting her down. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I can see how in that experience of feeling constantly
letting her down or not giving her enough, that somehow her life is lacking, I
would trying to overcompensate with my emotional connection to her. I would try
and show her more love but I can see how this would be the smothering. The
mother feeling guilty smothers to soothe my own guilt. To soothe my own short
comings. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">So I will start here… just starting to open this point up
for myself and will walk it in real-time as it opens up.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
not yet realize that I can and should redefine the word mother for myself so
that I am clear on who I am and who I want to be as a mother as the living word<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
not yet realize the importance of redefining the word mother for myself as
taking responsibility for any misalignment within myself in relation to the
word… where I may have a skewed definition that is not practical in this
physical reality or that is based on some emotional experience as a child or
where I have morality infused with it and don’t consider all dimensions of life<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
dare to have a child without first ensuring I am clear within/as the word mother
so that I do not recreate the mother/child relationship that currently exists
in this world because I see the type of world we live in and it is not one that
is best for all and so I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed
myself to realize that it is my responsibility to walk the process of clearing
the past as the mother matrix from me and to re-establish the mother as a
living expression/word as what is best for all</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">What comes up here is the Earth. The Earth is our Mother.
She has provided life, she have provided us everything we need. She has
provides us with food, water, shelter, resources we need to thrive and she even
has given us the ability to abuse her. She has not enforced herself on us or
imposed her beliefs on us or told us who we must be or what is right or wrong.
She has given us the space to discover for ourselves. I do not see who we are
as a flaw in our mother because we don’t have a relationship with her. We have
separated ourselves from her. We have moved away from her so much so we don’t
realize where we actually come from and what we are actually made of. We see
ourselves as separate and superior. And so we abuse that which actually gave and gives us life.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">So this is where I must start… open myself to the mother
earth – to the living, breathing being that is this earth and that is given me
life.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself
to see, realize, and understand that we all share our mother as earth and we
have separated ourselves form our mother earth</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
separate myself from earth as not seeing, realizing and understanding that I in
fact am made up of the flesh of the earth<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
see myself as superior to the earth<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself
to see, realize, and understand how I am in fact connected to the earth, how I
am in fact made up of the earth<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the relationship I have to the earth as my mother<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit my definition of the word mother to be that of only the woman who birthed
me into this life because while she did and she is my mother, she and I also
share a mother as this earth who is the ultimate womb from which we come<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself
to honor my mother as my earth as getting to know her and understanding her and
hearing her<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
essentially think I know better than my mother<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I gave accepted and allowed myself to
not trust my mother<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my mother<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I gave accepted and allowed myself to
blame my mother<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
think I don’t know my mother<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I gave accepted and allowed myself to
see myself as different then my mother<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I gave not accepted and allowed myself
to realize that I am my mother<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I commit myself to walk a process of getting to know myself
as the word mother<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I commit myself to purify myself as the word mother<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I commit myself to redefine mother to be that which is best
for all<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I commit myself to not judge myself in this process of
redefining mother in morality to mother that’s best for all<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9aoaVx8NvZkQM-cfXObrhzsvdaloXbaG7sL_-wN4t8xxyylFG2ZGMVvg2TDmH7ZM_0oV8ZwzSAsrD4vEf_O328VZ_v5GY6l2h8POgZYmTGzo3GLuAiTjIjiyCz_kYT_S9_8BbGKWRh2hs/s350/living+word.png" imageanchor="1" style="display: block; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; padding: 1em 0px;"><img border="0" data-original-height="300" data-original-width="350" height="375" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9aoaVx8NvZkQM-cfXObrhzsvdaloXbaG7sL_-wN4t8xxyylFG2ZGMVvg2TDmH7ZM_0oV8ZwzSAsrD4vEf_O328VZ_v5GY6l2h8POgZYmTGzo3GLuAiTjIjiyCz_kYT_S9_8BbGKWRh2hs/w438-h375/living+word.png" width="438" /></a></div><p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p><div style="text-align: left;"><p class="MsoNormal"><span face="" style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;">The </span><a href="http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/?fref=ts" style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;">Journey to Lifers</a></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span face="" style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;">Take Responsibility for what is HERE in/as this world, within AND without:</span><br /><span face="" style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><a href="http://www.desteni.org/">Desteni</a></span><br /><span face="" style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><br /><a href="http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/">DIP Lite Course</a> (FREE)</span><br /><span face="" style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><br /><a href="http://www.desteniiprocess.com/">DIP Pro</a></span><br /><span face="" style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><br /><a href="http://www.eqafe.com/">Eqafe</a> (Self-Perfecting interviews, books, music, etc)</span></p></div>Kristina Salashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13042983577743921210noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4515943698824381137.post-78353026354304562942020-07-30T22:22:00.002-05:002020-08-06T22:32:25.941-05:00678: Why I Avoid Interacting with Others<p class="MsoNormal"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnUUITRABYtCpjN90jE0tThHTTqmtFTvixgKy1nCldqTGRscyBB9W2MWYIewBPADERJW-hw0Wdn_di4vyElWTfJWA-ATypp6Z03pOPPQNBvBgQ8rnmxuDlerpQ3wO_sxfgnKzoJkAOIHYd/s1280/photo1.jpeg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="640" data-original-width="1280" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnUUITRABYtCpjN90jE0tThHTTqmtFTvixgKy1nCldqTGRscyBB9W2MWYIewBPADERJW-hw0Wdn_di4vyElWTfJWA-ATypp6Z03pOPPQNBvBgQ8rnmxuDlerpQ3wO_sxfgnKzoJkAOIHYd/w400-h200/photo1.jpeg" width="400" /></a></div>May 20, 2020<p></p><p class="MsoNormal">Here I share some self-forgiveness on a point I see within me of wanting to "keep my distance" and avoid interacting with too many people. If I had it "my" way, it was be just me and my partner and our dog hazel and I wouldn't have to spend time with anyone else. Not because I don't like others but because I often have lots of reactions when around others - insecurities, comparisons, competition, judgments, uncertainty, paranoia even... it's a mess that I'd rather avoid. Though - the avoidance is actually me accepting a limitation within myself, defining myself as these reactions because in not changing them, I am saying "this is who I am" and that is a person in fear and conflict and separation of others? Obviously not my full potential so some dismantling of this must happen...</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself
to see, realize, and understand that the reason I have in a way isolated myself
throughout the years and kept my interactions to a minimum is because in doing
so, I do not have to face myself<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
deliberately limit my world and my relationships because of a fear of having to
face all of myself<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
within limiting my relationship with other people, lived the statement that I
am afraid to face me<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
become overwhelmed by the reactions and experiences that are triggered when I
am more active with other people<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
think and believe it’s better to be alone to not trigger those reactions and
experiences within myself as I do when I’m more engaging with other people
instead of realizing that my responsibility is not to avoid creating or
triggering those experiences but rather to FACE THEM and FORGIVE THEM and
redefine/decide/create who I will be moving forward<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
think and believe my mind is too busy, it’s too much of a mess, it’s so fucked
to be changed and so I avoid engaging with too many triggers in an attempt to
remain stable instead of realizing I am only prolonging my process and implying
I am inferior to myself<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself
to face and embrace all of me especially me as who I am in relation to
others – to fully engage with and get to know and see for real the me with
others that compares and competes and fears and worries and interprets and
assumes<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
think and believe I am such a stable person instead of realizing I’ve only
created an environment in which I can do my best within limitation and a
definition of myself that I can only direct so much so I keep my distance in an
attempt to keep the peace within me<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
fear losing control of myself if I were to face head-on me in relation to
others<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself
to realize for how long I have been hiding from myself, especially behind the
facade of "I am changing myself"<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself
to see, realize an understand how much I am gifted to see now that my interactions/engagement
with others trigger so much within me – so much of me still requiring my
attention and direction and so I have quite an opportunity to purify and change who I am<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">When and as I see myself wanting to avoid interacting with
others, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that my resistance
towards others and my lack of relationships with others is due to a resistance
towards truly and absolutely getting to know me because, with others, I am
faced with me as my thoughts, feelings, and emotions and so if I stay away
from people and keep my interactions short, I can create an idea about myself
that I am stable and so I commit myself to challenge this accepted
self-definition and idea about myself that I am stable and that I can’t
interact with more people and that I must avoid triggering anything within me
and I rather commit myself to embrace more interactions and relationships with
others as a point of embracing and interacting and getting to know me as
that which is the ultimate purpose and reason for being on this earth so that
I can become a person of worth who cares and values for myself and other
equally<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I commit myself to face my fear of facing myself by engaging
more with others<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I commit myself to utilize the tools I have within me to
face fears such as breathing in moments of walking into my fear as
interacting more with others<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I commit myself to utilize the tool of writing to help
clarify the experiences I have when interacting with others<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I commit myself to utilize the tool of self-forgiveness to
take responsibility for myself<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I commit myself to practice reflecting on my experiences I
have when interacting with others to get to know me<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I commit myself to not shy away of an opportunity in a moment to expand myself as interacting with other</p><div></div><br /><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicVj4qbuvz-29VWd2Kn3myLcDMzN1OOX2F4i4_RKh37wGq5Q9lvjmJ4u6-S3mJaBksXVan3aoSrhYVb26PXjm2OcdwR7YhvnvyLiQ4pwg1g_zjSxjYrlLBzjNcaZaSl_LALZPq50DSd5GQ/s1028/do-not-fear-to-see-yourself-demonology_thumb.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="772" data-original-width="1028" height="375" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicVj4qbuvz-29VWd2Kn3myLcDMzN1OOX2F4i4_RKh37wGq5Q9lvjmJ4u6-S3mJaBksXVan3aoSrhYVb26PXjm2OcdwR7YhvnvyLiQ4pwg1g_zjSxjYrlLBzjNcaZaSl_LALZPq50DSd5GQ/w500-h375/do-not-fear-to-see-yourself-demonology_thumb.jpg" width="500" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Art By: Marlen Vargas Del Razo<br /></td></tr></tbody></table><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><span face="" style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif; text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: left;"><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span face="" style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;">The </span><a href="http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/?fref=ts" style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;">Journey to Lifers</a></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span face="" style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;">Take Responsibility for what is HERE in/as this world, within AND without:</span><br /><span face="" style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><a href="http://www.desteni.org/">Desteni</a></span><br /><span face="" style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><br /><a href="http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/">DIP Lite Course</a> (FREE)</span><br /><span face="" style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><br /><a href="http://www.desteniiprocess.com/">DIP Pro</a></span><br /><span face="" style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><br /><a href="http://www.eqafe.com/">Eqafe</a> (Self-Perfecting interviews, books, music, etc)</span></p></div></span></div>Kristina Salashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13042983577743921210noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4515943698824381137.post-16742902609814462532020-07-23T22:39:00.001-05:002020-07-23T22:44:58.406-05:00677: Positive Affirmations Delays the Inevitable<p class="MsoNormal">May 18, 2020</p><p class="MsoNormal">You have to watch my vlog to have more context for the following self-forgiveness. </p><p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="BLOG_video_class" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/r_8r-spCEGc" width="320" youtube-src-id="r_8r-spCEGc"></iframe></div><p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">Essentially - who I am in my garden is who I am in myself and my own mind. There are lots of weeds that need to be removed - lots of destructive, judgments, spiteful thoughts that do not exist in what is best for all or in the best interest of me. Those must be removed and Forgiveness is the tool.</p><p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
not want to dig deep to get the roots of the weeds<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
not want to put in the work and labor to dig deep in pulling out roots of the
weeds in my garden<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
want to get to the fastest desired result of no weeds in the garden by putting
woodchips over them to suppress the weeds<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
think and believe that suppressing is changing instead of realizing suppressing
is only delaying the inevitable which is me having to face, dig deep, and pull
out the root of the weeds<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
not want to give the proper time and attention and labor to ensure all weeds
are removed from the garden<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
think and believe that if I just put wood chips onto the surface of the weeds
they will just go away<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself
to see, realize, and understand that the garden in my yard is the garden of
myself – my mind and body and being. And that who I am in relation to the weeds
that grow in my garden is who I am in relation to the thoughts, feelings, and
emotions in my mind. And that <i>who I am</i> determines if I am planting, reaping and
thus sowing what is best for me/all as that which is functional, practical and
best for me or whether I’m allowing weeds to take over. prevent, and disrupt a more
cohesive and best for all ecosystem<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
put positive thinking and affirmations over the weeds in my mind as negative
thoughts in thinking and believe that if I keep putting something nice looking
over them then I will eventually get rid of those darn weeds instead of
realizing that while yes, I can put down wood chips to support the soil, I must
also, dig into the soil to remove the root of that weed to ensure it is gone for
good<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
think and believe it’s hard work to dig deep to find the root of the weeds of
my mind – in thinking and believing that sourcing memories that are the roots of
my thinking and thoughts is too hard or will take too much time and thus want
to bypass that to get to a quick result that will make me feel better about myself
quicker<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
opt for the quick and easy route rather than the effective route when it comes
to working in the physical and within my own self<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself
to learn how to source the roots of my thinking as the memories stored in my
body and to within this develop a resistance to it instead of realizing all that is
required is some practice<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed resistance
to rule my life<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself
to realize the value in pulling out the roots of weeds that no longer serve my
garden as preventing more work down the road<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself
to realize that in putting in the work now I I am saving myself time later<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have not accepted<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>and allowed myself to realize that in the
extra effort I put in now will reap a greater reward later<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
delay the inevitable which is pulling out the root of the weeds, within and without<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">When and as I see myself wanting to do something in the
easier, quicker way and avoiding/resisting the “more work way” I stop and I
breathe. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I see, realize, and understand that I am putting off and
delaying the inevitable and only making more work for myself. I will have to do
it right eventually. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I commit myself to use effectiveness as my guiding
principle, not the fastest route to the result I want.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I commit myself to realize the value in doing the work now
to reap the reward later<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I commit myself to pave the way to fertile soil by putting
in the labor of removing all weeds from my soil<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I commit myself to removing the weeds of my mind by sourcing
the roots as the memories and to pulling them out once and for all to clear the
soil for new seeds to be planted. <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5ciLaSz3BpJ4_MYad_xB1YHYSyqAfCkhyMmxarexindPUA3R_gh012RV2rqqNuMbwTe6wx25Lv9tLCWejN3rkTUQYnAdG3Lb8XMAYDNnFKD3sWWwPujXRakAbKzdwQgSbWk-IY5JTY0sT/s787/self+awareness.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="586" data-original-width="787" height="373" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5ciLaSz3BpJ4_MYad_xB1YHYSyqAfCkhyMmxarexindPUA3R_gh012RV2rqqNuMbwTe6wx25Lv9tLCWejN3rkTUQYnAdG3Lb8XMAYDNnFKD3sWWwPujXRakAbKzdwQgSbWk-IY5JTY0sT/w500-h373/self+awareness.jpg" width="500" /></a></div><p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;">The </span><a href="http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/?fref=ts" style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;">Journey to Lifers</a></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;">Take Responsibility for what is HERE in/as this world, within AND without:</span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><a href="http://www.desteni.org/">Desteni</a></span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><br /><a href="http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/">DIP Lite Course</a> (FREE)</span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><br /><a href="http://www.desteniiprocess.com/">DIP Pro</a></span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><br /><a href="http://www.eqafe.com/">Eqafe</a> (Self-Perfecting interviews, books, music, etc)</span></p>Kristina Salashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13042983577743921210noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4515943698824381137.post-6620066679394044922020-07-12T21:11:00.000-05:002020-07-12T21:14:29.584-05:00676: Wanting More Time but Refusing to Create it<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEwTEPOmCTIP8OZrz2PA8vzbuBHi428BvEqdjXG2s9MCxRrn9zeKWMoMYeUpuQR98MxZ6MGXG_Cm7J9Dd2GUUfQMXuYg0IZLqGD5X9dIEBkZCZGOfLwy8jjC1gfo5zJ3H3iqMGzWFqnYHZ/s275/to+much+too+do.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="183" data-original-width="275" height="229" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEwTEPOmCTIP8OZrz2PA8vzbuBHi428BvEqdjXG2s9MCxRrn9zeKWMoMYeUpuQR98MxZ6MGXG_Cm7J9Dd2GUUfQMXuYg0IZLqGD5X9dIEBkZCZGOfLwy8jjC1gfo5zJ3H3iqMGzWFqnYHZ/w344-h229/to+much+too+do.jpg" width="344" /></a></div>May 6, 2020<p></p><p class="MsoNormal">A point here of nearing my bedtime but having so much I still want to do. I then react to myself not getting to everything but refuse to consider staying up later to get to all the things due to a fear of being tired in the morning. Where's the directive principle, am I right?</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
become frustrated and anxious when I do not get to “all the things” I wanted
to do as an expectation I put onto myself<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
define myself as a failure if I do not get to “all the things” I wanted to do
instead of considering the practical reality of what I am able to do rather
then what I want to do<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
react to the time it takes something to do as a point of blaming it for taking
“too much time” and keeping me from doing the other things I want to do<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
blame others for talking too much and thus keeping me from “doing all the
things” I want to do<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
feel like I’m missing out on something if I can’t do everything I want to do in
a day<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
fear staying up later to get through everything I want to do in the belief that
I will be tired in the morning<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
fear the experience of being tired<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
fear waking up at 6 am in the middle of a dream in thinking and believing it’s
“so hard” and challenging coming out of such a deep sleep<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself
to be here always, in all ways, even when I am sleep<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have not yet accepted and allowed
myself to realize I can be aware and here while asleep<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have not yet accepted and allowed
myself to be present while I sleep<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself
to realize the potential of me as my awareness and my relationship with my body
as I sleep<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed sleep to
be a place with which I use to escape reality<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself
to use sleep to face the reality of myself<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
limit my day through fear of feeling tired and so refuse to push through and
get more things done because I think I must go to sleep as soon as possible<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself
to see, realize, and understand that when I asleep I am still here<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
direct me in fear and create consequences for me such as frustration
because I’m allowing a limitation<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
create me within a limitation as the fear of experiencing being tired<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself
to realize the potential of each moment and how much time I in fact have or how
much time is in fact here<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself
to realize and utilize myself as my full potential within my day, including with sleep</p><p class="MsoNormal">
When and as I see myself becoming frustrated for not getting to everything by
the time the evening is getting late, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and
understand my frustration and annoyance towards my reality and myself are a
reaction to the fact that I am acting in fear – fear of experiencing a
tiredness because I will not allow myself to stay up and do what I want to do,
to do that which serves me but rather direct myself to prevent fear. I
commit myself to thus slow down and ensure I move practically and self-honestly
in my reality – stopping all fear and embracing me as self-movement and what I’m
actually able to do as who I am <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYgNrWMXAWVQtzSBAJihhFnrmvNBxCpiMH_P6WAja-cTSyphFcJiLlDe0WBXCsnGLXzZunIL6ZH7oKMd3KdGc-uMXxhp8C0evJm4VrqRqF1nPoNGMYeWN7gDrwhodia-LbXuqNC0vhI_2T/s243/possible.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="208" data-original-width="243" height="406" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYgNrWMXAWVQtzSBAJihhFnrmvNBxCpiMH_P6WAja-cTSyphFcJiLlDe0WBXCsnGLXzZunIL6ZH7oKMd3KdGc-uMXxhp8C0evJm4VrqRqF1nPoNGMYeWN7gDrwhodia-LbXuqNC0vhI_2T/w475-h406/possible.jpg" width="475" /></a></div><p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p><div><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;">The </span><a href="http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/?fref=ts" style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;">Journey to Lifers</a></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;">Take Responsibility for what is HERE in/as this world, within AND without:</span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><a href="http://www.desteni.org/">Desteni</a></span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><br /><a href="http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/">DIP Lite Course</a> (FREE)</span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><br /><a href="http://www.desteniiprocess.com/">DIP Pro</a></span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><br /><a href="http://www.eqafe.com/">Eqafe</a> (Self-Perfecting interviews, books, music, etc)</span></p></div><p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p><br />Kristina Salashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13042983577743921210noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4515943698824381137.post-28986101194028746602020-07-11T21:06:00.002-05:002020-07-12T21:08:43.905-05:00675: Learning What it Means to Express Me<p class="MsoNormal">April 28, 2020</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9U_paC6exhYldvxIVJvoJT2UqPMN5pjNOopIthoG_iROPaf1_8ibS360d68pXkUuRwE-Phh2hMRhGhJODc3LqHPjrqHAAmUY-oepUPMBZRqE8htw3eGeNAT0EWJMk8o2GqAkrZrbsvVg4/s900/path-to-self-discovery-sh-visuals.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="720" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9U_paC6exhYldvxIVJvoJT2UqPMN5pjNOopIthoG_iROPaf1_8ibS360d68pXkUuRwE-Phh2hMRhGhJODc3LqHPjrqHAAmUY-oepUPMBZRqE8htw3eGeNAT0EWJMk8o2GqAkrZrbsvVg4/w320-h400/path-to-self-discovery-sh-visuals.jpg" title="By: SH Visuals" width="320" /></a></div>I am learning what it means to express myself in a moment. I have only begun to consider and realize what this means for real... to speak from a nothingness. No fear, worry, or desire, only me here in/as/with the moment and what is required to be shared/expressed to support the moment and all involved as what is best for all. This is something new for me. Often my instinct is to doubt and question myself - to not trust myself - to assume the worst of me. <p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
not speak my self-honesty in moments due to a fear of how others will react and so
instead, suppress me and turn it into a reaction<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself
to see when I suppress my expression and how that turns into a reaction<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself
to see, realize, and understand when my expression is wanting to come through<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
condition myself to suppress my self as my expression in any given moment that I
cannot recognize when I need to express something specific<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself
to trust me in a moment of expression<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself
to slow down in moments to be able to recognize my expression<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself
to nurture and honor my expression and rather suppress them into reactions<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself
to see in every moment where I’m coming from as either fear or worry or a
judgment or a reaction so that I can identify when I am reacting and when I am
expressing<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself
to realize the utmost potential of me as an expression<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself
to realize that my expression is unique to me and can change in any given
moment as what is required and need and best for all in any given moment<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed fear to
get in the way of my expression<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself
to get to know my expression because I’ve always judged myself <o:p></o:p></p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist and live in such a way where I do not trust myself as my expression - that I do not trust myself when I see something needs to be said or moved or directed and rather question and doubt myself and to in turn create more reactions as I did not allow me to flow as my expression here<div><br /></div><div>When and as I see myself wanting to express myself in a moment, without fear, worry, excitement, love - without any energy but rather ME here in the moment, but question and doubt myself I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that I will not get to know myself as expression until I allow myself to EXPRESS and trust myself when I see I am clear in a moment and so I commit myself to go for it - to express myself when I see I am clear... to trust the moment as what is here and what is within me to be said or moved or directed</div><div><br /></div><div>I commit myself to trust myself enough to act in the interest of what is best for all in any given moment</div><div>I commit myself to practice stopping myself when I am reacting to prevent myself from speaking words of emotions but to rather speak from a space of purity that is without want or desire and is simply here to be expressed</div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUJyDio7WsJJ9kFpf1S1XtstiC9d6cywa39AQHSVndTNM4FQ6pCKGhFIkds6LJSCJFL74yH2EFLteMr5bBifJC2TLkgdnbGkDWoDz3zrnhmVpuoPge9G_dLXXlIeb27IYi68WAI9sFxhYi/s1080/nothingnes.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="810" data-original-width="1080" height="375" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUJyDio7WsJJ9kFpf1S1XtstiC9d6cywa39AQHSVndTNM4FQ6pCKGhFIkds6LJSCJFL74yH2EFLteMr5bBifJC2TLkgdnbGkDWoDz3zrnhmVpuoPge9G_dLXXlIeb27IYi68WAI9sFxhYi/w500-h375/nothingnes.jpg" width="500" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;">The </span><a href="http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/?fref=ts" style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;">Journey to Lifers</a></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;">Take Responsibility for what is HERE in/as this world, within AND without:</span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><a href="http://www.desteni.org/">Desteni</a></span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><br /><a href="http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/">DIP Lite Course</a> (FREE)</span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><br /><a href="http://www.desteniiprocess.com/">DIP Pro</a></span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><br /><a href="http://www.eqafe.com/">Eqafe</a> (Self-Perfecting interviews, books, music, etc)</span></p></div>Kristina Salashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13042983577743921210noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4515943698824381137.post-54216415050632512272020-07-10T22:22:00.000-05:002020-07-10T23:03:35.002-05:00674: I Made a 7-Year Commitment <p class="MsoNormal">April 22, 2020<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6ljoUZAySwhU43gefPGyCfZ9yD6Jnqg6fK_YHzZk0NBNbV1Uj_YmwPV3L3KYiTL8Tg13hK4SZw3cYK5I648-M17wuIsl5vM-OXQNaN_x1N2Q5wKKwSL_3qvS7IcyPgZ7fHoVZlIYy1S2J/s225/7+year+journey.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="225" data-original-width="225" height="281" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6ljoUZAySwhU43gefPGyCfZ9yD6Jnqg6fK_YHzZk0NBNbV1Uj_YmwPV3L3KYiTL8Tg13hK4SZw3cYK5I648-M17wuIsl5vM-OXQNaN_x1N2Q5wKKwSL_3qvS7IcyPgZ7fHoVZlIYy1S2J/w281-h281/7+year+journey.jpg" width="281" /></a></div>After 10 years I am still practicing perfecting this flow
and consistency with blogging, to fulfill this commitment of the 7 years journey to
life. We have a long way to go and I’m still here.<p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself
to create consistency in my flow as my sharing as my blogging as my
expressing<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
drop the ball on blogging where I let time go by where I am not directing
myself to share me as my blogs<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself
to realize that I made a commitment to walk this 7-year journey to life – to
write a blog for 7 years and that this point is still here<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself
to realize just because I drop something or stop something for a moment I was
directing doesn’t mean I can’t pick it back up and the only reason I don’t is
excuses I give myself to excuse me from fulfilling the commitment<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself
to realize and see and understand, in moments of not wanting to direct me,
how beneficial and effective this daily blogging actually is<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself
to realize the power of accumulation – of daily self-direction and how that can
drastically change my life<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
realize the power of just 30 minutes a day of blogging<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself
to see, realize, and understand the effect daily blogging has on my life because I have not allowed myself to write consistently every day or as much as I am able<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
expect others to blog daily but to not blog daily myself<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
impose expectation onto others that I am not applying myself<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
see others as failing and not take into consideration my own failings<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
blame those outside of me but not be willing to take responsibility for myself<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
see others at fault and not taking inventory on myself<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself
to realize that it’s easier for me to focus on the problems outside of me
because then I don’t have space or time to focus on myself and how I am
actually part of the problems I see outside of myself<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself
to see, realize, that I have spent so much time fighting the outside world that
I could have used to change myself<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
think and believe just because I see what others are doing that I have to point
it out to them and tell them to change <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself
to see, realize and understand that what is out there in the greater reality is
actually an exact reflection of who I am and if I see problems out there then I
have not forgiven me as all as one as equal as all things in all ways to once and for all UNDERSTAND WHAT IS HERE and
so I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that
this journey is not done and we have just begun<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I commit myself to walk this 7-year journey to life as
consistently as I can until it’s done<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I commit myself to direct myself more consistently to create flow with my blogging<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I commit myself to stop giving myself excuses and to direct
myself to blog more consistently<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I commit myself to be consistent in who I am as what I
create<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I commit myself to take responsibility for this creation as
myself<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSmARJwebDDjIxQIksnJSmpVjqa-XQaKOVm5eK2kuzeKWAXHLXQep1kA3sYIKOFJb1ElvAEl4a6huzkP-YZhzG9f9h_tLkiBjdAVVRUnE16zQPhVYz580y6e1a18cyK8wi3Yn-AcudWjm0/s720/life-is-waiting-for-you-equal-money-system-by-damian-ledesma-desteni-art.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="405" data-original-width="720" height="281" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSmARJwebDDjIxQIksnJSmpVjqa-XQaKOVm5eK2kuzeKWAXHLXQep1kA3sYIKOFJb1ElvAEl4a6huzkP-YZhzG9f9h_tLkiBjdAVVRUnE16zQPhVYz580y6e1a18cyK8wi3Yn-AcudWjm0/w500-h281/life-is-waiting-for-you-equal-money-system-by-damian-ledesma-desteni-art.jpg" width="500" /></a></div><p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;">The </span><a href="http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/?fref=ts" style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;">Journey to Lifers</a></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;">Take Responsibility for what is HERE in/as this world, within AND without:</span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><a href="http://www.desteni.org/">Desteni</a></span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><br /><a href="http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/">DIP Lite Course</a> (FREE)</span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><br /><a href="http://www.desteniiprocess.com/">DIP Pro</a></span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><br /><a href="http://www.eqafe.com/">Eqafe</a> (Self-Perfecting interviews, books, music, etc)</span></p>Kristina Salashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13042983577743921210noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4515943698824381137.post-27530140061910150772020-07-05T22:45:00.000-05:002020-07-05T22:48:22.456-05:00Day 673: Repeating the Perfection to Failure Pattern<p class="MsoNormal">April 9, 2020</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiygf29fruj91XmmrZTxRMbBHniP2hGLqdB1sScXXckR04nF5aUrgGnYVkKINKNyfoSPzpBkUVxklZCxObusUdWxp6aP9A4T5NLbMlf3S0sYVy2c87K79FQ18xzPEcj_HndFEHIt5FQhsCu/s245/on+strings.jpeg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="245" data-original-width="206" height="306" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiygf29fruj91XmmrZTxRMbBHniP2hGLqdB1sScXXckR04nF5aUrgGnYVkKINKNyfoSPzpBkUVxklZCxObusUdWxp6aP9A4T5NLbMlf3S0sYVy2c87K79FQ18xzPEcj_HndFEHIt5FQhsCu/w258-h306/on+strings.jpeg" width="258" /></a></div>I finished my 2<sup>nd</sup> semester of the paralegal
program. It was another semester of struggle – lots of resistance to the
materials and the time it takes to actually study and do the work. I know I
didn’t do my best and it exposed this pattern of mine to give up at the end. I attempt
to ‘do it all’ - all being that which I resist all semester, saved to the
last minute. And when I face the reality that it’s not practically possible, I
give up. <o:p></o:p><p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">So – this is a pattern. Going into the semester confident
and prepared to be perfect and slowly but surely losing the momentum and steam
and end up sinking and feel as though I failed. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p>I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
not realize the importance of prioritizing my studies</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
resist doing my school work during the week and want to and end up putting it
off to the end of the week/towards the time things are due<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
give up on me within my experience of resisting my school work where I
will allow it and allow it until it gets to the last moment and then completely
give up because everything I resisted accumulated into “too much” and I don’t
even bother<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
create the pattern of attempting perfection and then end up failing<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
believe I have to be perfect in my school work<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
imagine me as a perfect student but not follow through in physical reality<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
want to be the perfect student as an image and self-definition I can use to
enhance me without actually putting in the work in space and time to apply
myself<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
think and believe I “do better under pressure” as a justification to resist and
put off doing the work until the last minute<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
blame my instructor and the course for being the way it is as the reason I
struggle within it instead of taking self-responsibility for who I am and my
experience within the course and within the week and within my decisions<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
put expectations on me during the beginning of a new semester and when not
following through, create an experience of disappointment<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
create me as a disappointment through having unrealistic expectations on
what I am capable of doing<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself
to accept and work with my limitations <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">When and as I see myself wanting to be perfect within my
school work, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that this
desire to be perfect is fueled by an idea that I must prove to myself I am of
worth and value and so I attempt to create it through being a perfect student
but I always end up creating disappointment and so I commit myself to rather be
self-honest about my experience and what I’m capable of and work within my
limitations<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">When and as I see myself resisting doing my school work
during a semester, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that
allowing resistance will only re-create the same pattern which creates me
giving up and I decide to not live that anymore and so I commit myself to
prioritize my school work as that which I must walk through first so that I
prevent recreating the pattern of being disappointed<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I commit myself to be more directive and disciplined with
myself when it comes to school work<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I commit myself to make schoolwork my top priority<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I commit myself to not feel I have to be perfect within the
school work and rather take it one day at a time, one lesson at a time<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I commit myself to ask for help if I’m ever feeling unsure
or unclear in the information<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKO7KYJWU8xNXuw3FZ1-gvsc6g8kDH2R_frY_n8lyyqBygt5Rvp0pXH70aZkyU_2b-2hUApbRYg5X9NqXSFBliZtvpRigJ9VVnyE6-O62S6ka5STzUgEWjRRp8D1MPMmgrpnKNOoTcuO-S/s231/patience.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="231" data-original-width="219" height="564" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKO7KYJWU8xNXuw3FZ1-gvsc6g8kDH2R_frY_n8lyyqBygt5Rvp0pXH70aZkyU_2b-2hUApbRYg5X9NqXSFBliZtvpRigJ9VVnyE6-O62S6ka5STzUgEWjRRp8D1MPMmgrpnKNOoTcuO-S/w536-h564/patience.jpg" width="536" /></a></div><p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;">The </span><a href="http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/?fref=ts" style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;">Journey to Lifers</a></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><span></span><span>Take Responsibility for what is HERE in/as this world, within AND without:</span></span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><a href="http://www.desteni.org/">Desteni</a></span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><span><span><br /></span><span><a href="http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/">DIP Lite Course</a> (FREE)</span></span></span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><span><span><br /></span><a href="http://www.desteniiprocess.com/">DIP Pro</a></span></span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><span><span><br /></span><span><a href="http://www.eqafe.com/">Eqafe</a> (Self-Perfecting interviews, books, music, etc)</span></span></span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><span><span><br /></span><span>For your info:</span></span></span><br /><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;"><span><br /></span><span><a href="http://wiki.destonians.com/Main_Page">Destonian Wiki</a></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><a href="https://www.facebook.com/EqualLifeFoundation" style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;">Equal Life Foundation</a></p>Kristina Salashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13042983577743921210noreply@blogger.com0