643: Codependent and Controlling

I have a tendency of reacting to my partner when he seems to be facing difficult points within himself - where he's dissatisfied with aspects of his life, where he resists getting up in the mornings, where we are not similar in terms of how he approaches his days. I seem to have more of an optimistic viewpoint and he can be a bit more pessimistic. And so when I see he is in such an experience of resistance towards his life, I find I take it personally. I make it personal. I think it's because he's dissatisfied with me or that somehow I'm doing something wrong, or somehow I can make it better. And here is where I have had the tendency to think I must change to make him feel better, or I have to be the solution to his problem. I then put the responsibility he has within himself in how he relates to his world on my shoulders.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take it personally when I see my partner is dissatisfied with his life in thinking and believing it's in relation to me he's dissatisfied and that somehow I'm not good enough, or I need to be doing something better to make him happy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe I am responsible for how my partner relates to his life and to think and believe that if he is unhappy or not satisfied, then it's because of something I'm doing or not doing and then want to change myself in order to make him happy and satisfied... putting then that responsibility on my shoulders instead of realizing I can never make him happy as he is the only source of his own happiness and the only responsibility I have is within who I am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react within myself when my partner talks about things he's not happy with or where he's still being challenged with his relationship to his life and to think and believe it's because of me or it has to be in relation to me because I am part of his life and if he's not happy, that means he's not happy with me instead of realizing how I am dramatizing the points he faces and making them personal instead of realizing it's not actually about me, it's only about him in relation to life and that I am not responsible for how other people feel about their life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to focus more on the belief that I am responsible for how others feel within and towards their life instead of focusing on me and who I am in relation to my life as the primary point I have the power within and the ability to direct and change

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the idea and belief that I must make someone else happy if I see they are unhappy with their life as a way to not have to take responsibility for myself and my life and what I create because when I spend so much time thinking and believing another person's happiness is dependent on me, I am using that time to focus on how to change for others instead of realizing I cannot actually change for real for others, I can only change for myself

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that me taking it personally when I see another person dissatisfied with their life is actually me distracting myself from me being dissatisfied with my own life and what I'm doing or not doing and is not facing that directly, I waste time worrying about others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel as if I have to be responsible for others and how they feel about themselves and their life as if they cannot do it for themselves

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not let others be responsible for themselves and their life and thinking I can do it better or I know better or I know the way and that I should just show them so as to not waste time instead of realizing perhaps there is an aspect of needing some kind of control over another person and within this, revealing I do not feel control within myself or my own life and so I seek out another to fill that void of control

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use others to fill a void of not having control over myself or my life and so want to control other people's lives or to spend time thinking about what I'm doing or not doing that is causing them to experience a certain way

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I am being self-dishonest and abdicating self-responsibility when I attempt to control or change another person's life in thinking and believing I am responsible for them - I am actually hiding from aspects of myself I am not yet willing to be self-honest and self-responsible for in actively changing

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to question every need I have in relation to another wherein I think I need to do this or that to change them this way or that way - becoming like a co-dependent and controller who needs another to feel as if I have a purpose instead of making me my purpose, and becoming dependent on myself in terms of depending on myself to become self-honest and self-responsible for ME and who I am in relation to all things

When and as I see myself taking it personally when another seems dissatisfied with their life, as in thinking and believing I am responsible, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that I am not responsible for who another person is in relation to their life and that I am in fact only responsible for who I am in relation to my life and that in me taking it personally that I am somehow responsible for another person is actually a way to hide from my own responsibility and so I commit myself to stop using others to fill the void within myself wherein I am not satisfied, where I'm not being totally self-honest, where I'm not taking full responsibility for myself

I commit myself to realize I am not responsible for how another person experiences their life and my responsibility is and always will be WHO I AM in thought, word, and deed

I commit myself to stop using others to not have to face myself and my own life

I commit myself to stop trying to control others because I have no control over my own

I commit myself to take back control of my own life by practicing the tools of self-honesty in writing, self-forgiveness and practical application wherein I LIVE the change I see I must

I commit myself to allow others to become responsible for their own life

I commit myself to allow myself to become responsible for my own life

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