637: Sick Again!?!

I'm sick again. This is the second time this year and within me are the thoughts "not again" and "what did I do wrong" and overall a judgment towards me for being sick again as thinking this is a negative consequence to something I've done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to becoming sick again in thinking I shouldn't be sick again since I was just sick a month or so ago

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist being sick as not wanting or willing to let myself really relax as being sick because I think I'm not supposed to be sick, and I've already been sick so I've 'done my time'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for being sick in thinking and believing I've done something wrong, as a point of a negative polarity as a judgment of 'bad' instead of considering and asking myself what created this, or how was this created and what can I learn from this experience?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel disappointed for getting sick again in thinking this will only slow me down when I've already been too slow and this is just not what I need right now

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think being sick is not something I need right now when in reality - my body is sick. that's the reality. and so obviously that's what it needs because that's what it is and so I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to trust my body when it gets sick in realizing it is also self-aware, and walking a process of assisting and supporting all as one as equal as life and so who am I to say what my body needs when I am not aware of every cell of/as my body

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to develop a relationship and awareness of and with every single cell in my body as an actual part of myself that is aware and here and existing and living

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel foolish in writing the last line of forgiveness because I think someone might read it and think I'm a kook for suggesting it's possible to be aware of every single cell in my physical body instead of realizing THAT is the mind as ego in its limited existence and ignorance that is aware of only the sphere of the head it occupies and thus does not realize the actual awareness of the physical body as a breathing being here - the body is ALIVE

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that that which is alive is aware

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project my own limited awareness onto my body and other living things wherein I actually think because I am not aware of all functional parts and pieces of this reality, then neither is anything else instead of realizing this physical reality - this substance is alive and aware

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the realization that LIFE in all its facets are aware because I think someone else will judge me for it instead of realizing the idea/belief that LIFE is not absolutely aware is ignorance in the flesh

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be ignorant to the (h)SELF in the FLES(h)

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to stand within and as my physical body, as my physical FLES(h) that is my physical SELF(h) and to thus understand what it is going through, what it needs to go through, how it supports itself and how it expresses itself - to understand it's existence in its entirety

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel as if I'm a victim to the sickness of my body in having no choice over getting sick instead of realizing the body is specific and the symptoms has a cause and I am a creator equal to and one with my body as that cause and so I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to take equal responsibility for my equal participation as the creation of being sick

When and as I see myself resisting being sick, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that I am quite limited in my awareness and understanding of the physical body and what it needs, and how it functions and so why it would become sick and so I commit myself to slow myself down, move myself to embrace the sickness as a trust in my physical body that it is standing within what is best for all/me and further I commit myself to move myself to stand equal to and one with my physical body within/as what is best for all/me

I commit myself to stop thinking I can't be sick because I was just sick instead of allowing what is here to be here and to understand it

I commit myself to stop victimizing myself to being sick and rather see the gifts in being sick

I commit myself to stop judging myself in thinking I've done something wrong and that's why I am sick

I commit myself to continue to push to become aware and develop a relationship with my physical body as I realize it is aware

I commit myself to realize ALL life is aware and is here and has an ability to communicate it's existence

I commit myself to stop the fear of judgments from others get in the way of sharing common sense

I commit myself to stop participating in the limited reality/awareness within my mind and expand my awareness of the physical LIFE substance that is here, alive and aware



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Comments

  1. Sickness can indicate stress accumulation, among other points. Another example is a weakened body through food/exercise. But a third cause is also that maybe you are going through a period of change/transition. Either way, best to accept what is here, and work with it. I had someone semi-recently ask about the causes for being sick. So this info was still fresh within me.

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    1. Thanks Yogan - yes, I've noticed the second round of sickness is in relation to stress, and reveals why I reacted within the sickness. The sickness experience I had right before this one, there was a stability, an acceptance, an embracing... which I saw as being a point of 'processing' - it was supportive. So our experiences within the sickness reveals much about ourselves. Thanks for sharing!

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