623: There is Nothing Wrong with Me (28 of 30)

Art By: Florian Nicolle
Expanding on the previous blog regarding the rush-ness I see myself go into when it's time to leave work... in asking myself, "what am I running from," the point that came up was the social interactions within my working environment. How I actually rush through interactions with others, where I do not give the little bit of extra time with someone else...

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rush through interactions with others because I don't really want to interact with others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to interact with others because I fear to interact with others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to interact with others because I fear what other people think of me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to interact with others because I think they won't like me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to interact with others because I think I will do or say something foolish where they will misinterpret me or judge me or place a definition on me

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I still place too much value and worth on others opinions/perceptions/interpretations/observations of me instead of establishing that value and worth in MYSELF

Damn it's like when will I let myself care about what I think of myself and drop the grip I have placed within me of allowing others to be that authority?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as not good enough and give the authority in others to see that within me and to believe that them thinking that about me is actually real

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make real other people's perceptions of me because I have not done it for myself... I have not been the authority within myself to say "this is who I am" and have no shame or guilt or fear around that person that I decide I AM

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not write my own story and to not fear to share that story with others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define interacting with others as hard work because it's hard work caring so much what other people think instead of deciding for myself who I am and letting that be that and MOVING ON with myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to invest so much time and attention and energy into what others think of me instead of me just letting me be myself

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to just be myself, and be okay with that self

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe there is something wrong with my-self and I have to worry about that wrongness being seen by others instead of realizing there is actually nothing wrong with me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to carry the weight of the belief and definition that there is something wrong with me

There is nothing wrong with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe there is something wrong with me, that I am defective

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as defective and in need for fixing... to believe that there has always been something wrong with me and I am imperfect and impure

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as made broken, made defective and I can never be fixed

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe there is something wrong with me instead of considering the generational lines/the sins of the fathers of those that came before me and what they lived and who they were and how they defined themselves and me and how that transferred into my flesh as my dna and I am here to stop the cycles, to put an end to the defectiveness of life that believes there is an inherent wrongness in all people

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not allow myself to let go of the idea that I'm defective

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear others seeing me as defective

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize there is nothing wrong with me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to BELIEVE there is something wrong with me, but to FEAR this wrongness about me and to PROJECT that fear of others seeing this wrongness within me instead of REALIZING there is nothing wrong with me. Period. End of story.

When and as I see myself not wanting to interact/be with others, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand this not wanting to be around others is a fear of others based on the idea of others seeing my defectiveness based within the definition that there's something wrong with me and so I commit myself to stop this defective program/conditioning/my mind and to realize THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH ME and that I am okay in who I am, what I have lived and I can continue walking this process of for-giving me back to me where I stop all the self-abuse as the belief that I am defective and instead take directive principle over who I am in each moment, with others, with no fear and ensure I no longer allow this belief of self of "I'm defective" to exist in me

I commit myself to stop this self-definition that I am defective

I commit myself to stop fearing others seeing me as defective

I commit myself to stop telling myself I am defective

I commit myself to be okay with myself and embracing me, all of me, the past present and future and stand HERE to direct who I am and who I will be

I commit myself to care about myself enough to let go of the weight of caring what others think

I commit myself to give myself the opportunity to change in stopping the definition that I am forever defective

I commit myself to stop the self-definition that I am broken.

I am whole as I am here.

Art By: Marlen Vargas Del Razo


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