592: Confronting What I Can Do Differently

Art by: Danny O'Connor
Slowing down in this moment to expand on a point of support I was offered by a critic. Critic might be a strong word to describe this person, they were simply exerting a reaction to my words, and I was faced with a fear of criticism and I tried to embrace it rather than run from it.

I looked at my experience in reading their 'criticism' and considered if there was something for me to learn. There was. I learned that I can become more specific when I explain things, I can give more practical contexts to the examples I share, and I can take the time to engage with those that might not understand what I'm saying.

I shared a post/point the other day about how fulfillment is in a simple moment of nothingness - where there is nothing going on except you sitting with another, having a cup of coffee, and reflecting on your day and life in conversation. Without a need to fill yourself up with something external, as in feeling you must have something, or do something or be with someone that implies you are doing something productive, or attaining something, but simply being in the moment - no thoughts of the past or worries of the future, or plans of what to do next... just in the moment, in your wooden chair, hearing the espresso machine in the background, guys talking about different coffees they like, and seeing the sun sitting just above the mountains.

Nothing to do or no where to go except HERE. I was sharing on my own personal experience with dropping this need for something outside of me to fulfill me - like needing the right clothes or being in the right location or trying to obtain the perfect job, house, car, friends.... anything that I can find to define me as secure. This is something I've had to slowly get myself out of and realize the potential of a moment, of my breathing, of being in my body, without that need or want scratching at you in the belief that there must be something else for you - somewhere else to go, someone else to be...

So that is the point I was looking to share and someone misinterpreted my words and while that is there responsibility (how they read my words), I also have a responsibility to ensure I am CLEAR when I share myself. Is there a want in my sharing? Is there an expectation for a certain result? Is there a presentation being given? These are questions I see I can start asking myself when I share to ensure that what I share cannot be misinterpreted and if they are, I can stand my ground in knowing I shared from a place that is 'best for all' and that place, to me, is without a need, want, expectation, or desire but simply me sharing me in a moment, as mentioned, what is best for all. Nothing hidden or veiled - only me sharing my process as what I've lived and learned and have developed within myself and what I can offer to another from within me.

So while I have a fear of criticism, I also have a tool to turn it inward as 'bringing it back to self' and instead of running from the fear, or attacking as a defense, I can look and see 'who am I in this moment' and 'who was I when I shared that'. And then I gift myself with an opportunity to know myself and correct myself if I see I was sharing from anything other than what's best for all. And what is best for all you ask? A self-honest, self-responsible, self-determined, directive, and willful individual willing to be a catalyst for change - to challenge what's been accepted and allowed as the norm in this world when we clearly see there is nothing normal in our world.

It's a process, and I still walk with trials and tribulations, but I understand there is a perfection to be lived and I will continue to walk, share, make mistakes and learn until I get it right. That is one reason I write... to write out my wrongs and make me right again as scripting into me the path that's me as my absolute best.

I will continue. Thanks for walking with.

Artwork By: Desteni Artists

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