17 July 2017

553: Forgiveness is not about Forgetting

I just listened to an Eqafe recording titled, "Forgiveness and Forgetting". It explains the point of how just because you forgive something, doesn't mean it forever deletes it from you or your mind. There still exists a remembrance - a recalling of what has happened and who you were.

I was reminded of a time in my life where I realized I required to forgive myself for something I had done. I was ashamed and felt guilty, and regretting how I made the decision to do what I did. And for weeks, the same experience was coming up, I kept going back to the moment where I made this decision, what came from my decision, how it changed my life, and I was gripped by this emotion of regret and sadness. And I realized with this continuing to come up I had to forgive myself, to allow myself to let go of what I was holding onto.

I realized I couldn't change what was done - what I had done. It was done and that was that. There was no going back. But I still remained, and I could not continue to live with this emotional experience of not being able to accept what happened. So I forgave myself. I unconditionally forgave myself, allowed myself to realize I can't change what is done, and I must find a way to move on, for myself. And so I walked that process of forgiving myself and slowly, but surely, I was able to embrace, accept and let go of what happened.

Years later I still recall that time in my life, and how I experienced myself in those days from the decision I made. And I recall the moment I realized forgiveness was the key. And even though I did forgive myself, and I was able to allow myself to move on from what had happened, it still existed within me. That time in my life, that state I was in, that process I had to walk through to get myself through it... that has not been deleted or removed from me. It remains within me as it was a process that shaped who I am now and what I have walked in the past years of my life. And I'm grateful for that, because I am grateful for who I am today and I know that if I had not realized the power of self-forgiveness, I may have very well remained stuck in the past, replaying that same moment, that same decision, and those same feelings about it over and over again.

So the point here for me that I got from this interview was that yes, forgiveness is essential, but forgiveness does not forget. Forgiveness allows you to take what has been done, and who you have been, and use it to develop yourself into a more substantial, understanding, self-loving and so life-loving person.

The gift of forgiveness is that whatever you have done, whoever you have been doesn't have to define you forever... you can always change it, you can always forgive. But in that - what remains is the lessons learned, the new insights and realizations we developed throughout the moments of our life, and the remembrance that who we are creates consequence - a sequence of events that unfolds from who we are in each moment, and if we require to forgive anything, then we always have that as a lesson to never repeat again.

There was much more to this recording I mention here, though this is what I wanted to share. I suggest you have a listen for yourself and hear the gems of support waiting for you to uncover.


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