15 June 2017

548: It's not Personal, It's Process

This is again in relation to the new work environment and relationships I have been recently writing about. I noticed particularly strong reactions towards one specific co-worker in the new environment, and after a few days of this strong reaction/experience in relation to them, I started to see 'them' as having something wrong with them... like something 'wasn't right' about them; they couldn't be trusted. It was like I saw them as a problem and who they are as a problem like they were shady in a way and thus THAT'S WHY I experienced myself so conflicted in relation to them.

So they essentially acted as a trigger, which conjured up all these reactions, judgments, self-doubts, worries up within me, and yet I saw them as causing it. Not at all stopping, slowing down, and realizing IT'S WITHIN ME. And so I made it personal... personalizing the trigger as something more than simply my mirror - me seeing directly into me, and so having nothing, in fact, to do with this other person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to the person who triggers points within me - to make it personal as if they are the one responsible for my experience towards/in relation to them

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take it personally when a person responds to me in a certain way that I define as negative/rude/inconsiderate

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to view someone who triggers experiences within me as responsible for my inner/internal experiences

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want M (the trigger) to change so that I no longer experience what I do within myself that was triggered

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to view another person as something shady about them - when really all I've done is make it personal what I experience within myself in relation to them which they had nothing to do with at all - they were simply the mirror in which I could see more of me

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see those that act as trigger points for me as gifts - supporting me to see more of me and supporting me develop my self-intimacy and self-honesty

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame another person for triggering experiences within me instead of realizing they exist within ME and no one else and so is completely and absolutely my responsibility and mine alone

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become cautious and resistant to those that act as triggers for me - wanting to avoid the experiences I have within me that are triggered by those people around me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to blame another person for triggering the experiences within me because I don't want to fully take responsibility for my internal reality - that which only I accept and allow

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see another in a negative way simply because they acted as a trigger for me as something negative I experienced towards them - making it personal instead of realizing the specifics of this process that each of us are walking and that nothing is personal and once I make it personal, I am allowing ego to get in the way and thus limiting my ability to develop self-honesty, and self-responsibility, and seeing the equality and oneness within/as all

When and as I see myself taking someone who acts as a trigger personally - as if they are deliberately doing something TO ME and are responsible for my experience in relation to them, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand the gift each person in my life is a direct mirror for me to see into me - and within that, the gift of self-intimacy, and self-honesty. And so I commit myself to not take someone personal who triggers reactions within me, and rather practice seeing what it is I need to see, through them, and my process of self-honesty and self-responsibility.

I commit myself to stop any/all thoughts that blame a person in my reality for 'triggering' an experience within me realizing that it's IN ME, not them putting it into me and so I am solely responsible

I commit myself to not taking this process personally - my mind, other people, my circumstances, anything realizing that it's not personal, it's process and this process is about purging the darkness within each one to come face to face with who we have accepted and allowed ourselves to be and become and thus I commit myself to walk objectively through my process - seeing what I can learn, what works and what doesn't, what is best for all, and what isn't - UNDERSTANDING why things/people/life exists the way it does to better UNDERSTAND the solutions



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