14 May 2017

540: How I Deal with Dis-Ease

Often times when I get a headaches I resist the experience. I want it to quickly be done with. I want to take something to get rid of the pain, I want to simply avoid the experience all together. It's like I want to hide from it, in fear of it, not willing to stand in the dis-ease of a headache. But what I've learned over the past few years is that headaches I generally create myself. When I am emotional, or reactive in some way, and my body fills with energy the after effect is like a clogging and fogginess build up, and will usually manifest in/as a headache. Or if I'm over-thinking about something - not telling myself stop and rest, but constantly consuming thoughts about something, constantly busy within my mind, I will also get a headache. Almost like the body forcing me with pain to see what I'm doing, and to get me to stop for a moment.

But instead of looking at what the reactions were, or what I'm continually mulling over in my head, and so how I participated in energy to create the dis-comfort, I want to just get rid of the pain - not allowing myself to realize the gift the pain is showing me as directly reflecting who I am as what I accept and allow within/as me - the actual effect I have on my body - what I am actually creating from who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist headaches as a fear of pain

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the pain of a headache as thinking and believing it over-powers me, and I have no control within it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe I have no power within/as a headache instead of realizing I created it, and so I can change it

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize the more I resist/fight the head ache - the worst I am making the experience

I forgive myself that I have not yet allowed myself to take responsibility for the pains in my body as the source of it's creation and realizing the body is not in pain at random - there is a cause, and I contribute to that cause

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my physical body to the extent where I think and believe headaches and pains happen in the body at random as if the body exists as it's own entity, existing separate from me, doing it's own thing instead of realizing I am the one dwelling within/as my body, me, and thus who I am and how I live directly effects the state and condition of my body and thus again I forgive myself that I have not yet in all ways taken absolute self-responsibility for the state and condition of my body as an extension of who I am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress myself as the pain of my physical body through medication instead of investigating the cause of the pain/problem, and not just treat the symptom

When and as I see myself resisting/fearing pain in/as my body, such as a headache and wanting to just take a pill to get rid of it, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand the responsibility I have to within/as the state and condition of my physical body being a direct reflection/outflow/extension of who I am and how I live, and is not a separate entity existing independently from me and so I commit myself to in moments of developing a headache, instead of resisting it, take it into writing if the moment is available for it - and investigate who I've been that would produce pain in the head, or elsewhere, and apply self-forgiveness for things I see I've accepted and allowed. And I also commit myself to if the moment for writing is not available, to support the physical body in the meantime, even with pills if that's necessary, but to also flag this moment to investigate later when I have the time

I commit myself to create a starting point of dealing with pain in the body to be about self-discovery and self-purification and not suppression as just making it go away with a pill





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