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Showing posts from May, 2017

544: Decade with Desteni - Transcending Laziness

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Looking back on the years of self-writing, and blogging, I see a particular pattern wherein I am reflecting a lot on resistances I experience within my day to day living. I am still working with, and walking through a pattern of laziness, or not wanting to do this or that, and wanting to instead just entertain myself, have fun, or relax. And I wondered if this is something others relate to, or if it's kind of 'out there' in terms of it being unusual to hear about someone resisting simply LIVING and moving, and walking through their day, getting things done.

Then I look at some people in my family, like my mother, and my aunt, or a long-time family friend who are very self-motivated to do what needs to be done in a day - like cleaning the house, or doing little projects here and there - always moving themselves physically. These were the examples I had growing up, yet for me - I felt very much the opposite in what I saw in them. I didn't want to do it - I didn't wa…

543: Realizations in Letting Go of a Dependency

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**The most recent blogs, and ones to come are a few weeks old, as I have been writing, without publishing.

I have just completed a 21 day challenge of no coffee. I did it for myself - seeing how I had created a bit of dependency and love affair with coffee, acting as if I couldn't do without it, and so I made myself live without it, for 21 days at least.

The first few days were physically uncomfortable, though not unbearable. I did expect some discomfort, almost like letting go of a relationship you have depended on to always be there for you. That was the major point I saw in terms of who I was in relation to coffee, or rather how I defined coffee in relation to me... like a comfort, a friend, a companion I could always count on in the sense that it always tasted good, gave me a nice feeling, and so I trusted it. Though, there is a problem when we create such a relationship towards something like that externally from ourselves - it, as I mentioned, can create a dependency. Of cou…

542: Emotional vs Practical Decision Making

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Recently I had a decision to make wherein the choice before me was pretty clear. I made the pros and cons list and could see one decision what practically, physically best for me, and the other was remaining the same. Despite seeing this there was a fear to make the 'better choice.' I was afraid of how my decision would impact others, assuming it would be for the worst. I was afraid of them getting upset with me because I was changing/moving on, and not staying in the same place. And if I were to allow this fear to grow and manifest as making that decision, I would have only compromised myself and others as well.

How often do we make decisions based on emotions such as fear, then what is practically best for us

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by emotions when making decisions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, despite seeing what could be practically best for me, lean towards another direction due to an emotion…

541: Comfort in Coffee

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Not too long ago I challenged myself to 21 days of no coffee. It was a success in that I committed to the 21 days, and walked the 21 days without any coffee. And I say it was a success because it revealed deeper dimensions of the relationship I've created towards and with coffee, thus supporting me to see where I'm still existing in something separate from me - looking for something outside of me to fulfill me.

The following is self-forgiveness for a particular dimension I saw within me in my need for coffee - and that was the word comfort. The problem with defining something outside of yourself as your source of something, in this case comfort, is you are then always a slave and dependent upon that external thing to give to you that point (comfort) you are looking for. The reason for self-forgiveness, is to GIVE to yourself what you look for outside of yourself. So here, realizing comfort can be who I am - not something I must find outside of myself. And in doing so - you ar…

540: How I Deal with Dis-Ease

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Often times when I get a headaches I resist the experience. I want it to quickly be done with. I want to take something to get rid of the pain, I want to simply avoid the experience all together. It's like I want to hide from it, in fear of it, not willing to stand in the dis-ease of a headache. But what I've learned over the past few years is that headaches I generally create myself. When I am emotional, or reactive in some way, and my body fills with energy the after effect is like a clogging and fogginess build up, and will usually manifest in/as a headache. Or if I'm over-thinking about something - not telling myself stop and rest, but constantly consuming thoughts about something, constantly busy within my mind, I will also get a headache. Almost like the body forcing me with pain to see what I'm doing, and to get me to stop for a moment.

But instead of looking at what the reactions were, or what I'm continually mulling over in my head, and so how I participa…