being right, and the others being wrong.
My frustration is when I see another way - that complaining is not in fact constructive, and does nothing to change anything. It only fuels our idea that we are justified in our experience. I have suggested to those that come to me complaining to take their words to those they are speaking about... to suggest to them another way, or show them how they can change the situation, and so not remain within the frustration experience. Though it is often laid upon deaf ears and here is where my frustration comes in.
They are not willing to hear solutions. They don't actually want to change anything. They just want to complain to anyone who will give them the space to regurgitate what's already come up in their minds as back chats. And I don't like being the one that allows such a space.
I don't think complaining is constructive, and I see other solutions.
Though... here's the kicker.
Often what happens is I'm in such a situation, and while I have made suggestions for them to speak directly to those they have a problem with... I have YET to do that myself. I do not say to them - hey, I notice you complain a lot about this and that... have you considered trying this? Or have you considered to that? I have in no way been direct about what I see as the problem, speaking directly to the source, and how I see it can be changed. What I have done however is gone home to my partner and tell him all about these people who just bitch and moan and do nothing to change it.
lol - you see how that's funny, right?
I am doing the EXACT same thing I am oh so frustrated with others about. Instead of being DIRECT with them, I go home and talk about it to someone who has nothing to do with it, nor can do anything about it. I mean c'mon - that's comical.
So I see here a point of reflection... a mirror of self in another. I need to BE the EXAMPLE of what I am wanting others to Be. I need to speak direct, show them the problem, THEN offer a solution, and show them HOW to change.
I want others to realize they cannot expect someone to do something different if they've never learned how, and so I should realize the same.... I cannot expect those that complain to all of a sudden change just because I have learned another way. I must show them another way. They too must learn.
Just like a baby doesn't come out walking and talking... it's a process of learning, and developing. And so in my desire for others to be more understanding with those that 'don't know', and to be an example for them, instead of perpetuating a dis-empowered position of complaining, I too must be more understanding with those that 'don't know', and see where and how I can empower myself to be more direct, more communicative, and more of an example of a solution.
This is a wonderful example for me to see how others are a reflection of self, and how self can learn more about where one is accepting and allowing limitations, and fears within themselves when they are self-honest and responsible for what they see in others.
So I will continue opening up within this point in blogs to come... looking closer at WHY I have not yet spoken directly to those that complain, and offered real solutions.
Thanks for reading.
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