12 January 2017

523: Self-Fulfilling Relationships

Part of letting go of relationships is not just about removing someone from your life, or stop thinking about them in your mind. For me I was 'thinking' I was holding onto a relationship, not letting it go, even though I wanted to because I kept having thoughts and imaginations about them... but what I was supported to see was that the activity in my mind in relation to other people, and my relationship with them, were parts of myself I had separated myself from. And they kept coming up for me to SEE ME.

I've understood for awhile that relationships are indeed mirrors of ourselves, but perhaps not effectively applying this knowledge within my own process. Relationships - both positive and negative, are parts of ourselves. Negative being where we suppress parts of ourselves, or deliberately hide from taking responsibility for, or haven't yet forgiven ourselves for... they actually exist within ourselves yet we are not willing to face it. So then we project onto others as blame, and have a negative reaction towards, those things we are not willing to see for ourselves, that actually exist within us... but we make it about others, when it fact it's always been about ourselves.

Positive relationships are where we see within another something we believe doesn't exist within ourselves, or that we could never express ourselves. So we 'like' others who represent parts of ourselves we have not yet allowed ourselves to develop, or expand within, and actually bring those characteristic or traits we like in others, back to ourselves and express them as ourselves.

So this I've understood, as a point of knowledge and information, though as of recently I have not been applying that knowledge. I in a way 'forgot' or didn't consider that I am here within all of this... bad relationships, or good ones are FOR ME to gift myself with in terms of getting to know myself, forgive myself, and complete myself through bringing things I like in others into myself/my expression, as well as acknowledging, and redefining/aligning those parts of myself I've denied/avoided to take responsibility for.

Currently I'm facing a 'toxic' relationship - and while I had previously written a blog about this particular relationship, and the negative reactions I had toward them, and how I resisted accepting what I saw in them were actually me, though I could see clearly it was. Now I find myself in the same position - though this time, there wasn't even the awareness that 'they are me' in terms of what I've been reacting to.

I must really slow myself down now and look at what it is I'm reacting to - what are the words I see are what I am defining 'them' as and the relationships as, and see where/how/when I have or am living it myself.

So that is what I've started to do. And I've made a decision within myself to take on this point more seriously - to look at the relationships of my past that still linger within my mind, where I find myself still wandering into old memories. Those memories, those wanderings are still coming up for a reason... there is something here for me to see, realize, and understand about myself. So I commit myself to work diligently with the relationships of my life to better get to know me, to forgive me, and to expand me.

It's quite easy to say a relationship is just bad, and walk away. It's a whole other thing to be able to take responsibility for that 'bad' you see in the relationship... and how you perhaps contributed to it's creation, and destruction yourself.

And so we continue...




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