31 October 2016

483: Sleeping to Suppress the Fear - 30 Days of Blogging - Day 17

Today I traveled from Vancouver, BC to Minneapolis - my home town. I have been doing a lot of flying the past few years, since my partner was living in Canada while I was still living in the US, we would make trips back and forth at least twice a year. Since I've moved to where he lives, I've traveled home twice in the past year and a half to visit with family.

That is a lot of travel. A lot of planes. And the more time I travel on the planes, the more I see this fear slowly creeping in of planes/traveling on planes.

The habit I've created the past three years has been to go to sleep as soon as I get on the plane - like immediately. No messing around, no wasting time, go to sleep as soon as I'm situated in the seat. And then 'hopefully' sleep through the entire plane ride. Often I would tell myself it's because it makes the trip go faster, or I've stayed up late the night before due to excitement for the travels, so I am sleepy on the plane. A few reasons that seemed completely reasonable to me.

Though, this time around I can see a more self-honest reason I like to sleep on planes... the deeper reason hiding behind all the other reasons I give myself to not have to face the actual reason. THE FEAR... fear of planes, fear of crashing in a burning blaze from thousands of feet above ground.

I have traveled on planes a lot throughout my life, never having a care in the world about it. I would actually enjoy the plane rides, and glue my face to the window taking in the spectacular view of the land below. You could say I love it.

Though over the years I notice a growing fear every time I get onto a plane... I think, "this time is it..." I think my luck has run out, and something could go terribly wrong. I even have images within my mind of an accident, an explosion, a crash... lots of images I've seen throughout the years in movies and TV series.

So while I was prepared to face the real reason I like to sleep on planes, I was also prepared to face the fear, in that I would not suppress myself into sleep, but I would rather walk through the fear and face it head on. That was my plan.

And that is what I did. I got on the plane, situated my bag below the seat in front of me, opened up my book, popped in a piece of bubble gum, and embraced the journey ahead. And then there was an announcement about mechanical issues with a part of the plane that prevented us from taking off right away... !!!

I kept my cool though, breathed through it, knowing they are common, and I've had similar experiences before. They wont let the plane go if there are any issues.

And so we took off and soared into the sky. I was quite fine, and enjoyed looking out the window. It's funny because even though I have this fear of the plane crashing... it doesn't stop me from staring straight out that window to the distant land below.

So it was a cool point for me to firstly, be self-honest about the fear I was having in relation to flying, and then to also correct the fear in real time as not allowing it to direct me to sleep, but to rather stay awake, be aware... face the experience of flying, and in real time - stop any thoughts/images, or emotions of fear in relation to flying that came up during those moment. And I'm happy to report, in case you were wondering... all went well. (me typing this was your hint).

Something to consider... how much do TV shows and movies, the images they broadcast, do we receive and hold onto to? How many times can you see the same image of a plane crashing, with the emotions attached it to, before you start broadcasting the same thing within your own mind? If we are not aware, and in directive principle of/as our minds - we absorb information, and make it our own, and then create fears and future projections out of them that we then trust and assume could be valid.

Don't let fears influence you... rather be self-honest about your fears, and face them!

Good night!

































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30 October 2016

482: Shout Out to the Physical Body part 2 - 30 Days of Blogging - Day 16

Some interesting points come up today while I was doing self-forgiveness on my relationship to my stomach. As mentioned in the previous blog, it is one that has not been the nicest - resenting my stomach in a way,  blaming it for not adhering to the specific image I wanted, getting upset when it wasn't what I thought it 'should' be. So a relationship that has been tumultuous. TUMultuous...

This opening up from some upset stomachs I've been having the past couple months - and to me, revealing a relationship with the stomach that required my attention.

So with the self-forgiveness, two major points stood out to me. The first is how my relationship with my stomach was so nasty in fact, that I could see how I could, over time, in continuing to place expectations unto it, and the negative emotions I was experiencing toward it, would in fact create some serious problems. Imagine constantly being angry, resentful, hateful even towards a particular part of your body... would you be surprised if it would create some kind of dis-ease or sickness? After all, it is constantly being imposed on, and told it's 'not good enough' - it's not being cared for or considered as in embracing what it is, and how it functions, and how it is in harmony with the rest of the body to create the whole. So imagine constantly berating something, telling it it's not good enough - it needs to be better, never being gentle, or loving toward it in any way. In such a relationship, in time, from my perspective, I could easily create the exact fear I had come up when I first experienced the upset stomach. (which you can read in the previous blog.) This also reminds me of Emoto's water experiments... where depending on the nature of the person speaking to the water, it can change and have an effect on the water particles itself. google it...

Something to think about, and reflect on in terms of what our relationship to our bodies are, and how that can create what our body does, or how it functions. We very much play a part in it's manifestation, and for me, if I'm not working with it, supporting it, but rather judging it, and condemning it, I'm going to create negative effects rather than positive ones. It's like getting what you give. You give something nasty, you get something nasty.

Which leads me into the next point that came up while applying self-forgiveness for the current relationship with my stomach. What if I were to imagine my stomach was aware.. it was a being unto itself. And what if I stood in it's shoes... placed myself as my stomach, part of this physical body, existing as I should be, and here comes this force that starts imposing unto me that I'm not good enough, that I should be better. Attacking with judgments and expectations, and never satisfied with who I am, or how I'm existing. I mean that's not cool at all.... give as you would like to receive isn't it?

I can easily apply this principle as well to my physical body... treat it as I would like to be treated. I would not want to be constantly judged, and attacked, told I'm not good enough, or that I should be better, and compared to other stomachs. I mean that is fucked up. So why not give as I would like to receive? I would like to receive support, and consideration of who I am, and care in supporting my functioning, and well being, and health.

So for me this was also a major point in seeing I have not been treating my stomach/body as a whole with consideration and care. I have been attempting to impose an image unto it that it must live up to, not at all embracing it as what it currently is. Forcing to change as if 'it's' the problem... well I can see clearly my stomach is not the problem. I am the problem.. the problem is within me, within my mind, within my definitions of beauty and attraction, within comparisons, within separation of what my physical body actually is, and the purpose it fulfills. It is not here to submit to the demands of my mind that suggest it's not perfect the way it is... it is here to complete the whole of the physical - one piece that is of equal value as the rest, and that supports in the whole being able to exist as it does. It's a part that I cannot live without, and again, as I've realized before, it's not what's on the outside as the shape and look of my stomach that matters. It's the inside that matters... the inner workings and flow of how my body is functioning. That should be my utmost priority and focus as ensuring I am doing whatever I can to create an environment that is conducive to a body that is well, stable, strong, and efficient... in fact living to it's utmost potential.

The body is miraculous in it's ability to heal, and direct anything that is not best for it, out of it. Yet we often don't support it to be able to do this... we challenge it with our diets, and especially our state of minds that currently creates the relationship we have with it. It takes a lot of shit from us. Do we have any idea how lucky we are?

I wanted to share these two points today because I see how relevant they are in realizing what effect we have on our bodies in what we accept and allow within/as ourselves as the relationship we create to our bodies. It's time to create harmony, and peace - stop the blame, the anger, the resentments. Forgive, let go, and create something that is what is best for all. That includes the physical body. That is in fact where we start to create change within this world... we start within the world that we are wholly responsible for, and that is our physical body. Remember - our bodies are a universe, and that is a vast space to be responsible for. Consider each atom, cell, organ, etc. equal to the rest and you can begin to understand how the whole of humanity is a body - each atom, each cell, each being equal in it's value, making up the whole body. We need each other to be in harmony, to be in peace, to stop the conflict, It is in fact what is best for all. Start with self, the inner, and expand it to the world, the outer.

Thanks for reading. Now give your body a hug :)




















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29 October 2016

481: Shout Out to the Physical Body - 30 days of Blogging - Day 15

Today I had a bit of an upset stomach after lunch. It came on quite quick after eating, and rendered me immobile for a couple of hours. This is the third time I've experienced this kind of pain in the past two months, this time being the most severe.

The reason I am bringing this up in a blog is because while there is the physical symptom of something going on - my body processing something, and causing pain, there is other dimensions existing as well, which is the mental one.

Often when I get sick, or don't feel absolutely stable within my physical body - even if it's the slightest bit of being uncomfortable, I usually react quickly. I will get frustrated, and feel like a victim, and feel like I cannot possible move to my utmost, and must simply give in to the experience, and in a way 'fall' within myself, like a giving up. Now obviously if there is physical pain, then yes, I'm not going to be able to perform to my optimum as the body is going through something that requires perhaps a slowing down, a resting, a moment to give it time to do what it needs to do. But I will react in the experience, almost like resisting it in a way, and make it more of a problem then it needs to be.

I also tend to go to 'worse case scenarios' whenever my physical body is going through a point. So for instance today, with my stomach, I jumped to the conclusion of 'what if it's stomach cancer' or 'what if it's a tumor' - immediately the fear steps in and directs the thinking about 'what' is going on.

I have learned to work with my physical body in a supportive way where whenever there is a physical point that comes up (say a soreness, or pain, or discomfort) to, while at the same time supporting in aiding in the pain/soreness/discomfort physically, to also look at the immediate reactions that the mind comes up with in relation to the body. It is quite a cool cross-reference and reflection into oneself in terms of the relationship we have with the body.

So what can I see from the experience of an upset stomach today? There is fear - fearing of getting stomach cancer, fear of having a tumor... fear of  something being wrong that could lead to death basically. So fear of death as well. There was just a slight bit of energy attached, though nothing overpowering or where I felt paralyzed by the fear. So here are the mental aspects of the relationship with my body that I have... that I can work with in self-forgiveness, and self-commitment statements.

There was another dimension I saw as well - specifically in relation to my physical body and the discomfort. So my stomach... in looking at why there is pain there... what could I be contributing on a mental, and being-ness level, that would produce the physical pain? Who am I in relation to my stomach? I can see that there is a relationship to my stomach of disgust. I've always had reactions towards my stomach, always defining it as a bit 'too big', and always desired it to be smaller. Whenever I've gained weight throughout my life, that is where the weight goes, and I've hated this in a way. So to me, my stomach has been a 'problem' area for along time in my life. You could even say I've been upset about what my stomach looks like for a long time. And so what do I create? An upset stomach. lol - perhaps it's not that straightforward, as there could be many factors involved to manifest the pain in the stomach. However it is clear, for me, when I look within myself as who I am in relation to my stomach - I've always had a negative relationship to it.

And so this is how the physical body supports us. It reveals who we are in relation to different parts of our body, and our body as a whole. For me specifically - pain in the stomach is revealing fear dimensions I have towards my stomach, and overall my physical body, as well as who I've been in relation to my stomach, as resisting it, judging it, defining it as 'too big', and desiring to change it, and for it to be different, which I equate to as being better, thus implying it's wrong, or bad.

I wanted to share this point tonight because I think we often jump to worse case scenarios in our mind when it comes to our physical bodies... we are in a way a slave to what our body does, as it is superior to us in that without it's functions, we would die. 'We' don't consciously, or within awareness keep it functioning - it's automated itself to do that. It breathes for us, it pumps our hearts for us, it moves the blood throughout the body - it does everything it needs to do, that's necessary to be done, in order to keep us alive. And we often pay no attention to it... until it's too late. Or until the pain and discomfort is so much that it is impossible for us to ignore.

The body is our greatest gift. And if only we slowed down enough to start paying attention to what it's communicating, perhaps we could save ourselves from serious consequences. The body can take a lot, but it can also only take so much, and the amount strain we inflict on it through not only our diets, but also our emotional and feeling energy existence (our anger, spite, jealousy, envy, frustrations, sadness, desire, self-interest, judgment, etc), it's a resource we can only take from for so long. Eventually it will deplete. Remember this... your mental reality as your thoughts, emotions and feelings, can only exist through the substance of your physical body. And so when your react within energy - you are use physical energy as your body, to fuel that reaction.

So a shout out to the body, and an example of how we can better align ourselves to our physical bodies - paying more attention to what it is communicating, and showing us to support us in this process of self-awareness. Self-awareness isn't just a state of mind or being... it is the realization that you are a physical body, in a physical reality, and what that physical reality consists of is a magnitude of life being expressed in ways we have never conceived. Our human body is a universe itself... the space between our atoms is the same distance between the stars above. We have a whole universe within/as our bodies that we are responsible for, and so best we start taking notice, providing care, and taking that responsibility we have to ensure we are creating the utmost environment for it to function. And so as we give, we receive in that the body will sustain us to continue living, and expressing.

That is my rant for tonight on our physical body... cherish it as the gift it is, and use it as it support you to realize who you really are.




















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28 October 2016

480: F*ck trying to Fit in - 30 Days of Blogging - Day 14

Let's continue from yesterday's blog, shall we. Forgiveness on wanting to fit in. (I dare you to read the following forgiveness out loud!)

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not fitting in with others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being liked or accepted by others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define fitting in with others as being liked and accepted by others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear others rejecting me and thus not fitting in with them

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as separate from others, and thus think and believe I must act, or be a certain way in order to fit in with them

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be like others so that I fit in with them

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define 'fitting in with others' as a safe place wherein I am secure

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allow myself to believe that the desire to fit in with others, and thus the fear of not fitting in with others, is a normal part of human existence, and to not question this fear and desire

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe there are differences within people, wherein some are more or less than others, or some are better or worse than others, and use these differences to define myself and others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as lower class, due to the amount of money I grew up with, and thus become fearful and nervous around those in an 'upper class,' who display having more money

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I have nothing in common with business owners, and so think I couldn't possibly fit in with them

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become nervous when around business owners and business people within thinking they are somehow better than me, or more than me, strictly based on the amount of money I think they, and how much I have

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define someone with less money than someone else as being a less human being

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define someone with more money than someone else as being more of a human being

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within/as the construct that fuels this worlds inequality and division, and war wherein we believe that some people are more valuable than others, and thus others can be disregarded or ignored, rather than seeing and realizing that all human beings are equal in value, as who they are as life and thus no one is more or less than another - despite the amount of money they have

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give money the power to separate people into better or worse categories

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give money the authority to direct me in how I experience myself around others as being inferior to those with more money

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that when you take away everyone's money - everyone is exactly the same in who they are

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe I am a lesser being than those that are successful in business, in defining myself as a 'poor girl' from Minneapolis, raised by a single mother, who had to struggle for what we had and thus carry this self-definition with me throughout my life - constantly then placing myself into the poor girl position, wherein I see others with more money as more than m

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to use money to fit in - wherein I think and believe if I had more money, I would fit in with more types of people - or more specifically those with more money

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to shut down when reacting to an environment that is outside of my comfort zone - as not wanting to talk to others, not wanting to make eye contact with others, and not wanting anyone to notice me - basically wanting to disappear in the background, out of sight from everyone, as how I experience myself internally in such an environment

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to direct myself when in a situation wherein I am outside of my comfort zone, meeting new types of people, and not allowing myself to learn from those new types of people

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as inherently inferior to others, and thus submit when I believe I am in the presence of someone greater than me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe there are people in this world greater than me

If forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am lesser than other people

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be determined by money wherein I allow it to dictate who I'm comfortable around

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to change who I am, and how I experience myself, and how I direct myself when I'm in the presence of someone I perceive to be more than me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that if I don't fit in with other people, then I am an outcast in this world and thus vulnerable and susceptible to pain or harm

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give more value to fitting in with others, than to fitting in with myself wherein I am comfortable and content within/as who I am, no matter where I am or with whom I'm with and thus free (not in fear) to direct and express who I am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being alone - of having no acceptance or love from others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear others looking down at me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear others doing unto me what I've done unto myself, which is to place me as inferior/less than others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe there is something wrong, or off, or different about me and define this as something bad/negative

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that to be different within this world is actually a blessing in that this world requires different people... a different way of living, a different way of thinking, a different way of applying oneself and so I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to embrace being different, as not fitting in, as I thus know I am creating my own way wherein I live for me what is best for me/all, not to fit in with others, to feel safe and secure but rather establishing within me my own self-security, and self-safety - wherein I know here, within/as me, I am accepted, and loved, by me... the only one that can truly love and accept me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to fit in with others, as a little piece of the puzzle that makes up the whole of humanity that currently exists within greed, self-interest, selfishness, spite, conflict, desire, and lust - I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to fit into that type of world, one wherein no one considers what is best for all, or love thy neighbor as thyself, or does unto another what they would like to be done unto... I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be willing to stand up from the world that currently exists in order to create a world that could exist - heaven on earth, wherein what is best for all is the directive of all human beings

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to live the principle of 'be in this world, not of it' wherein I can participate with all kinds of people without wavering within who I am - standing stable, and equal to all no matter the perceived class, and thus able to walk in this world freely, and fully engaged in communicating and expressing myself within self-honest and my utmost potential... within this creating the change, leading by example, and not accepting anything less than what is best for all

When and as I see myself becoming fearful, or nervous when around people I believe I don't fit in with, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that this fears implies a self-definition that is dis-empowering, and so I go into dis-empowering experiences such as fear and nervousness. I commit myself thus to slow down, breathe, ground myself in my physical body, and realize that all people are equal... no one is more or less, and so I commit myself to stop separating myself into an inferior position in relation to others, and rather stand up within/as myself to stand equal

When and as I see myself defining people according to how much money they have, or don't have, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that if you take away everyone's money, everyone is the same and so I commit myself to stop giving money the authority to define people, and separate people from each other. I commit myself to realize all are equal within the blood and the flesh of their body, and that money that is used to separate people is actually bullshit and not real. I commit myself to stop participating within the make believe of this reality wherein money dictates who is more or less

When and as I see myself wanting to fit in with others, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that the fear of not fitting in is a self-definition implying there is something wrong with me, or that I need others to accept me and thus revealing I have not fully, absolutely and unconditionally accepted myself and so I commit myself to practice bringing the authority of acceptance back to myself wherein I require no acceptance from others as I can accept me for myself

I commit myself to stop the fear of not fitting in as it implies I want to be like others, and that if i'm not, others will reject me. I realize that no one can reject me, only I can reject me and that is what matters the most and so I commit myself to stop rejecting me, to stop diminishing me, to stop limiting me within who I can be, or who I can be around

I commit myself to continue stepping out of my comfort zone in order to see myself more clearly in who I am in relation to others, and to new experiences wherein I have then the opportunity to align anything out of place, or that is of separation to equality and oneness as life

I commit myself to realizing the equality and oneness of/as life

I commit myself to living in this world, but not of it - not needing or wanting to fit into this world as I realize we must be different to change this world

I commit myself to dare to be different, in how I think, speak, and act.. ensuring my thoughts, words, and deeds are within/as the starting point of what is best for all thus not fitting in as this world is not made up of what is best for all so I shall not fit it

I commit myself to embrace not fitting in as walking a journey to create what is best for all




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27 October 2016

479: Reliving the Past - 30 Days of Blogging - Day 13


Today I was looking at the point of fitting in. I was working on a DIP Pro assignment - specifically some memories from the first time I drank alcohol. I was with some friends, in high school, and I defined one of them as so cool, and I really wanted to fit in with her. Based on this desire, I then acted in ways to ensure or to attempt to ensure that I 'fit in'. So that is what the memory was revealing - this nature of wanting to fit in with others, and within that, a fear of not actually fitting in, of being inferior, and less than others.

What was interesting that this specific memory I was working with was showing how I have, for a very long time, participated and lived out this self-definition as this fear and desire because earlier today I faced that very same point again.

My partner and I went to a 'power luncheon' put on by the local commerce group, and it was held at the Fairmont Hotel. It was quite a fancy lunch - very nice, with a spectacular speaker regarding social ethics and change, and different aspects of how our perception can be influenced and formed, and why, socially, we defend certain ideas despite facts or research to suggest otherwise.

Anyways - it was not something him and I have done before, but seeing who the speaker would be, and the subject matter, we thought it would be en engaging discussion. It was also a point of getting out and meeting more people in our community, and of course, networking.

Though, almost immediately upon arriving, seeing the space, and the set up, and with the idea of "these are all business owners", I felt quite intimidated and inferior. I perceived the people there as 'upper class', and I felt almost inadequate being there, because firstly, I am not a business owner (yet), and I don't have much experience being around a lot of successful business owners. So I felt a bit out of my element, and comfort zone... but really, that is why we went.

What I faced was the core fear that I saw again in working with my memory form high school - this fear of not fitting in. I didn't fit in at all, or at least that is what I decided was the case, and from this decision, tainted with fear, I saw myself close up and invert quite drastically. I really couldn't speak, or move, I was almost stuck where I was - afraid to do or say anything that might 'give me away'. lol - it's a bit uncomfortable at the thought of publishing this because it's like exposing a vulnerable point within me... a weakness, a fear, with the idea that if I expose this part of myself, others might assume the same belief about me. Well - just goes to show.. it's actually my self-definition, and I have no control over what others think about me. It's how I think about me that matters.

So yes - I faced this fear of not fitting in head on today, and while I am not satisfied with how I directed myself, in that I allowed this fear to influence me and my behavior, it was a direct look at a pattern I've still accepted and allowed to exist within/as me, and so it's now an opportunity to release from myself, and change within myself.

People are people - no matter what job they have, how much money they make, their level of education... people are inherently equal in their value as simply being a human being... as being life. It's the ideas we then form about ourselves, and so others, that influence how we see ourselves and others, and that's where we create separation... inequality... more or less beings... superiority, and inferiority. When in fact... those are just constructs. They are not real.

Something I must let go of, as it's so dis-empowering. I am essentially giving the power and authority to others to determine whether I'm acceptable or not, or whether I 'fit in' when in reality, I must accept myself. I must fit with myself in the sense of, be content and satisfied with who I am, comfortable within myself, confident in my ability to direct myself within my utmost potential. If I am not doing that for me, then yes of course I will always seek out something external to do that for me. But alas, that is why we have self-forGIVEness - where self can give back to self those missing pieces we've placed outside of ourselves.

I will continue with this tomorrow...



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478: Do You Know What You're Saying? 30 Days of Blogging - Day 12

Who am I within words? Have you ever asked this of yourself?

Do we ever consider the words we speak or write, the actual power they have? I've seen myself in words, wherein I use words to get a certain response, or to manipulate another person to feel a certain way, or to lash out as blame, or to make myself look good, or to get some attention, or to keep a secret, or to make something better than it is, or to make it worse than it is... words in how we speak and write them, have an effect. Not just on ourselves, but others as well.

I have often seen myself use words as weapons - lashing out spite in a rage, or manipulation to make another feel responsible for my feelings. Words are weapons when we are not aware of the actual power they  have.

I have seen in writing my blogs, when I've attempted to make myself look good, or to get some attention. Often hiding something else that is within me - hiding the deeper, darker stuff I couldn't face.

I have heard others use words to tear people down when they are not around, and I've heard others make comments they don't actually mean.

There is not much consideration of who we are as words in our reality - we toss them around like they can't create wounds, or damage someone's self-perception, or simply unaware of our own projections when we blame another. We use words against each other, and to hide from each other. We use words to paint a pretty picture, and to keep things comfortable. We use words for others to feel our fury... without ever considering whether our words create or destroy. What happens when the words have been written or spoken? You can't take it back. It's been placed in reality - you've made them real. We can perhaps apologize, or erase the words... but they've been materialized through you as a medium, and they have an effect. Without awareness, we become dangerous with our words because we speak out our minds - our emotions, and feelings which consist of only self-interest, and self-righteousness.

We are never wrong in our minds, we are the victims, or the right one, or the honest one, or the better one. And then when we speak/communicate our minds, we attempt to manipulate our world, and others, to see the same as we see in our minds.

Words in a way is all we have. It is our most effective way to communicate, perhaps the most direct way, and yet we are not taught what it means to be responsible for our words... for what we create or destroy with our words.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use words to manipulate others into feeling pity, or bad, or guilty

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use words to lash out my own internal rage or anger - making it someone else's problem, and no longer mine to deal with or take responsibility for

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to use words against people - to cause war and conflict; blaming instead of taking responsibility for myself - wanting to get worked up, and work others up for mere entertainment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use words to make myself look better - only highlighting some positive aspects of myself, within hiding darker parts of me

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize words can be weapons when I use them without awareness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to destroy and diminish others with my words because I Have not understood aspects of myself, or my experience, or my back chats, or my frustrations - and rather blame with my words than see my self-honesty reflected in those words

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize the power within words, in how I use them, and who I am within them

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be considerate and careful with my words in ensuring I am speaking from/as a point of self-honesty - never blaming, or raging, or putting my shit unto someone's plate

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use words carelessly wherein I attempt to gain something from another - whether that is a self-image, a self-definition, a position, a feeling, a belief, or perceived power

I forgive myself that I Have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that words in how we communicate, we create, we build relationships, and ideas, and solutions, or we just compound problems and anger, and hate - and within this not realizing the power we have to create or destroy with our words

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to speak just to speak, making a lot of noise without saying anything at all instead of being aware and considerate of what I am saying to ensure it's purpose is to fulfill what is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to speak within/as self interest when attempting to get attention in painting a nicer image of me

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to slow down and really consider my words - as the written and the verbal, as assessing and questioning who I am within my words, ensuring I am placing into this world, as my words, that which I can stand and live by

When and as I see myself attempting to manipulate, diminish, or lash out at another with my words, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand the words have power, and who I am within the words have an effect as either creating or destroying and so I commit myself to not destroy life with my words, but to rather speak within awareness to ensure self-honest in always within my words - that I am uplifting another, instead of diminishing them

When and as I see myself speaking just to speak, without saying anything at all, or to paint a nicer image of me, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that to do so is to allow ego to manifest as my words, and ego is of self-interest - wherein I see myself as right, as the victim, as the better one, the one that is not responsible for one's thoughts/words/deeds and the nature of them and so I commit myself to stop speaking my mind as speaking jsut to speak, or speaking myself up in a way to get attention or to be seen in a certain way.

I commit myself to realizing the power of my words

I commit myself to realizing that words either create or destroy

I commit myself to create with my words

I commit myself to slow down when speaking to ensure awareness within principles of self-hoensty, and self-responsibility

I commit myself to not gossip as using my words to diminish another

I commit myself to not use words to hide my secrets

I commit myself to use words to create what is best for all


I would like to encourage anyone reading this to see for yourself... who are you with your words? Observe the words you speak for one day... become aware of what you are saying, how you are saying it, and the starting point for what you are saying. What effects can you see it has? Share in comments your findings!!

Thanks, and enjoy.




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26 October 2016

477: Be Willing to Walk your Talk! 30 Days of Blogging - Day 11

Currently I am studying Spanish, a little bit each day. I started learning Spanish in middle school, and then also in high school - four years in total. I had a very small foundation of the language, but I enjoyed using it here and there throughout the years. The last few months, I wanted to study another language again. I initially considered french, due to me living in Canada now, though after a few days of that, I realized why not work with the foundation I already have, so Spanish it was.

The consideration to study a new language was in part from my co-workers who were learning English. Living in Whistler, there are many people from all over the world that come to work, and live here. I work in Japanese Steakhouse, and so majority of the staff is from Japan. There are many different levels of their English ability, but what I find within all of them is the willingness to put themselves into a new country, with a new language and just learn.

One of my co-workers in particular was quite eager to get better at her English, so she organized an 'English conversation group', and asked if I would be the native English speaker to assist. Of course I agreed and so we've been meeting every week for the past month and a half, recently adding another day to the week.

I've said it so many times to them before, but I must say it again - I applaud them so much for willing to step out of their comfort zone and learn a new language - that is quite a task. It's nothing I've ever done where you are so immersed in the language, you really have no choice but to get it. So I've been impressed with those I've been able to get to know since living in Whistler. I see such an advantage to knowing more than one language - really, a whole new world can open up to you, because as with a new language, you are going to learn the culture, and tradition, and perhaps even some history. So while Spanish has been my main focus for language, I am also getting some lessons in Japanese simply through spending time with so many from Japan.

Though now the tables have been turned. There is another member of our English conversation group that happens to be from Spain! And he has offered to do the same for me, and a couple of others that want to learn Spanish, that I am doing for him. Initially I was hesitant, really not even considering it seriously because I feel as though I'm not ready. I hardly can form sentences, and I couldn't even imagine being able to carry on a conversation. I really was not eager to go for it.

The catch - there are a few in our English group that are not at all fluent in English, and they also struggle speaking sentences, but there are some key fundamental vocabulary they work with... and I always say just being there, listening and hearing the words is going to assist in the development. And so - the same should apply for me right? I mean it really comes down to vocabulary - you get those in, and you can expand from there. May not be an over night process, but through time, and consistent practice and application - anyone can learn a new language. And probably anything else for that matter.

It's almost like now I have the opportunity to actually walk in their shoes - those that I admire so much for being brave, and willing to learn a new language. It is intimidating speaking a language that is not your mother tongue - worried about the accents, or saying the word properly, or heck - even making sense. Though as I hold no judgments for those that are learning English, so too I should be willing to withhold judgments from myself, and not expect others to judge, for wanting to do the same.

So it's been a few weeks planning, but we've agreed for our first Spanish group to meet up this Thursday. I thought the hell with it - dive in the deep end, right? How else am I going to learn? Why not be willing to walk through the same points those that I assist with English walk through? If I can say "this will assist and support you" then I damn sure better be willing to walk that myself. Walk your Talk!

Yes - as mentioned, there are points of intimidation, fear, insecurity but like with all skills, it takes practice to develop, you simply must have the willingness to put in the work to reap the reward. And to me, being able to communicate in a language other than English is definitely a reward.

I am quite grateful for the transient community here in Whistler - many people willing to open their eyes, and minds, and life to something outside of what they've always known. To me, this is real growth and expansion.

Don't sell yourself short if there is a desire to learn something new. Just because you arent good at it, doesn't mean you shouldn't be doing it... in fact it means the opposite! Do it as much as you can to get good at it. Practice Makes Perfect. So squash the fears, the insecurity, and the doubts, and go for it!

OH - and for those also interested in learning a new language, I've been using duolingo.com - there are tons of languages to choose from, and easy to work with material and lessons. And it's Free!

Enjoy :)



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25 October 2016

476: Defined By What You Don't Do - 30 Days of Blogging - Day 10

A couple blogs ago I opened up this point of defining myself according to what I do, or don't do. I also addressed this within self-forgiveness for the positive aspect - wherein I define myself as good/right/positive when I do more. Which clearly means nothing - you can do a whole lot of stuff, but if who you are inside is not aligned to what is best for all/yourself... then it really doesn't matter.

So for tonight, I will take a look at the negative aspect of this point... when I do less, I feel less about myself. Okay, here we go:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to what I don't do in a day - defining myself as less than the less that I do

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for what I do or don't do in the day, and if I don't push to my utmost potential, and do more, feel inferior and shitty about myself - suggesting that what I do determines who I am, rather than who I am determining what I do

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like a failure if I succumb to experience of lethargy wherein I don't do as much within the day, defining myself according to what I didn't do, and suggest because of this, I've failed

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that when I give into the experiences of emotions that dictate my actions, I am only a slave to those experiences, and so my life is dictated by how I feel, rather than principles such as self-responsibility, self-honesty, and doing what must be done in any given moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to others in what I see, or hear about others doing with their life, and judge me as doing less, and so implying that I am less - instead of using comparisons constructively to see where I can apply what others do within my own life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within/as regret in knowing I can do more within my days, yet giving into experiences that dictate me not living and acting to my utmost potential throughout my days - and then to go and blame myself for not doing more, instead of investigating the experiences, find solutions to STOP them, and correct myself in my actions to ensure I am deciding who I am - one giving into the mind experiences, or being directive principles according to principles that are best for all/me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others for what they do, as I've judged myself for what I do... instead of seeing who people are, and seeing who I am, as the source from which they do what they do... within this understanding rather than judging and blaming

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame and judge myself as a bad person for moments when I do not act in ways that are best for me, such as pushing to do as much as I can within a day, realizing that I am able and capable.. instead of understanding how I've created this pattern within me, and find ways to implement a living change

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that what I do does define me in that - if I'm allowing emotions to decide what I don't do, then I am a slave to the mind... I am giving in to an authority separate from who I really am, and not being present within/as my physical reality as I see, realize, and understand that if I was clear, directive within myself, applying principles of self-honesty as NOT allowing emotions to direct me, I would be more effective and productive within my day

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to focus on the external reality such as the actions I take, or don't take to define who I am, rather than giving attention and direction to the internal reality as my mind, in how I've come to make decisions, and the thought processes I accept and allow that are not the best version of me.... so I forgive myself that I have not yet accepted and allowed myself to take absolutely full responsibility for what I do and don't do in realizing that if I allow my mind to direct my actions, then I am not living my most effective way

When and as I see myself defining myself according to what I don't do, as being inferior, less than, and shitty, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that I am not actually defined by what I do or don't do, but rather who I am and so I commit myself to investigate the 'who I am' that accepts and allows lethargy or being unmotivated to direct me, and practice not giving into such experiences as to be the one, within self-awareness, and self-honest, direct myself to live and express my utmost potential within/as my days

When and as I see myself comparing myself to others, and what they do, and get done, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that to compare myself as in putting someone as more or less is not constructive, and only dis-empowers me in not seeing the equality of value of each and how each can assist and support one other to live their utmost potential, and so I commit myself to compare constructively in seeing what others do, and how I can apply that within my own self, and life

When and as I see myself going into a point of lethargy or being unmotivated to continue within my day as effectively as possible, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that these emotional experiences are within me and so my responsibility to understand, and direct, rather than allow them to direct me and so I commit myself to practicing slowing down in moments where I want to give into to lethargy and being unmotivated, as I know the consequences of this, and rather I commit myself to prevent further consequences and direct myself to walk through these experiences instead of giving into them

I commit myself to continue to practice becoming directive principle of/as me in not allowing emotions and feelings, and the 'want' or 'not want to do' statements direct me

I commit myself to be the best I can be in all that do, and don't do in not allowing what I do or don't do define me, but rather focusing on the who I am within what I do, and don't do - ensuring THAT is a being I can stand by, trust, and live with

I commit myself to push myself to do more than I thought conceivable, as I see it's possible when directing self within/as breath - making each breath/moment count and thus living the days I have to their utmost potential, as I live my own






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23 October 2016

475: A Subtle Way you Can Tell if You're Trustworthy - 30 Days of Blogging - Day 9

Putting a pause just for a moment on yesterday's blog, to address another point that came up today. Will continue from the previous writings tomorrow...

Today, and for some time, I've noticed this point within me of, what I would call laziness because I had not yet done too much investigation on it. But digger deeper, I would say it has more to do than just laziness - while that's a dimensions of it, there is also some definitions that cause a problem I see. When I have to do anything such as work, or what I define as work/responsibility, I want to take short cuts.

Like for example, I've been doings some cleaning at my place of work while we are currently closed for the slow season. I wanted to leave at a certain time because apparently only a couple of hours of cleaning is what I can handle. There were only a few chairs left to clean, but I still wanted to just leave rather than take the extra time to finish the job up. I did end up staying, because I could see a pattern I've allowed throughout my life at play, and so rather giving into it, push through in not accepting it.

Also, while I'm cleaning, I don't get as specific as I can be. Like I wont ensure absolute perfection in the job I am doing, or at least the most practical perfection I can get.

As long as I can remember I've allowed this nature within me. I, again, see it's aspects of being lazy, defining the work as 'hard' or 'not enjoyable' and simply just something 'I don't want to do.'

So it's a resistance, and who I am within it is one who just wants to get it over with, not really caring about the job I'm doing. This does actually relate to what I have been writing about the last two blogs... as the who I am within what I am doing is not giving the proper attention, and what I do is considered more such as 'just getting it done with'. It's got a flavor of self-interest as well, I would rather do something I like, or enjoy, then do what's necessary or could possibly benefit someone more than myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be lazy when it comes to things I define as work, or that is not entertaining/fun for me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not care about the work I do in that I wont do the best job I possibly can, as a point of pushing for perfection, just because I want to be done with it, and get it over with

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist anything I define as not fun, or enjoyable, and to within this, cut corners just to get the job done, and over with

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be untrustworthy when doing any work that I am responsible for within not caring what kind of job/work I am doing, just wanting to get it over with, and thus abdicate the responsibility I have within the work in ensuring perfection however and wherever possible

When and as I see myself resisting doing work I define as not fun, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that the resistance is a limitation and dictation of what I can or cannot do and so I commit myself to walk through the resistance to work as being directive principles of/as me, and no longer allow limitations of my mind exist

When and as I see myself wanting to, or attempting to cut corners within work I am responsible for, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that in allowing this I am living the statement that I am not trustworthy because I don't take the time, and considerations to ensure the utmost perfection possible, as living my own utmost perfection as possible and so I commit myself to stop in these moments to breathe, and do what I would like of others, or how I would like others to be as being trustworthy enough to do the best possible job I can, within this, living self-honesty and my utmost potential within the responsibilities I have

I commit myself to stop the dishonesty within me when/as I want to quite before I complete a task fully, and to my utmost potential, and ability

I commit myself to stop lying to myself in allowing the excuses of laziness to keep me from doing the best possible job I can

I commit myself to become more specific within the work that I do, within ANYTHING that I do, as realizing the devil is in the details, and if I'm ensuring specificity in the work I do, then I am also ensuring specificity within myself, where specificity = trust - trusting that you got it all, you covered all basis, you did absolutely everything you could, to the best of your ability

I commit myself to push beyond the laziness character in not accepting anything less than what is best from me



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