29 November 2016

509: Pushing Another to Improve before I Improve Myself

Today I noticed an experience within me in relation to another. I had in a way forced this person to stand in the shoes of someone they often complain about. In this particular moment, they were now in the same position, and so I suggested they act how they would like the one they complain about so much to act, now that they are in that position. So it was in a way getting someone to see who they are in the same position/responsibility, and to see if they would choose differently then what they've seen in another. If they would do it differently then how they've seen someone else do it, and clearly not be satisfied with.

I could tell they were not happy about it. I in a way felt guilty, like I pushed this person to do 'what is right', without them actually making the decision. When I look back at the moment now, I can see I was basically showing this person how they were now in the position to change, to correct the behavior they have seen, and disliked about another, when they are in that position/role. And suggested that they should be the one to show what is 'should' be like - how they would like it to be.

I see the guilt was because I was not totally clear in my suggestion to this person. Meaning - it was based in a reaction. I later could see, and asked myself, 'what if I was in that position, would I take advantage as these other two have?' And I can clearly see that yes, I would have. Perhaps not now, but who I've been in the past, and throughout my life, I would have absolutely taken advantage of such a position, where I basically get an 'easy ride', yet the same benefits of others even though they did more work.

So while the moment played out with this person I was speaking with, it really still comes back to me. Who am I in that position? And who am I in general at in this environment?

I notice that I have had a lot of conflict within me in relation to these particular people in my life. Sometimes it's not about them at all, meaning - it's more of me not taking responsibility for some aspects/areas of my life, and so I project blame unto them as me not taking self-responsibility, so there is just like an annoyance/irritation towards them. Other times though it's particular behaviors they participate in that act as a trigger for my own internal conflict/frustrations, and that is where I need to step it up.

What I wanted from this person was to take responsibility, and be the change... to live the example, as how they would like others to be. Because they always are upset with how this other person acts in a particular role, I said, "here you go... you are now in the same position, and if you don't do anything different from this other person, you have no more right to complain about it." Yet, I see that I have room for improvement myself. I still participate in certain behaviors that if I were to stop participating in, would be an example for others - a more supportive one, and would thus be the one that is doing things differently, and showing change.

So I see I have room to expand my application - of becoming a living example. It's easy to talk about how things should be different, but it comes down to whether you can actually live those words. Who are you in that same position/role/responsibility? Would you really do things differently than what you see in others? Are you really any different to those you complain about?

I definitely can change, and become more directive in myself when it comes to these particular people in my life, and how I interact and engage with them. I know I have not been living my utmost potential with them. That is my self-honesty, and that is where my responsibility is... it is not to force another to change, or be the change, or live the example. I must do that first myself. I must be the one to change, to live the example.





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