The last couple of months I've been quite satisfied with my self-direction day to day. Pushing myself to be more directive with myself, walking through resistances, and going beyond certain self-imposed limitation. The last two days I noticed an interesting thing... some old patterns creeping back up, tempting me to fall into some old ways.
In allowing even one thought of justification, or excuse to not be absolutely clear, and directive with myself, can create a whole slew of similar thoughts and experiences that can create greater consequences in terms of my experience that I then must walk through again.
One day I allowed one justification to not be self-directive, which led to the next day of that same experience being greater, and again giving into it. This was a red flag for me because clearly I could see an old pattern of behavior emerging... knowing that if I didn't stop this now, I would easily re-create what I've been so deliberate in changing the last couple months.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to waver even a little bit within myself in relation to my self-direction and application within my day to day living, wherein giving in to just one thought as temptation can be the one step in the direction of re-creating patterns that I have walked over two months to correct
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify within myself to participate in old patterns/behaviors within the thought "just this once, I've worked so hard, I deserve a little break", instead of realizing that what I've walked the past two months is not payment for a day wherein I allow myself to exist within my mind and not be absolutely direct with myself in my day to day living
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into to even just one thought that suggest I deserve to do something that I know is a pattern I've walked to correct, and so rather than giving into that one thought, see it as a moment of opportunity, wherein the mind is taking it's last stand, it's last attempt to see if I'm really clear within myself in terms of my own standing within myself - testing myself in a way to see if I'm really standing
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that allowing one moment of justification or excuse to give into an experience of the mind doesn't have consequences in my application
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to stop myself immediately when I see excuses and justifications coming up within me that suggest me to go back to old patterns and behaviors I've walked a process in stopping/changing/correcting
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe I can sit on the fence within myself in relation to certain patterns, instead of realizing that I must be absolutely clear in who I am, and what I accept and allow, and to make a decision once and for all who I will be within my day to day living, as what I live and express, as thought, word, and deed
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise my process of consistent application over the past two months in relation to certain behaviors and patterns, and my overall self-direction by allowing one thought as justification and excuse to tempt me into going into patterns and behaviors that I see no longer serve me
When and as I see myself thinking up justifications and excuses to go into old patterns/behaviors that no longer serve me, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that such a moment is an opportunity for me to stop, and make a clear decision AGAIN within myself in who I'm going to be as the mind is giving me a moment to decide again, what I will accept and allow, and to allow even the smallest of thoughts in not being clear/directive within myself can create massive consequences and so I commit myself to stay steadfast in the decisions I've made to direct myself within my utmost potential within my day to day living - pushing myself beyond my own self-imposed limitations
When and as I see myself allowing justifications and excuses to exist within me as participating in certain behaviors and patterns I've walked a process to let go of, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that to allow such old behavior and patterns to creep back into my living application is to allow consequences to be created that I will have to re-walk through, as a time loop within my process. I commit myself to thus do it once, and do it right, where I see I am able to... in not allowing myself to 'go back' to old patterns and behaviors I've been walking in correcting and changing, and to rather rid myself of that which no longer serves me within my utmost potential
When and as I see myself back chatting about 'deserving' to go into certain experiences, created by the mind as justifications, and excuses, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that I am not walking a process of self-change to earn credit wherein I can later spend more time in the mind... the point is to rid myself of my own enslavement of/as the mind, and put the mind in it's proper place, as a tool in which I utilize for myself, and not that I follow like a carrot on a stick. I commit myself to thus not deceive myself with temptations of the mind to 'follow along' and sway from my standing in who I am, and what I want to create within/as myself.
I commit myself to push beyond the influence of the mind, and direct myself, as directive principle, what I do, and how I live, and who I am within thought, word and deed.
I commit myself to no longer be served by the mind as following along to the experiences created through thoughts, feelings, and emotions, but rather create it to be a tool to serve me, that I can utilize when/as I need
I commit myself to stay consistent within myself, as my day to day living, as the purpose I've given myself to nurture my utmost potential, through the accumulation of day to day self-directive living
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