Putting a pause just for a moment on yesterday's blog, to address another point that came up today. Will continue from the previous writings tomorrow...
Today, and for some time, I've noticed this point within me of, what I would call laziness because I had not yet done too much investigation on it. But digger deeper, I would say it has more to do than just laziness - while that's a dimensions of it, there is also some definitions that cause a problem I see. When I have to do anything such as work, or what I define as work/responsibility, I want to take short cuts.
Like for example, I've been doings some cleaning at my place of work while we are currently closed for the slow season. I wanted to leave at a certain time because apparently only a couple of hours of cleaning is what I can handle. There were only a few chairs left to clean, but I still wanted to just leave rather than take the extra time to finish the job up. I did end up staying, because I could see a pattern I've allowed throughout my life at play, and so rather giving into it, push through in not accepting it.
Also, while I'm cleaning, I don't get as specific as I can be. Like I wont ensure absolute perfection in the job I am doing, or at least the most practical perfection I can get.
As long as I can remember I've allowed this nature within me. I, again, see it's aspects of being lazy, defining the work as 'hard' or 'not enjoyable' and simply just something 'I don't want to do.'
So it's a resistance, and who I am within it is one who just wants to get it over with, not really caring about the job I'm doing. This does actually relate to what I have been writing about the last two blogs... as the who I am within what I am doing is not giving the proper attention, and what I do is considered more such as 'just getting it done with'. It's got a flavor of self-interest as well, I would rather do something I like, or enjoy, then do what's necessary or could possibly benefit someone more than myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be lazy when it comes to things I define as work, or that is not entertaining/fun for me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not care about the work I do in that I wont do the best job I possibly can, as a point of pushing for perfection, just because I want to be done with it, and get it over with
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist anything I define as not fun, or enjoyable, and to within this, cut corners just to get the job done, and over with
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be untrustworthy when doing any work that I am responsible for within not caring what kind of job/work I am doing, just wanting to get it over with, and thus abdicate the responsibility I have within the work in ensuring perfection however and wherever possible
When and as I see myself resisting doing work I define as not fun, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that the resistance is a limitation and dictation of what I can or cannot do and so I commit myself to walk through the resistance to work as being directive principles of/as me, and no longer allow limitations of my mind exist
When and as I see myself wanting to, or attempting to cut corners within work I am responsible for, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that in allowing this I am living the statement that I am not trustworthy because I don't take the time, and considerations to ensure the utmost perfection possible, as living my own utmost perfection as possible and so I commit myself to stop in these moments to breathe, and do what I would like of others, or how I would like others to be as being trustworthy enough to do the best possible job I can, within this, living self-honesty and my utmost potential within the responsibilities I have
I commit myself to stop the dishonesty within me when/as I want to quite before I complete a task fully, and to my utmost potential, and ability
I commit myself to stop lying to myself in allowing the excuses of laziness to keep me from doing the best possible job I can
I commit myself to become more specific within the work that I do, within ANYTHING that I do, as realizing the devil is in the details, and if I'm ensuring specificity in the work I do, then I am also ensuring specificity within myself, where specificity = trust - trusting that you got it all, you covered all basis, you did absolutely everything you could, to the best of your ability
I commit myself to push beyond the laziness character in not accepting anything less than what is best from me
Featured Artwork: Marlen Vargas Del Razo
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