blog ended with a great point showing exactly what I was writing about. The point of how much I define what I do, rather than who I am, and the example was shown in the actions I took right after I finished the blog, which was to look over the blog in seeing the amount I wrote as a way of determine whether it was 'good' or not. If it's longer, then it's better. If it's shorter, then I judge it as not good enough. The cool point about this is seeing that it's not actually about how MUCH I write, but what I write about. Exactly like it's not about what I do, but how I do it - who I am within it.
Tonight's blog thus will be the self-forgiveness in relation to that blog, and those points opened up.
There are two points to cover here - the positive and the negative. Within the negative experience, I define myself as 'bad, wrong, ineffective, unworthy' when I am not doing what I define as 'enough' in a day - when I fall into experience of laziness or lethargy or if I don't get to all the tasks I set out to do in a day.
Then the positive side is the definition of being 'good, worthy, effective' when I do more actions within the day. So the more I do, the better I feel about myself. The less I do, the less I feel about myself. Like I mentioned in the blog yesterday.. in such an acceptance and allowance, one is always then subject to what one does, rather than who one is. Also in that needing to have a lot done in order to define oneself as worthy - one then rush through the actions simply to get the end result which is the completed task. So again - always a slave to what one does, rather than looking deeper, in self-honesty, and seeing who one is WITHIN those actions. I may be doing a lot, but I am within that someone seeking out self-acceptance, and recognition, and to be seen in a positive, effective way. So I am not really paying attention to the actual task at hand... grounded within myself, and my environment, being present and paying attention to what I am doing... being careful and considerate in each moment. In that - I can fully give myself to that responsibility, action or task, completely, and absolutely engaged.
So let's do the positive side first, and tomorrow will continue with the negative side.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within what I do, rather than who I am within what I do
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define a positive energy charge to doing more things within my day, as so feel positive energy when/as I do more
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as 'good' when I do a lot of actions within my day, such as completing my daily to do list
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as 'effective' when I do a lot throughout the day
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel better about myself when I am more active within my day, as defining it as better than doing less
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe it matters what I do more than who I am within what I do, as I see, realize, and understand that I could do a lot of things, but if who I am within that is dishonest, or deceptive, or selfish, or egotistical, or needing/seeking attention and recognition, then I am not living my full potential and am existing within separation from who I really am
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire recognition for what I do throughout my day as defining it as more and thus being more
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, within doing more stuff just to define myself as more, rush through each task as to just get to the end result which is the completed task and the ability to cross it off my list
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that if I do more stuff, than I am a better human being, without realizing that who I am within what I am doing resonates and has more of an effect then what I am doing - because if I am doing something within a starting point of desire, selfishness, dishonesty, deceptiveness, self-centered-ness - I am living that as what I allow of me, and so what I allow in me, I would allow in others and thus would allow a world of desire, selfishness, dishonesty, deceptiveness, and self-centered-ness
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that who I am within all that I do is the source from which I create change within this world... as the living example of how one direct oneself within each moment of their life... as what I accept and allow and not accept and allow within/as myself, I will equally accept and allow, or not accept and allow within/as this world
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dismiss the moment I am doing some action, or activity, within wanting to 'just get it done' and to with that, miss the opportunity to direct myself as each breath, as each moment, completely, and absolutely engaged in each movement of the task at hand
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to slow down and breathe when in the experience of wanting to rush through to just get something done as being able to say "I've done it"
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe I need to define myself in what I do, instead of creating myself as someone whole and complete and fulfilled simply within who I am, as every moment of breath - without the need of some external action or task to represent or prove it for me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from myself as needing some task or action to define who I am, rather than allowing what I do be an extension of who I am, and the principles i apply and live
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within/as the need to get things done in order to define myself in a positive way, instead of investigating what I believe I am missing, give it back to myself through self forgiveness, and rather allow my actions to be expressions of who I am, not defining who I am
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look at the amount of things done, like the amount I've written in a blog to define whether it's acceptable or not, instead of looking to what I've done, what I've written - the words as who I am and what I am saying as what actually matters
When and as I see myself defining myself according to what I do, rather than who I am, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that to define myself according to what I do rather than who I am is an act of separation, wherein I am separating myself into some external point as a point of who I am rather than substantiating who I am within/as myself to be able to express fully and without need from something outside/separate from me here. And so I commit myself to stop seeking something outside of me to fulfill me, and rather live self-fulfillment within realizing I am fulfilled within/as who I am, here, as each breath and so there is actually nothing I need outside of me to determine my self-acceptance and self-fulfillment - everything else is just an extension from which I can express
When and as I see myself rushing through actions just to get them done, as a point of getting more stuff done in order to define myself in a positive way, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that in rushing through what I do, I am not giving enough attention to who I am, which is what actually matters and so I commit myself to slowing myself down when wanting to get more stuff done and instead practice being more present within/as myself as how I am moving within the task or action at hand as nurturing and embracing the moment, and myself, here
I commit myself to realize it's not what I do, but who I am within what I do that matters and thus requires my direct participation and attention
I commit myself to practicing being directive of myself within what I do to ensure the 'who I am' within what I am doing is within/as self-honesty, self-responsibility, awareness, presence, stability, consideration and care
I commit myself to stop looking over my blog to see how much I've written as a point of defining it as good or bad depending on the length as realizing that it's not how much I write, but what I write about and so I commit myself to pay more attention to who I am as the determining factor of the substance within what I do. The more directive I am, the more substantial I am able to express myself
I commit myself to value more who I am within what I do, than the amount that I do... quality vs. quantity
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