470: It's YOUR Problem - 30 Days of Blogging - Day 4

Today I was working with a particular reaction that came up within me the past couple days. It consisted of a lot of back chat regarding a particular person in my life, and I saw myself yelling and arguing with them within my mind - basically going to war. I was angry and frustrated and felt powerless in a way to changing them, their mind, who they are, and what they say.

This particular reaction has come up in the past numerous times, though I never really wanted to deal with it in the sense of looking at it through writing, or applying self-forgiveness for the friction within me in relation to them. Though this time I did because it was quite obvious there was a trigger, and an activation within me where one day I had a fairly quiet mind, then to the next being very busy thinking about this person, and what I would say to them, and attempting to get my frustrations out onto them, but only in my head.

So I did some writings on it yesterday, and some forgiveness on it today. What I noticed is that there were quite definitive statements within me of how I saw this person... like 'they are selfish', and 'they are egotistical', and 'I don't trust them', and 'what is wrong with them'. So as I was applying the forgiveness on each of these lines as how I saw and defined them, I realized - hey girl... these are mirror statements of yourself.

Every single person in our life is a mirror. They mirror ourselves to ourselves. ESPECIALLY if there are reactions towards a particular person. It's one thing to make an observation about someone, and say, "Hey - I see this as you, or I see this point within you, or I see you have a tendency to do this," while being absolutely stable within oneself - no movement, NOTHING moving inside you in the sense of thoughts, or emotions, or feelings. Simply a seeing, and even understanding, of an aspect of another person.

Though when there is a reaction within 'seeing' of someone else, you can be for damn sure you are seeing yourself. So when I am seeing "they are selfish," and "they are egotistical," and "they are delusional", attached with negative emotions as anger, frustration, powerlessness, and rage... then I know I am not in fact seeing this other person clearly. I am only seeing my mind. And my mind is me. It's a programmed me. And when I go into war within my mind towards this person, attacking them, and blaming them, and exerting emotions onto them (whether actually in the physical, or just in my head), I am indicating these are my points alone to take responsibility for... it in fact has NOTHING  to do with the other person.

There are some cases where yes, maybe I do see a valid point about someone, yet when there is a reaction as emotion attached, or blame, or anything other then what is being seen, then it clearly is a point for me to see, and not the other person... my responsibility.

So while I was writing this self-forgiveness on this other person, and how I experienced myself in relation to them, I also could see wait a minute - this is a mirror for me. These statements of self-definition I've placed onto this other person, that is making me so mad, are actually aspects of myself I have accepted and allowed within/as me throughout my life. And while I could see that was my responsibility... there was also a resistance to accepting this. Like there is NO way this person is going to get out of the direction of my rage. It's THEM... THEY are the PROBLEM!

Well no, actually they are not. I am. I am the one with the anger inside of ME. I am the one name calling within my mind about them. THEY didn't put the anger, and frustration about themselves in me... I am the one with the problem. So while I'd like to give them the responsibility, I know I in fact cant.

Though this one is tough. I really want to be valid in seeing them as at fault, and needing to change. but I know inevitably, I will be the one that has to change. Self First. Until I can be clear within myself in relation to ANYONE, I cannot help anyone but myself. So myself is who I must help.

So just a point of consideration and support... there may be some people in our lives we have a much harder time seeing as our mirrors than others, but the truth is - all is equal. You see you in everyone you meet, and if you can give yourself that gift of embracing that responsibility for even the deepest, darkest parts of ourselves we see in this world, you can truly transform yourself, and thus assist and support others to transform themselves.

Have a look - there are many people in this world we would like to say are the problem, and blame them for the way things are, and for not changing. But until we rid ourselves of blame, and live absolute responsibility for OUR creation... we will only repeat the same. Someone has to take the lead, step up and do what is best for all. And what is best for all is for all to get rid of their egos, live unconditional forgiveness, understand why we've created the fuck up we have, and ensure, by ourselves, we never create it again.

Thanks for reading. See you tomorrow.

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