So I got my first blog done yesterday - the hardest step... starting.
committed to 30 days of blogging, lol. It seems to be perfect timing. I have the time available, and it's always 'here' in terms of being aware that it's something I can do for myself - daily.
There are points of fear, of realizing I will face similar points of judgments, towards myself and projected unto others towards me.
Then there's the matter of what to write about...
I've mostly taken the approach to just share what is here, since part of me fears being "exposed" (can read my very first Journey to Life blog on that point), I should rather face and walk through the fear and expose myself.. giving direction to myself rather than allowing that point to fester, and grow until it influence me to remain silent.
However, since my blog yesterday, the point that keeps coming up is 'what to write about'. Like wanting a topic already secured and in place as a point of ensuring that it is there for me to blog about. Preparing myself yes, but also worrying about it, stressing about it... needing to have a topic before I even start writing.
So I've considered different points, but nothing I've been so confident with, or that's been so ripe for the picking.
Needing a topic to write about to feel secure and prepared.. not really allowing myself the process of discovery as exploring different topics once I am in the moment, ready to write. Seeing what is 'here' and available to me... what I come up with in that moment.
It's like I need a topic now to feel better about later when I will be writing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, and believe I need a topic in the present moment to write about in a future moment
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not feel secure and safe if I don't have a topic to blog about later
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel as if I must have a topic to blog about later as needing a plan and without feeling as if I wont get it done or it will be easier to do
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always look for the easy way, as resisting difficulties or challenges or anything I'm not comfortable with. Because I think it's easy - I will definitely do it, and thus not trust myself if it becomes too hard or difficult
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to cower in the face of difficulties and challenges as how I've come to define them, and always look for the easiest and less painful way to do something within/as a fear of not being able to complete something if it's too hard... basically implying I don't trust myself or think I'm capable of being challenged, or I cannot overcome challenges, or step beyond my comfort zone
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as incapable of facing and walking through challenges and solidify this self-definition through always looking for and taking the easy way through something
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt myself and my abilities to direct myself in a moment of let's say sitting down to write a blog and picking a topic in that moment rather than thinking and worrying about it throughout my day
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry and think about topics for my blog throughout my day, always in that allowance separating myself from those moments as breath, to be present during those moments where I am able to effectively direct myself, and my mind in those moments
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to practice directing myself and my mind in moments of breath as being/living presence, wherein I then develop that skill so as to when the moment comes to sit down and write a blog, I will have strengthened that skill of directing myself/my mind and so can choose in that moment, not an earlier one, what to write about as what is HERE - rather than depending on my mind to have a topic for me prepared for a later time
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to yet practice spontaneity in the sense of writing what is here as the moment I sit down to write a blog... allowing myself to explore and express myself AS that moment opens up as what is here within and as me to write
When and as I see myself becoming worried or anxious about a topic to write about in a future blog, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that to worry and become anxious about a blog in a moment I'm not even writing it is ridiculous, as well as attempting to live out this pattern wherein I believe I MUST have a topic to write about, otherwise it will all fall apart. Thus I commit myself to stop worrying about future blogs the moment a thought arise about it, and to rather walk moment to moment, breath by breath until it is that moment as time to write a blog and THEN allow myself to explore and consider different topics... in that working with what is HERE within/as me
I commit myself to stop fretting about topics I could write about, and rather live, and direct myself within my days, and blog about what is here when the moment arise - to rather have it be an extension of me as my own self-expression, and my process of/as that day and not about me as the mind needing control to have a topic ready to go when I need it
I commit myself to explore myself in moments when I sit down to write a blog - maybe even ask myself, "what can I write about" and see what is in that moment
I commit myself to stop limiting myself to the belief and self-definition that I am not capable of challenging myself, and stepping outside of my comfort zone as not always having to plan, and instead take some risks and be spontaneous within my blogs
I commit myself to trust myself and my capabilities as what I've proven to myself throughout my process - I am stronger, and more able than I've allowed myself to acknowledge, and I'm capable of directing myself within the context of what is best for me/all
I commit myself to continue to develop the skill of working with the present moment, through/as/with breathing, and stopping myself from participating in the mind as future projections - to rather remain HERE and direct myself moment to moment, breath by breath to do what is necessary to be done in each moment as it arise
I commit myself to continue this daily support as writing my Journey to Life blog series
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