05 April 2016

450: Back to Basics in Creating Purpose

This morning I woke up with some resistance/depression. Last night I went to bed with reactions – I was emotional around the point of having ‘nothing to do’ with my life – so again, the point of purpose and direction.

I can see I am stilling missing ME – ME being the point of purpose, and direction, and stability.

So I woke up with depression, and was not feeling great at all… but I kept moving. I did my morning stuff, and even pushed through a resistance towards doing Pilates. It’s like that point I saw recently in a blog, in which I’ve seen for myself as well…. Asking yourself the question, will you regret not doing it when you said you would? That type of question supports in seeing what you are accepting and allowing… and so I pushed through the resistance, knowing I would regret it if I gave into the resistance, and indeed feel better at the moment. More stability.

So I am busy walking the to do list for today, and I realize that it’s a point of purpose I can gift to myself, of perfecting myself with what is currently here for me to do, and as a point of development/expanding because usually half the list I make up for myself I resist and end up only doing the first part. So to be able to direct myself through the list, completing it, and walking through it – I am gifting myself the practicing of self-direction, and becoming directive principle.

The point here is not to compare, because often I will think what I have to do, or what I make the list for me to do, I think isn’t enough, it isn’t substantial enough, “I’m not doing enough in my life” – though it’s a way forward, and a step in the ‘right’ direction so to speak… if I cannot perfect myself in such simple things I’ve decided upon now, how can I expect to take on more responsibility later, or as things open up and develop?

So work with what is here, and practicing perfecting self within it – without judgments on what you are doing. The things I do each day, or want to do each day, are small stepping stones that pave the way to a future me that is stable, strong, determined, self-willed, and disciplined. So that is currently I suppose what I am walking, and what I am practicing. It’s not about comparing yourself to other’s and their process… it’s about focusing on YOU and what YOU are doing… who YOU are – which is also been a weakness of mine. I’ve paid way more attention to those around me and what they are busy with then giving the appropriate attention and care to myself, and I’m sure that is where all the conflict comes from. It’s like a point of neglect… neglecting self because you are too concerned about what others are doing, and how that compares to you. That is a consequence I’ve seen in working with this purpose point, how much I’ve compared myself to others in and throughout my life and how that actually, quite drastically dis-empowers me. I’ve spent my precious time watching others, mimicking others, comparing myself to others, separating myself from others I’ve completely lost sight of the most important thing… ME. Who am I? Who do I want to be? What do I want to create? What of me is dishonest? What of me requires change? How can I grow? How do I want to experience myself? What do I want to bring to this world? How can I express my utmost potential?

So this questions can only be answered through a decision to walk one’s process for and as oneself – making SELF the priority as what one observe and question and investigate. When I’m looking at others, questioning others, observing others I am not standing in responsibility for me. Bring it back to self. The simple, basic tool I first learned when introduced to the Desteni Process. Bring it back to self. All is a reflection of ME – so what do I see in others… how does it actually exist in my life? There is a starting point of self-honesty.



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