12 March 2016

447: Trust Your Movement, not your Experience

Today I did not want to move physically. I had been up for a couple hours, doing the normal morning routine, and it was time to move onto the ‘afternoon activities’, and I found myself in a state of tiredness and feeling lethargic. Based on this experience, I didn’t want go do much, and definitely did not want to go with my partner to his suggested activity for the day. Though I agreed. And of course, as soon as I got up, started moving physically, and was out and about, that experience of being tired and not wanting to do anything was gone.

This is often the case, and shows how you cannot always trust your experience. What you can trust, and should more focus on, is the physical actions… that shows you what is real. If I would have got up, and out and was moving myself, and the experience was still there, then perhaps it’s something to investigate more. Though when you move yourself, and that seemingly real experience of being tired and sloth-like just poof, disappears, then it wasn’t real to begin with.

Now I can see that perhaps if my partner was not home today, and did not make the suggestion to go out and walk through the new museum in town, I could have easily given in to the experience and ended up taking a nap, or lounged around, basically accepting the experience and base the decision on what I do or don’t do on that experience. Though – he was home, and his presence supported to get me out. Important though for me to be able to do this on my own… to move myself, despite an experience I have, alone, and according to my own will.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give in to an experience of being lethargic and tired, and want to not physically move myself based on this, rather than realizing that I can see if the experience is real, through moving myself physically

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not question the experience of being tired and lethargic and base my actions or lack of actions on that experience, rather than working with what is REAL, and what is HERE which is the physical reality

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to trust more in the physical, and my physical action/movement as the real expression or experience of myself rather than accept the initial experience of the mind which is that of being tired and lethargic, and according to that, think I cannot possible do much or move myself in the day because of this experience

I forgive myself that I have not yet allowed myself to develop the absolute self-will and determination to move myself physically despite an emotional reaction or experience of being tired or lethargic, and to instead rather make the decision to get up and move and see for real that the experience isn’t what it seems to be, and my physical living/action/movement is what I can trust

When and as I see myself experiencing a state of tiredness or being lethargic, and based on this think I do not want to or cannot do anything physical in my day, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that the experience I cannot trust as it’s based on energy, and that it can indeed change and transform through the decision to physically move, as I’ve seen for myself that it simply requires me to get up and move and from that, the  experience dissipates… and so I commit myself to trust more in my physical action rather than my energetic experiences of being tired or lethargic, and test the limits of my own mind that suggest I must listen to an experience rather than work with physical action and living

I commit myself to practice developing self-trust through making the decision to move physically, despite an experience that suggests the desire to do the opposite

I commit myself to push myself beyond my own limitations as the experience I accept and allow within/as me

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