12 January 2016

438: Why Do We Fear Being Different? Part 1

So the first dimension I can see within the statement made of, “we’re young and poor” is a fear of being different in the eyes of others, and within this – being judged or seen as weird, and that I must explain myself so that I don’t come off this way – there is a reason for ‘why’ we are doing things differently. (see previous blog for context).

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make the statement, “we’re young and poor” when telling the commissioner we were not exchanging rings when we get married, as a point of fear of how she would react as seeing us differently or weird

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define exchanging rings when getting married as something normal, and to not do this is to be abnormal, and so within this – to fear being seen as abnormal for not doing the ‘normal’ thing at a wedding ceremony

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear going against societies tradition, and what people will think of me, fearing being seen as weird, and different and because of this, being an outcast from the group as a whole

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel as though I must explain myself as to why I am doing things differently than others – thinking and believing that I must give a reason that is acceptable to others because my action is not acceptable as it is not normal, or within tradition

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being different, to fear being an individual, for making my own decisions, and to within this – always depend on society and its traditions and norms as a guide of who I must be and what I must do and define that as the only thing acceptable

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear others will think and see my differently if I dare to do something different  - if I don’t follow along with what is currently accepted as the norm

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become dependent on others outside and separate from myself, as the guide that suggest where I must go, how I must act, what I must do, how I can express myself and when I’m in a situation wherein I am doing things differently – become fearful and think I must explain myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my own authority as needing societal norms and traditions to be what determines what I do – using that as my guide, as my directive, instead of deciding for myself, within my own power and authority, who I am, what I stand for and as, and how I make the decisions in my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give the power and authority of my directive principle to society’s traditions and norms

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit the definition of marriage to be that of exchanging rings instead of realizing it is so much more than that, and I don’t have to explain to anyone why I am not doing such a thing when I get married

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel as though others will question me if I do not do what is normal, especially here in the context of getting married

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to question myself within doing things out of the norm when getting married, going against what I’ve been taught and accepted as ‘how things are’ and ‘it’s just what you do’ and not questioning it or even doing it differently

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being different, for being my own self, for making up my own mind, for being practical in my decisions in life as how this will cause others to see me – thinking and believing I need the approval of others to be okay with myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enslave myself to the thoughts of others about me instead of standing on my own two feet, living proudly of who I am as I am walking a process of establishing myself as a being of integrity, real honesty, and within principles that are always best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define being different and going against tradition or norms as something to be feared, that it’s something you should resist instead of realizing the actual nature of such a design being deliberate to keep people in line – to not express an individualism but to instead follow the way before us as what has been already decided upon, even without our participation, yet given our consent when we go along and not question or even change it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being different as actually fearing to change as the change implies a new way, and to go against the old way is to go against the grain, go against the crowd and when you do this, you are seen as something outside the norm and so different – though why is that bad? Why is that a negative thing? Why is it seen as something weird and to be resisted? Who benefits from tradition? And what does it imply about the society we’ve created when people are afraid to do something different, to not follow tradition?

It’s interesting because so many people, so many generations… basically all children are taught the ‘ways of the world’ and that that is just how things are, and while we see it as fine, the mere fact that there is fear to express something different, something that may even challenge or question the accepted norm implies something very wrong. No one should be afraid to step up, to stand up, and to put into question any belief or practice, or thought, or idea that does not support what is best for all, and simply having fear attached to doing so implies it’s not best for all. Fear is not best for all, it is not best for an individual.

Fear is the cell we lock ourselves within to not change – we put ourselves in chains instead. Now while my experience with fearing what others will think for not doing the traditional ring exchange at my wedding may not seem like such a problem within humanity, though at its core, as its nature – there is a problem. Individuals fearing to be different, to be themselves, to make up their own mind, for not following along with what has been told ‘this is just how it is’. We do it with everything, in every field and aspect of our world. War, poverty, homelessness, mass incarceration, racism, religious beliefs, failing education systems, politics… there is a silent consent everyone is given because all are too afraid to stand up and say ‘this is not right, this is not best for all, let’s change this.’ We don’t do this on an existential level because we are not doing it on an individual level, within ourselves, our minds, or our relationships. We should never fear to make decisions that are practical, and best for our lives, and best for others just because it’s not what others suggest is the way it’s always been done.

So why are we taught to fear being different?

To be continued…




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